I didn't expect much of anything other than a few memorable kills and maybe a cheap jump scare here and there. This pathetic excuse for a movie couldn't even deliver that much. For starters, I personally can't stand how recent horror movies are shot. Everything has the same dark, muddy and flat-looking quality, with no real clarity of picture and irritating shakycam going into overdrive during 90 percent of the horror/action scenes because far too many directors today aren't talented enough to stage an effective horror or action scene without it. The gore was often even hard to make out because of the camera-work, too, which renders something like this almost completely pointless. And while the 1980s Friday films aren't what I'd call genre classics, you could at least clearly make out the gory scenes instead of getting a split flash of some CGI effect while the cameraman goes into a seizure. Bah-humbug, I know. But I swear I really did try my best to like this one. Honest!
Defenders of this latest bargain basement remake will say things like...
"It's not supposed to have a storyline or plot!" or "The acting is supposed to be bad!" or "The dialogue is supposed to be stupid!" or "The characters are supposed to be unbearably obnoxious and annoying!" or "It's not supposed to be scary!" Well OK then. I'd now like to take the opportunity to congratulate Mr. Nispel for making an unscary, ugly-looking, suspense-free movie with bad acting, terrible dialogue, forgettable kills and annoying characters. Way to go Marcus!
What other "goodies" do we get here? Let's see...
For some reason, the film opens with all the credits but waits until about twenty minutes in to reveal the TITLE.
Half of the dialogue seems to consist of either the "f" word or "dude." And what's up with every person talking to themselves? Every time a person was alone they were having a conversation. With whom? I have no clue. When a floorboard creaks it's not really necessary to have someone say "What was that? I better go upstairs and see what that is!" Or, in Friday remake terms it's more like... "What tha @#!* was that @#!* ? Dayum I need to go up doz @#!*' stairs to investigate me some @#!*!" The characters are all pretty awful - a bunch of annoying, smug, self-satisfied, foul-mouthed twits who seem like they need to immediately be committed to a rehab program. Naturally all the white characters get to pair off and have sex, while no one seems the least bit interested in the one black and one Asian character. Since the black guy can't get laid he's reduced to pleasuring himself while listening to whitey going at it upstairs. At least three different male victims said "What the @#!*?" when they were confronted with Jason. The black guy had a slight variation though since he's black. Seriously, whoever wrote this should be embarrassed.
The cast was also bad. Travis Van Winkle should never act again. What is the appeal of this guy anyway? He can't act for squat and resembles Vincent from the Beauty and the Beast TV series. And Jared Padalecki (though one of the better actors here) would probably look better without the Farrah Fawcett hairdo. I had a very difficult time telling the actresses they hired apart. When blonde #1 was killed and they cut back to the cabin to blonde #2 I was like "I thought she was already dead?" And then there's a missing sister, who I kept confusing with the rich jock's girlfriend toward the end. If you can hire a black and an Asian actor to help diffuse all the shaggy-haired white boys, then why can't you hire an attractive black or Asian actress? Preferrably one who isn't sporting a set of distracting and unnatural-looking silicone cans like several actresses in this film. No wonder Willa Ford couldn't keep herself under water for long! Note to parents: If your daughter begs you for a set of DD bolt-on's for her 18th birthday, get her a Prada handbag instead. She'll thank you later.
The film is full of extremely stupid moments and scenes. Getting hit directly in the head by a speedboat going about 50 miles per hour will only result in a tiny little boo-boo. And the extensive lair of underground catacombs under Jason's house? Did Jason dig all that out or is it some sewer system in the middle of the woods? Maybe a former coal mine... with an escape hatch through an overturned school bus? Whaaaaaaa? Then we have Jason keeping a hostage. Well, the Jason I like don't play like that. Are they trying to now "humanize" him like Rob Zombie did with Michael Myers in his equally wretched "remake" of HALLOWEEN? Urghhh...
It all leads up to an ending that fails just as badly as the rest of the movie. The original has that legendary moment that made people jump from their seats while the people who made this botched that opportunity because of a completely awful editing cut. So sad to say, this was sloppy, irritating and pretty much just plain boring. It could have been fun. It's not. JASON GOES TO HELL and JASON X were even better than this!
Defenders of this latest bargain basement remake will say things like...
"It's not supposed to have a storyline or plot!" or "The acting is supposed to be bad!" or "The dialogue is supposed to be stupid!" or "The characters are supposed to be unbearably obnoxious and annoying!" or "It's not supposed to be scary!" Well OK then. I'd now like to take the opportunity to congratulate Mr. Nispel for making an unscary, ugly-looking, suspense-free movie with bad acting, terrible dialogue, forgettable kills and annoying characters. Way to go Marcus!
What other "goodies" do we get here? Let's see...
For some reason, the film opens with all the credits but waits until about twenty minutes in to reveal the TITLE.
Half of the dialogue seems to consist of either the "f" word or "dude." And what's up with every person talking to themselves? Every time a person was alone they were having a conversation. With whom? I have no clue. When a floorboard creaks it's not really necessary to have someone say "What was that? I better go upstairs and see what that is!" Or, in Friday remake terms it's more like... "What tha @#!* was that @#!* ? Dayum I need to go up doz @#!*' stairs to investigate me some @#!*!" The characters are all pretty awful - a bunch of annoying, smug, self-satisfied, foul-mouthed twits who seem like they need to immediately be committed to a rehab program. Naturally all the white characters get to pair off and have sex, while no one seems the least bit interested in the one black and one Asian character. Since the black guy can't get laid he's reduced to pleasuring himself while listening to whitey going at it upstairs. At least three different male victims said "What the @#!*?" when they were confronted with Jason. The black guy had a slight variation though since he's black. Seriously, whoever wrote this should be embarrassed.
The cast was also bad. Travis Van Winkle should never act again. What is the appeal of this guy anyway? He can't act for squat and resembles Vincent from the Beauty and the Beast TV series. And Jared Padalecki (though one of the better actors here) would probably look better without the Farrah Fawcett hairdo. I had a very difficult time telling the actresses they hired apart. When blonde #1 was killed and they cut back to the cabin to blonde #2 I was like "I thought she was already dead?" And then there's a missing sister, who I kept confusing with the rich jock's girlfriend toward the end. If you can hire a black and an Asian actor to help diffuse all the shaggy-haired white boys, then why can't you hire an attractive black or Asian actress? Preferrably one who isn't sporting a set of distracting and unnatural-looking silicone cans like several actresses in this film. No wonder Willa Ford couldn't keep herself under water for long! Note to parents: If your daughter begs you for a set of DD bolt-on's for her 18th birthday, get her a Prada handbag instead. She'll thank you later.
The film is full of extremely stupid moments and scenes. Getting hit directly in the head by a speedboat going about 50 miles per hour will only result in a tiny little boo-boo. And the extensive lair of underground catacombs under Jason's house? Did Jason dig all that out or is it some sewer system in the middle of the woods? Maybe a former coal mine... with an escape hatch through an overturned school bus? Whaaaaaaa? Then we have Jason keeping a hostage. Well, the Jason I like don't play like that. Are they trying to now "humanize" him like Rob Zombie did with Michael Myers in his equally wretched "remake" of HALLOWEEN? Urghhh...
It all leads up to an ending that fails just as badly as the rest of the movie. The original has that legendary moment that made people jump from their seats while the people who made this botched that opportunity because of a completely awful editing cut. So sad to say, this was sloppy, irritating and pretty much just plain boring. It could have been fun. It's not. JASON GOES TO HELL and JASON X were even better than this!