Alien Thunder (1974)
1/10
"Today we didn't start anywhere, we didn't get anywhere".
17 July 2011
Warning: Spoilers
Can a movie actually be painful to watch? I was already hitting the pause button at the eighteen minute mark to see how much of the picture was left and that's never a good thing. Up until now, "Cry Blood, Apache" has been the worst Western I've ever seen, but this one replaces it handily. Not a Western you say; merely a technicality. Not an American film, fine, the Canadians made some duds as well. By the way, I saw the picture under the title "Dan Candy's Law", not that it makes any difference. Dan Candy was Donald Sutherland's character, just a couple years after he appeared as Hawkeye Pierce in "MASH". So I have to ask, what was he thinking?

Based on a true story apparently, I could basically make out it had to do with Dan Candy tracking a rogue Indian after he shot Candy's partner, fellow Mountie Malcolm Grant (Kevin McCarthy). What made the story difficult to follow were the frequent and abrupt scene changes, almost always disconnected, and editing that was fond of showing headless characters, half faces and the sound of voices with no one on screen. Any episode of 'Sergeant Preston of the Yukon' blows this film away, so string three of them together and you have a better hour and a half spent.

Besides Sutherland, this one also had Chief Dan George in the cast, probably my favorite Native American actor. However even he couldn't salvage the story, because as he himself stated in "Little Big Man" - "...sometimes the magic works, sometimes it doesn't". He had a memorable quote in this picture as well, speaking to Dan Candy on the whereabouts of his son Almighty Voice (Gordon Tootoosis) - "You've become hunter, but there's nothing to hunt". However he was trumped by Corporal Bellringer, who was probably speaking about the picture when he stated - "The whole thing is sloppy, beginning to end". That's what I thought too.
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