John Carter (2012)
John Carter is Silly Vintage Science Fiction and Little More
21 March 2012
Nearly a century ago, Edgar Rice Burroughs wrote the first of many John Carter novels. It's very much vintage science fiction; the novels went on to inspire minds like George Lucas and James Cameron, who created their own adventures with many throwbacks to Burroughs' work. Despite numerous efforts, John Carter did not make it to the big screen until 2012 under the direction of Finding Nemo director Andrew Stanton. It's Stanton's first live action film, and is clearly meant to be a huge event like Star Wars.

You've probably seen the confusing and rather stupid trailers. With this, you probably also have no idea whatsoever what this film is about. John Carter is a reluctant soldier in the Civil War who stumbles upon a strange cave and medallion that transports him to Mars. Mars is, in fact, inhabited by multiple races of Tharks (15 foot tall aliens) and humans, who are in the middle of planet spanning wars. Carter finds himself in the middle of this political controversy and ends up confronting the evil forces threatening to destroy the planet.

It's plain and simple cheesy vintage science fiction. That's really all this ever was and all it is. As someone who would lump Star Wars into that same category, don't think I'm saying that as a condemnation of the film. This is simply the genre we're dealing with here. If you're into this sort of thing, definitely go see John Carer because it's really not all that bad of a film. It has plenty of problems, but is entertaining enough for what it is. The largest differentiating factor between John Carter and Star Wars doesn't come from the direction or even the outlandish stories, but rather in the simple talent of casting.

Star Wars is fun not only because it has interesting special effects, but because there is a great cast that's clearly having a lot of fun together. The main reason why the prequels failed was because there was no one as charismatic and charming as Han Solo to keep things out of pure science fiction. This is a guilty pleasure genre that needs a charming lead to justify watching to the masses. John Carter is a character who could easily have combined the traits of a Luke Skywalker and a Han Solo, only we have Taylor Kitsch here playing it straight and lacking completely in the charm department. There's no real chemistry in the love story and he's rather wooden. This is a big problem, and keeps the film from really being fun. Basically, you need a Harrison Ford to carry a film like this, and Taylor Kitsch is no Harry Ford.

As it is, it's not necessarily fun, but it's an interesting two hours where you learn a lot of information about Burrough's universe. It's not anything that groundbreaking in the modern age where these stories are fairly common. The characters adequately serve the story while never really being anyone you root for. This keeps you at a distance, while not exactly turning you off completely. As I've said, there are plenty of problems that keep John Carter from being a successful epic, but it does not deserve the horrible reputation it currently holds.

So, you're left with a mixed bag that's interesting to look at. Is that enough for you? I can kind of appreciate the throwback to old science fiction as well as old Hollywood epics. That's enough for me for two hours, but you should take a lot more into consideration when you're making a $250 million investment on something like this.

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