This yet-another-version of The Three Musketeers at first felt like it had a lot going for it. The period quality was actually very nice and clearly tops, budget-wise. They were CGI-ing the Paris of the 18th century - to be expected - but otherwise it felt quite genuine. Make it grimy, muddy, and a bit dark and dank and you'll probably feel like it really was the actual century the original Dumas' novel was set in.
But, eventually, they blew it. Paul W.S. Anderson, who has a well-deserved reputation as a schlock director, let his desire to turn this into an action-adventure schlock-fest force the film into a series of bizarre turns. We end up seeing completely out-of-place floating warships that we're made to believe AREN'T actually out-of-place because they were built from Leonardo DaVinci's original drawings of these warships. We're supposed to believe that even though DaVinci conceived of and drew up the plans for a ship that the technology existed to actually build it? Riiiight.
They use these warships as foundation for much of the story and that's where the movie really sags. You're setting the central action of this movie around hardware that wouldn't and couldn't have existed in the original? And you don't even try to make the inherent improbability of this even fun or funny?
There's great humor and the actors chosen for Athos, Porthos and Aramis are good to great. Ultimately, however, I wanted them used for something more meaningful than the silliness of a bunch of fictional flying warships.
As Milady Dewinter, Milla Jovovich plays her as a true psychopath (though I'm sure she was written that way). She seems largely unfeeling and kills and schemes against others seemingly without compunction, forethought, or a moral compass of any kind. She does not garner any sympathy whatsoever. Also, she had a strange way of chewing on her dialogue. It looked as though Jovovich had some kind of plastic surgery and didn't look or sound quite right.
Orlando Bloom as Lord Buckingham is genuinely bad in his role. He does not do villain well. I mostly want to laugh at rather than hate him. He also seemed to have a fake accent and I wanted to slap him for his attempts to be mean or menacing.
SPOILER warning: There's some genuinely stupid liberties taken in the movie. Ones where you just scratch your head and go "huh?" For example, after Lord Buckingham improbably builds DaVinci's floating warship (after the Musketeers are double-crossed and DaVinci's plans are stolen from them by Diwinter and Buckingham), the head of the Cardinal's guard, Rochefort, somehow manages to very quickly build his own much larger and more powerful version. How they do this without plans is not explained. It just shows up and starts fighting, thus setting up the ridiculous warship-on-warship action sequences.
Also (another SPOILER), Milady Dewinter jumps off the flying warship after being captured by the Musketeers. By any reasonable estimation she falls at least a few thousand feet into the ocean. So - she's dead, right? Nope! Last scene of the movie she was impossibly "fished out of the water" by Buckingham who in turn - in another impossible sequence - is going after the Musketeers with dozens of floating and airborne warships. It's never explained or made clear why he needs that much hardware to defeat a small group of plucky Frenchmen. This also attempts to prepare us for what we're supposed to believe will be a sequel to this rather schlocky and lame version of the Musketeers.
One more thing that's ridiculous. Early in the movie the Musketeers, hoping to head off Buckingham and get to "DaVinci's vault" (no relationship to Capone's) and steal his plan for the floating warship before he gets to it escape from the vault by blowing up the ceiling above it, which in turn draws in the canal waters of Venice into the vault thereby by destroying everything in the vault. Yes, they destroy all of DaVinci's priceless, genius notebooks just to get away. Ugh. I know it's just a movie, but thank you, Director Anderson.
The film is in other ways redeeming. The sword-fight sequences were good. Freddie Fox as Louis XIII is quite a hilarious and absurd choice for the boy King. The sheer volume of ridiculous outfits he wears is a joy.
Speaking of outfits, the wardrobe at the very least for the movie must be HIGHLY commended. They did an absolute A-level job on making the costumes and must have had a fleet of seamstresses and costumers. Milady Dewinter - in addition to the King - goes through seemingly dozens of beautifully made dresses and outfits. They're all quite beautiful and stunning, even when, in the King's case, they're utterly silly.
The Musketeers and D'Artagnan are all good and the actress playing D'Artagnan's love interest (Gabriella Wilde) is spectacularly, supermodel- level beautiful. She shines on the screen. While she considers D'Artagnan a country rube she somehow ignores this after he saves the day a few times. I guess being a super-swashbuckler is all it takes these days to win over the uber-hot chick.
I think this is worth a rental. I wouldn't have seen this in the movie theater's, but rental, yes. It's entertaining to a degree and there's some funny moments for sure. But, for historical accuracy and general quality, there's much better versions out there.
But, eventually, they blew it. Paul W.S. Anderson, who has a well-deserved reputation as a schlock director, let his desire to turn this into an action-adventure schlock-fest force the film into a series of bizarre turns. We end up seeing completely out-of-place floating warships that we're made to believe AREN'T actually out-of-place because they were built from Leonardo DaVinci's original drawings of these warships. We're supposed to believe that even though DaVinci conceived of and drew up the plans for a ship that the technology existed to actually build it? Riiiight.
They use these warships as foundation for much of the story and that's where the movie really sags. You're setting the central action of this movie around hardware that wouldn't and couldn't have existed in the original? And you don't even try to make the inherent improbability of this even fun or funny?
There's great humor and the actors chosen for Athos, Porthos and Aramis are good to great. Ultimately, however, I wanted them used for something more meaningful than the silliness of a bunch of fictional flying warships.
As Milady Dewinter, Milla Jovovich plays her as a true psychopath (though I'm sure she was written that way). She seems largely unfeeling and kills and schemes against others seemingly without compunction, forethought, or a moral compass of any kind. She does not garner any sympathy whatsoever. Also, she had a strange way of chewing on her dialogue. It looked as though Jovovich had some kind of plastic surgery and didn't look or sound quite right.
Orlando Bloom as Lord Buckingham is genuinely bad in his role. He does not do villain well. I mostly want to laugh at rather than hate him. He also seemed to have a fake accent and I wanted to slap him for his attempts to be mean or menacing.
SPOILER warning: There's some genuinely stupid liberties taken in the movie. Ones where you just scratch your head and go "huh?" For example, after Lord Buckingham improbably builds DaVinci's floating warship (after the Musketeers are double-crossed and DaVinci's plans are stolen from them by Diwinter and Buckingham), the head of the Cardinal's guard, Rochefort, somehow manages to very quickly build his own much larger and more powerful version. How they do this without plans is not explained. It just shows up and starts fighting, thus setting up the ridiculous warship-on-warship action sequences.
Also (another SPOILER), Milady Dewinter jumps off the flying warship after being captured by the Musketeers. By any reasonable estimation she falls at least a few thousand feet into the ocean. So - she's dead, right? Nope! Last scene of the movie she was impossibly "fished out of the water" by Buckingham who in turn - in another impossible sequence - is going after the Musketeers with dozens of floating and airborne warships. It's never explained or made clear why he needs that much hardware to defeat a small group of plucky Frenchmen. This also attempts to prepare us for what we're supposed to believe will be a sequel to this rather schlocky and lame version of the Musketeers.
One more thing that's ridiculous. Early in the movie the Musketeers, hoping to head off Buckingham and get to "DaVinci's vault" (no relationship to Capone's) and steal his plan for the floating warship before he gets to it escape from the vault by blowing up the ceiling above it, which in turn draws in the canal waters of Venice into the vault thereby by destroying everything in the vault. Yes, they destroy all of DaVinci's priceless, genius notebooks just to get away. Ugh. I know it's just a movie, but thank you, Director Anderson.
The film is in other ways redeeming. The sword-fight sequences were good. Freddie Fox as Louis XIII is quite a hilarious and absurd choice for the boy King. The sheer volume of ridiculous outfits he wears is a joy.
Speaking of outfits, the wardrobe at the very least for the movie must be HIGHLY commended. They did an absolute A-level job on making the costumes and must have had a fleet of seamstresses and costumers. Milady Dewinter - in addition to the King - goes through seemingly dozens of beautifully made dresses and outfits. They're all quite beautiful and stunning, even when, in the King's case, they're utterly silly.
The Musketeers and D'Artagnan are all good and the actress playing D'Artagnan's love interest (Gabriella Wilde) is spectacularly, supermodel- level beautiful. She shines on the screen. While she considers D'Artagnan a country rube she somehow ignores this after he saves the day a few times. I guess being a super-swashbuckler is all it takes these days to win over the uber-hot chick.
I think this is worth a rental. I wouldn't have seen this in the movie theater's, but rental, yes. It's entertaining to a degree and there's some funny moments for sure. But, for historical accuracy and general quality, there's much better versions out there.