ironhorse_iv Review of Pocket Ninjas

Pocket Ninjas (1997 Video)

This movie is more like an empty pocket of cob-webs, and moths.

[1/10 · 25 April 2013]

This is without doubt one of the worst film ever made, this film makes every other bad films looks good. I am amazed by how bad this film is. I really doubt this movie made any money in any return. I feel bad for who-ever produce this film. I was morbidly curious, so I watched it first. That was a major lapse of judgment. Its looks like a rip-off of Three Ninjas and Power Rangers. Anyways, first off, what is with the title? Pocket Ninja? What is that? Sounds like a pervert name where a guy who'd ask kids to put their hand into his pocket and they'd end up grabbing his privates. Stupid title. Pocket Ninjas was originally entitled Skate Dragons. The film was intended to be a children's version of 1991's The Roller Blade Seven that would showcase director Donald G. Jacksons' "Roller Cam" cinematography and "Zen Film-making" style. "Zen Film Making" is the philosophy of film making that says you don't need a script to your movie, you just film a bunch of random scenes and call it a movie. Pointless scenes such as a balloon factory fight, a guy riding on top of a stolen car. It has nothing to do with the main story. A stupid parade and last a supersonic virtual reality game with annoying sounds and music to make your ears bleed. However, Jackson was replaced when executive producers felt the "Zen Film-making" style was not working. Eddy was brought in to create a wrap around for the Jackson and the producer's extra footage. It was a mess. The film starts with clowns, no really, three kids that looks like Ninja ass clowns with their masks on trying to fight crime. They are Steve (Brad Bufanda) whom girlfriend Amy complaining about him near the end was out of the blue. It really paid off by only showing the top of her head. The next one is Damien (Joseph Valencia) whom special ninja power is that he can play a Gameboy with no cartridge. Last is Tanya (Sondi) who kicks in the endless amounts of training montages are just bad to watch. ¾ of the film is just training montages. The whole point of the training montages in movies is to pump us up for the big final fight scene. In order for us to be pumped up, they have to be pumped up. They have to looks motivated and dedicated in those cut scenes not sleepy. Their skills also don't improve from one training scene to the next - they're always bad. If I have kids, they're not getting Karate lessons, because I've seen enough kids training in this movie than I'd want to in my life or next! Their leader is the White Dragon (Gary Daniels). No surprised there. I wonder what Black Dragon thinks about this. Painful acting on display by Gary Daniels and from everybody. No worries, Gary Daniel's character disappears half way in the film and never returns. It's never explain. The worst acting is Cubby Khan (Rick Rabago) the kid leader of the street gang called the Stoners, or Stringers. They change their name throughout the film. He reads his line with no delivery. His father Cobra Khan (Robert Z'Dar) while not playing patty cake and doing a Tarzan impression is working with an evil pollution company man to pour toxic waste or something. The plot never get fresh out, as even a sub-plot romantic between White Dragon and Damien's mother is cut. The writing is so bad, it felt like it's in a different language. Like, Canadian or something. I think that some up the sheer stupidity of the movie. I really do. This movie is in fact a definition of real low-brow stupidity brought to screen. Pocket Ninjas was so bad, it was produce in 1994, but wasn't release on VCR until 1997. It seems like the fight never ends. Just like the movie