Imagine the Big Lebowski without any laughs, plus a really bad electronic disco music soundtrack, plus really bad film editing, cheap cinematography, plus the most annoying, never-ending credit intro in movie history, plus a really bad script and a lot of improv dialog made up mostly of the F-word.
That's 8 Million Ways to Die.
The film starts with terrible electronic music under a credit intro where the camera just keeps filming San Diego traffic patterns that have nothing to do with anything else. And this goes on forever. So if you're smart (not like me) you'll get annoyed enough right at this point and turn the piece of trash film off (GOOD CHOICE!).
Then we have Det. Matt Scudder (Bridges) and his posse from the sheriff's dept. wearing really cheap uniforms running around a drug house. Scudder shoots the suspect when he takes a baseball bat to the rest of his team.
Then he gets suspended from the force, then he becomes an alcoholic, loses his family and job, joins AA, meets Sunny the hooker (the most annoying dingbat since Edith Bunker), who wants to quit taking pipe, but she's afraid of what her pimp might do to her. Scudder tries to pay off Sunny's pimp, but he doesn't want the money and says Sunny is free to quit. But then she gets abducted, murdered, and dumped off a bridge. Scudder is so upset that he falls off the wagon (I would have been glad to get rid of her!), blacks out, and wakes up in the detox ward a week or so later looking like total crap.
Then he starts to investigate Sunny's murder. Scudder, Sunny's hooker pal Sarah (Rosanna Arquette), and scummy drug lord Angel (Andy Garcia) argue using the F-word and threaten to kill each other a lot. Angel takes Sarah hostage.
Scudder finds out that Angel murdered Sunny, steals a bunch of his cocaine, and holds it hostage to get Sarah back. Then they meet in a warehouse and yell the F-word a lot more at each other and Scudder blows up Angel's coke anyway. But Angel gets away.
Scudder takes Sarah home (where of course, she will be perfectly safe, since Angel would never think to try to find her in her own house!). Angel is there waiting and they shoot at each other until Angel gets shot, then runs out of bullets and tries to reload right in front of Scudder. Scudder wisely shoots Angel in the head before he can reload his gun.
Scudder and Sarah live happily ever after as members of AA.
The end.
There!
I saved you having to watch the worst film ever to star Jeff Bridges.
You're welcome!
That's 8 Million Ways to Die.
The film starts with terrible electronic music under a credit intro where the camera just keeps filming San Diego traffic patterns that have nothing to do with anything else. And this goes on forever. So if you're smart (not like me) you'll get annoyed enough right at this point and turn the piece of trash film off (GOOD CHOICE!).
Then we have Det. Matt Scudder (Bridges) and his posse from the sheriff's dept. wearing really cheap uniforms running around a drug house. Scudder shoots the suspect when he takes a baseball bat to the rest of his team.
Then he gets suspended from the force, then he becomes an alcoholic, loses his family and job, joins AA, meets Sunny the hooker (the most annoying dingbat since Edith Bunker), who wants to quit taking pipe, but she's afraid of what her pimp might do to her. Scudder tries to pay off Sunny's pimp, but he doesn't want the money and says Sunny is free to quit. But then she gets abducted, murdered, and dumped off a bridge. Scudder is so upset that he falls off the wagon (I would have been glad to get rid of her!), blacks out, and wakes up in the detox ward a week or so later looking like total crap.
Then he starts to investigate Sunny's murder. Scudder, Sunny's hooker pal Sarah (Rosanna Arquette), and scummy drug lord Angel (Andy Garcia) argue using the F-word and threaten to kill each other a lot. Angel takes Sarah hostage.
Scudder finds out that Angel murdered Sunny, steals a bunch of his cocaine, and holds it hostage to get Sarah back. Then they meet in a warehouse and yell the F-word a lot more at each other and Scudder blows up Angel's coke anyway. But Angel gets away.
Scudder takes Sarah home (where of course, she will be perfectly safe, since Angel would never think to try to find her in her own house!). Angel is there waiting and they shoot at each other until Angel gets shot, then runs out of bullets and tries to reload right in front of Scudder. Scudder wisely shoots Angel in the head before he can reload his gun.
Scudder and Sarah live happily ever after as members of AA.
The end.
There!
I saved you having to watch the worst film ever to star Jeff Bridges.
You're welcome!