Review of Jamaica Inn

Jamaica Inn (2014–2015)
2/10
Dismal and Abysmal
30 March 2015
Flipped this on, on Acorn--thrilled to see a Du Maurier tale, which is a nice break from the usual dreck...or so I thought. This was, simply and positively AWFUL. I don't know what dream team dreamt this up, but it dragged on, and on, and on. It held no suspense (is there anyone alive who didn't know who the "fiendish culprit" was, in the first third of it?), the characters had as much charisma as a plate of old salmon, and the dialog was beyond comprehension. I'm accustomed to using closed-captioning for everything, so, no: it wasn't the hideously bad accents, nor the dreadful voice-overs (really? In this day and age, that's the best that they could do?), nor the grotesque overacting by every single member of the cast, save the young actor playing Jem Merlyn. It was logy, and there wasn't anything to do to save it.

The continuity errors were painful to watch--the mud-drenched heroine's hemline, popping up-down-up-down, as if she walked through a mystical dry-cleaners while slogging from the dreadful Inn to the Moors. The over-reliance, by the DOP on the darkness to set the mood, rather than actual interior shots or, gods forfend, ACTING. It's got that ridiculously dark "modern" feel to it, as if Dark Shadows had sex with some soap opera and out popped a "gritty" movie. YAWN.

When I realized that Acorn had stupidly only put 2 of the 3 "episodes" up for viewing, I honestly didn't know whether to be vexed or relieved that I wouldn't have to watch the last third. What's left to know, after the second part, other than slogging through the now non-existent denouement? I hope that the actress (who played Lady Sybil Crawley) certainly didn't leave Downton Abbey for this piece of drivel--her career should, I'd hope, survive, in SPITE of this, but it's no thanks to her acting in this. I watched her "emote" several facial expressions that were incomprehensible to me--and I know the story line. Given how ridiculously over-long this is, they should have been able to provide some character depth, but didn't. It's ironically both too long (by half, mind you) and yet too shallow at the same time.

Inexplicably bad. The Seymour version, albeit sort of "Made for Lifetime Movie-ish," and overwrought, is better than this. Better yet, stick with the novel. If you do flip it on, don't say you haven't been warned. I don't know what version the "crackling with tension" reviewer was watching, but maybe he had a battery charger hooked up to his chair and was jolting himself every 5 minutes. THAT would be less torturous than watching this again, or even finishing it.
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