It was a sunny Tuesday afternoon and after finishing work early I decided to relax and enjoy a new release on Netflix. My dog was sleeping on the balcony after his afternoon walk, my microwavable lasagna was cooling off on my coffee table and I laid down on the couch with the remote control in one hand and a glass of Pinot Noir in the other hand.
I scrolled through the movies and as an avid scuba diver and a fan of "Sanctum" I decided to give this intriguing film a chance.
After about twenty seconds into the movie I found myself stopping it, not because it looked bad (the cinematography was the only decent thing in this train wreck), but because I wanted to see if I could change the audio back to its original language instead of having to listen to the horrendous English dubbing, but Netflix wasn't offering that option (Bad Netflix, Bad!). I returned to the movie with lowered expectations that still ended up being shattered throughout the movie.
***Spoiler Alert****
After getting to meet the protagonists (a couple and their friend the third wheel) we get to observe mad skills from one of the two guys who manages to race his friend through windy mountain roads while making out with his girlfriend sitting in the passenger seat. I laughed it off as a typical film car scene where actors forget that they're supposed to look like they're driving and carried on...
The race between the couple and the third wheel riding his motorcycle looked more like a funeral motorcade than an actual race but maybe the guy driving the car was just being careful because he knew he was transporting everyone's dive equipment in his tiny car...ahem
They get to a cabin where they come up with a plan for their big adventure: Go into a cave and follow a map that looks like a coffee stain and find the/an exit with no contingency plan. They all quickly agree and we all realize that they're not the smartest bunch.
The couple then proceeds to have sex with the lights on in front of "Third wheel" who also happens to be the girl's ex-boyfriend.
They're not a wise bunch but they are strong, REALLY strong, they carry their dive gear and oxygen tanks through the forest and down the cave like they're just carrying a Camelpak on their morning stroll around the neighborhood...
There is a quick homage to another adventure gone bad named "Deliverance", there are a few moments with no payoffs followed by a few cheesy lines and they finally descend into the cave.
At some point, what we were all waiting for finally happens: The cave crumbles and blocks the only known way out of the cave, but nobody seems phased by this... but it's OK, because it's already been established that they ain't that bright.
With no way out and at least a few days without a cold shower, "Third wheel" realizes he doesn't want to be the third wheel anymore and decides to fondle his ex-girlfriend while she's asleep next to her current boyfriend: creepy factor is high there and that is probably the "Terror beyond all expectations" from the tag line of the movie.
They stick with the plan and finally get to dive and since safety has never been an issue on this trip, nobody realizes that "Boyfriend" runs out of air and is about to drown... but it's OK, he makes it to the top alive...
And then he dies after a short fight with "Third wheel" who drowns him a few feet away from his girlfriend who doesn't see anything in the crystal clear water...oh no wait, he's still breathing
The end is just weird and feels like the writers had a deadline to meet and no creative juice.
After, boyfriend gets killed in front of girlfriend (because third wheel didn't hear her running back to them in the otherwise empty silent cave), third wheel becomes creepy, then he snaps and goes insane and thinks he's talking to his dad on the phone, he dies, and girlfriend jumps in the water to commit suicide but she accidentally finds the mysterious exit and
"The end"...
At least my Pinot Noir was good *sigh*
I scrolled through the movies and as an avid scuba diver and a fan of "Sanctum" I decided to give this intriguing film a chance.
After about twenty seconds into the movie I found myself stopping it, not because it looked bad (the cinematography was the only decent thing in this train wreck), but because I wanted to see if I could change the audio back to its original language instead of having to listen to the horrendous English dubbing, but Netflix wasn't offering that option (Bad Netflix, Bad!). I returned to the movie with lowered expectations that still ended up being shattered throughout the movie.
***Spoiler Alert****
After getting to meet the protagonists (a couple and their friend the third wheel) we get to observe mad skills from one of the two guys who manages to race his friend through windy mountain roads while making out with his girlfriend sitting in the passenger seat. I laughed it off as a typical film car scene where actors forget that they're supposed to look like they're driving and carried on...
The race between the couple and the third wheel riding his motorcycle looked more like a funeral motorcade than an actual race but maybe the guy driving the car was just being careful because he knew he was transporting everyone's dive equipment in his tiny car...ahem
They get to a cabin where they come up with a plan for their big adventure: Go into a cave and follow a map that looks like a coffee stain and find the/an exit with no contingency plan. They all quickly agree and we all realize that they're not the smartest bunch.
The couple then proceeds to have sex with the lights on in front of "Third wheel" who also happens to be the girl's ex-boyfriend.
They're not a wise bunch but they are strong, REALLY strong, they carry their dive gear and oxygen tanks through the forest and down the cave like they're just carrying a Camelpak on their morning stroll around the neighborhood...
There is a quick homage to another adventure gone bad named "Deliverance", there are a few moments with no payoffs followed by a few cheesy lines and they finally descend into the cave.
At some point, what we were all waiting for finally happens: The cave crumbles and blocks the only known way out of the cave, but nobody seems phased by this... but it's OK, because it's already been established that they ain't that bright.
With no way out and at least a few days without a cold shower, "Third wheel" realizes he doesn't want to be the third wheel anymore and decides to fondle his ex-girlfriend while she's asleep next to her current boyfriend: creepy factor is high there and that is probably the "Terror beyond all expectations" from the tag line of the movie.
They stick with the plan and finally get to dive and since safety has never been an issue on this trip, nobody realizes that "Boyfriend" runs out of air and is about to drown... but it's OK, he makes it to the top alive...
And then he dies after a short fight with "Third wheel" who drowns him a few feet away from his girlfriend who doesn't see anything in the crystal clear water...oh no wait, he's still breathing
The end is just weird and feels like the writers had a deadline to meet and no creative juice.
After, boyfriend gets killed in front of girlfriend (because third wheel didn't hear her running back to them in the otherwise empty silent cave), third wheel becomes creepy, then he snaps and goes insane and thinks he's talking to his dad on the phone, he dies, and girlfriend jumps in the water to commit suicide but she accidentally finds the mysterious exit and
"The end"...
At least my Pinot Noir was good *sigh*