7/10
DeCoteau gets the holy trinity of scream queens together again
20 December 2017
"Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-o-Rama" is an enjoyable b-movie horror-flick/boobfest from David DeCoteau, who directed this one before he found his homoerotic side.

The plot concerns two sorority pledges, played by b-movie scream queens Michelle Bauer and Brinke Stevens, who are instructed to break into a bowling alley by their potential sisters. They are accompanied by a trio of '80s nerds, identifiable by the fact that they wear glasses and ugly shirts. One of them in the requisite fat-guy-who-is-always-eating. I guess his presence is what makes this a horror "comedy"; all '80s boob comedies featured this character as a mainstay, but I can't think of too many straight-horror flicks that did.

Anyway, after getting their panty-covered butts paddled and giving us a requisite shower scene, the girls go to the bowling alley with their dorky chaperones. They expect to have to break in but find the doors unlocked, which is sort-of explained by one of the sorority sisters having a father who owns the mall. At least they TRIED to explain that unbelievable stroke of luck.

When they go inside, the holy trinity of scream queens is completed by none other than Linnea Quigley playing her usual bad girl role, but hey, she does it so well, and looks stunning here. Disappointingly, she doesn't get naked, but you can't have everything.

Anyway, the movie makes what feels like a belated, and perhaps even unnecessary, detour into horror territory when a trophy the girls are supposed to steal is dropped, and releases a mysterious gas, which in movies like these, always indicates that a "spirit" or supernatural creature of some kind has been set free.

Is this the only movie ever with a haunted trophy? It's got to be the only movie with a haunted BOWLING trophy. I guess they think that a trophy looks enough like a lamp that they can just swap one for the other and nobody will notice.

What the movie refers to as an "imp" materialises, having apparently been stuck in said trophy before it was dropped (they didn't even have to rub it?). This creature looks like something made in ceramics class by an unusually talented twelve year old. I don't mind that the claymation to make the thing talk is predictably shoddy. But they could have at least painted it or something.

The imp's voice is also a really strange touch. It's not in any way a typical monster, horror movie voice. It sounds like a gay Jamaican after a stroke.

The imp offers our heroes some wishes, but also possesses some other people, and you can pretty much fill in the blanks from there. I confess I sort of lost interest when the movie went into tiresome slasher mode, but there were a few other things that set this one apart:

1. One of the nerds asks the imp to allow him to have sex with Michelle Bauer (hell, wouldn't you?) And they get what seems like an endless series of scenes together. The movie keeps cutting away to scenes of action elsewhere as the horror movie plot develops, and then cutting back to Bauer and the nerd. And back. And back. And back. It makes you wonder how long they were supposed to be together for. Each time we revisit the two, Bauer has less clothes on than before. It's like they're playing the world's slowest game of strip poker.

2. I haven't mentioned it yet, because it really goes without needing to be mentioned with movies like these, that Stevens, particularly, looks too old to be in college, and especially to be young enough to be trying to join a sorority, which is something I assume people do when they first start university. But what's unusual is that there is a janitor character who is apparently supposed to be old, hard-of-hearing and senile, and yet clearly isn't old enough for at least two of those. Movies are always trying to make us believe actors are younger than they really are. It's not often that they try to make us think actors are old and decrepit when they clearly aren't, at least out of Hollywood biopics.

3. Lastly, there is a pretty cool scene where someone bowls with a decapitated head. I mean, in a horror movie set in a bowling alley, how can you not include that?

"Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama" is an entertaining flick that is obviously a much-watch for b-movie and '80s horror fans for its featuring Stevens, Bauer and Quigley in the one movie. However, strange as it is to say, I wish it hadn't gone to typical-slasher toward the end there. That's when it becomes a lot less fun.
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