This film is not a Transformers film. Make no mistake, there are transformers in it. It gives some passing lip service to a space war; there is some relativist remark about "traitors" and "rebellion", as well as autobots and deceptacons, but they are just a few splotches of what might be vivid paint to color out the background of an otherwise bland movie.
That movie is basically a remake of the Iron Giant, only the robot, instead of being a kind of visual towering steam-punk monstrosity which becomes humanized through the influence of a 10 year old boy and his imagination, personal ethics, and love of comic books, now a 17-year-old girl who has the character depth of a shoe sole, but is replete with angst, dead-daddy abandonment issues, and general 21st century loser-ness, is going to covet a cute "mini size" robot that makes the perfect car for her -- a yellow VW Beetle. At least they got the car right this time. But they are keeping (and explaining) the "can't talk" idiom, so 80s music will be featured heavily.
Together, they will bungle through antics that were fresh with Charlie Chaplin, and got stale somewhere around the time of Beethoven's 4th. The robot will get into the house unsupervised and break things. He will do goofy and inappropriate things, like ignoring the steering wheel while the comic book "out of touch mom" is driving. No, I'm kidding... we don't even get that. Mostly it's interludes of flim-flamy diaglogue meant to give us an emotional investment in cut-off-tank-top 80s girl, as she explores her issues with nerdy afro-boy. And makes lemonade while wearing a doofy hat. Or was it falice like corn dogs? The movie can't make up it's mind. But it does get in it's licks against the "plastics", who belittle our heroine for driving a VW Beetle. A VW Beetle that, in fact, is pretty unremarkable. In a throw down between Herbie and Bumblebee, I'd put my money on Herbie.
But anyway, the plastics will get their comeuppance. Household objects will be experimented with. Nostalgic 80's pop-culture will be exploited. Humans will be splatted like goo. Beard step-dad will fail to be cool driving a more historically accurate version of the Wagon Queen Family Truckster. An a couple of paper thin deceptacon baddies will overcome... somehow... the big finale battle is so ridiculous you will just have to set aside anything remotely resembling the laws of physics once again and watch the CGI in "oooh, ahhh" mode. Your kids will leave the theater with visions of Bumblebee merch dancing in their heads. Although they will have a pretty nominal connection to the people and attempted emotional note of in the film. So if you are raising the next generation of vacuous consumer, by all means, pick up a copy of this film for your kids. But if you want to set your kids up for an appreciation of the humanities and storytelling, do them a favor and pick up a copy of The Iron Giant instead.
That movie is basically a remake of the Iron Giant, only the robot, instead of being a kind of visual towering steam-punk monstrosity which becomes humanized through the influence of a 10 year old boy and his imagination, personal ethics, and love of comic books, now a 17-year-old girl who has the character depth of a shoe sole, but is replete with angst, dead-daddy abandonment issues, and general 21st century loser-ness, is going to covet a cute "mini size" robot that makes the perfect car for her -- a yellow VW Beetle. At least they got the car right this time. But they are keeping (and explaining) the "can't talk" idiom, so 80s music will be featured heavily.
Together, they will bungle through antics that were fresh with Charlie Chaplin, and got stale somewhere around the time of Beethoven's 4th. The robot will get into the house unsupervised and break things. He will do goofy and inappropriate things, like ignoring the steering wheel while the comic book "out of touch mom" is driving. No, I'm kidding... we don't even get that. Mostly it's interludes of flim-flamy diaglogue meant to give us an emotional investment in cut-off-tank-top 80s girl, as she explores her issues with nerdy afro-boy. And makes lemonade while wearing a doofy hat. Or was it falice like corn dogs? The movie can't make up it's mind. But it does get in it's licks against the "plastics", who belittle our heroine for driving a VW Beetle. A VW Beetle that, in fact, is pretty unremarkable. In a throw down between Herbie and Bumblebee, I'd put my money on Herbie.
But anyway, the plastics will get their comeuppance. Household objects will be experimented with. Nostalgic 80's pop-culture will be exploited. Humans will be splatted like goo. Beard step-dad will fail to be cool driving a more historically accurate version of the Wagon Queen Family Truckster. An a couple of paper thin deceptacon baddies will overcome... somehow... the big finale battle is so ridiculous you will just have to set aside anything remotely resembling the laws of physics once again and watch the CGI in "oooh, ahhh" mode. Your kids will leave the theater with visions of Bumblebee merch dancing in their heads. Although they will have a pretty nominal connection to the people and attempted emotional note of in the film. So if you are raising the next generation of vacuous consumer, by all means, pick up a copy of this film for your kids. But if you want to set your kids up for an appreciation of the humanities and storytelling, do them a favor and pick up a copy of The Iron Giant instead.