Pass Thru (2016)
1/10
Um ?
30 December 2019
Warning: Spoilers
Okay, so I'm only 2 minutes into watching Pass Thru and I can already hear Danny Glover from Predator 2 saying, "Hey, make sense man!" Have I glaucoma? There's some mysterious red poker dot on the screen. The foundation of the movie is being set by Barney Rubble vandalizing a cave with blot out liquid paper. We've also got a green screened tiger; computer whiz kids and Obi One Kenobi half dead in a dentist chair struggling on life support. I dunno if we're in Wyoming or Oregon as this tour group seems to be scouting Mount Shasta or the sand dunes of Tatooine, who knows? Wouldn't there be tiny scorpions or rattlesnakes out here? Alrighty - Breen's shooting up some substance even though he hasn't even cooked it yet. (One can't inject pure powder, Neil. Silly.) I'm watching Pass Thru as I write all this down and it makes about as much sense as a Chinese bible written in Latin so far. From what I can gather Breen overdoses & dies even though he's supposedly sent from the future? These 2 kids on the phones are in the same house. It's the same house! You ain't fooling no one, Mr. Movie Director fella. Elsewhere baddies are smuggling illegal immigrants into America. The illegal immigrants all have ready-made Yankee accents yet most of them are Mexican in appearance and are well versed in English might I add so I can deduce from this that they must have entered via Canada through the backdoor but this sure don't resemble Seattle if that's the case so what gives? There's that red Terminator laser beam again so it's not glaucoma. "Wherever the red dot goes, bang, you're dead." Breen's the walking dead going nowhere fast so it seems. He's sort of a disappearing act dropping in & out, I don't get it? The tiger & Breen face off in a Jedi mind trick battle which leads to nowhere? Apparently, Breen's been sent to cleanse the humans of their degradation & derailments? So, he's the spokesman for the future, is he? Out of all the things the future could have sent they send Neil Breen in human form? Kenobi continues to mourn his own pending death on the phone. This movie's in need of a compass A.S.A.P. Is that the monster from the end of the 1990 IT miniseries? The spidery cricket thing? Breen? You haven't built the suspense for the anarchy unfolding so early in the movie, guy! That comes later. It's called pacing. You're doing it all wrong. I'm only 22 minutes into this puzzle and it's scrambled eggs meets a Rubik's cube cross Sudoku combined with the Chinese bible thrown in of course. Seriously, are your movies designed just to be deciphered, Breen? It's like you just want to film a movie but don't bother writing it first. (Fools rush in, sir.) Why's everyone so angry & confused in this movie? They're all bickering like pigeons fighting over bread. Breen's got himself a new toy. Loves using this drone thingy. That annoying gadget was in the last Blair Witch movie and served no purpose. Wow - this woman at the 29:56-minute mark is poetic justice in action! She's left scratching her head wondering why she's even in this atrocity for. That's introspection for ya. Where's Kenobi gone? Holey Moley SHE JUST DIED! She witnessed Breen peeing on a cave then he disappeared into thin air and she rolled over and died. Did you know that there's more salt in Subway than a Big Mac? It's that grasshopper creature from IT lurking about again. Wait! Said lady's been resurrected by the gracious footsteps of Neil Breen approaching or the IT monster, I'm not sure? (I checked out back at the 22-minute mark.) Quote, "You're a weird dude." That's an understatement, lady. Now said lady is stoning Breen to death. Literally. That's twice he's died now. Or is it 3 times with the gun killing him earlier as well? Oh brother, now she's model coddling him back to good health after just slaughtering him. A Star Wars reference - WHAT? The editing is just balls. It's all over the shop. It's balls. Again, with the drone? Crop circles? Is this pet cemetery now? Breen's too advanced for mankind. He's ahead of his time. He's like from the year 8082, or something. Here he is using the force to levitate some baked bean tins just to impress some floozy, (Said woman.) The Neanderthal Barney Rubble blot out liquid paper palm painting is reminiscent of Total Recall. It's some kind of portal to conjure up the senseless tiger. For what reason who knows? (Only Breen and the tiger know.) Why don't you just become an astronaut if you're such a Martian, Breen or better yet can I make a suggestion? Can you write a book and explain yourself in great detail to set the record straight for the general public? We need either reason or understanding of what you're all about. I'll give this garbage 1 star out of 10 for the Lady in Red - she's hot. Sorry but my brain's set on snooze mode for now so let's conclude this dribble. Throughout the movie there's this constant windy noise like The Langoliers are approaching however they fail to materialize and in their place an Aurora Borealis does. "Let the light be in your eyes." What, the dead lights? Breen turns into a Mortal Kombat 2 God. There's the detection of Jones Town or Heaven's Gate with the valley of death in all its marvelous glory where dedicated devotees of Breen drink the funky out-of-date liquid and die for Breen's sins, or something. The end. Roll credits. Neil Breen director; producer, editor, star, caterer, puppet master, scientist, Don, boom mike, physiotherapist, mastermind, hair stylist, dentist, assistant director, distributor and any initials with LLB or NB you know who! He's all that and then some. I've seen all Breen's movies now and do you think I'll be damned for watching them in this order - Fateful Findings, Double Down, I Am Here....Now, Twisted Pair then Pass Thru. Did I watch his movies in the wrong order?
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