"I Lost All My Teeth Biting Off Snake Heads! Chicken Heads Too!"...
4 February 2020
DRIVE IN MASSACRE was meant to scare the patrons of the actual drive-ins that dotted the landscape of it's day. Starting off with a gag-inducing theme song, the horror gets under way.

A madman is lurking among the rows of cars, and beheads a pair of amorous customers. With a sword! As usual, the cops are stumped. Cantankerous, bullet-headed manager, Austin Johnson (Newton Naushaus) is no help at all. He just hates everyone and everything. Could he be the killer? Or, could it be Germy the "halfwit" janitor? Why is he so twitchy? And, Why is he wearing Pinocchio's hat? Hmm?

Meanwhile, in spite of the gory murders, the drive-in fills up the next night. Unsurprisingly, another couple is dispatched, this time in shish kebab fashion. And, on it goes. At no time does it seem like a bad idea to keep the drive-in open. Even when someone is killed every night!

This movie's biggest problem is that in between deaths, it's an extremely dull police investigation, conducted by the world's most lackluster detectives. They're more like fast food-loving carpet salesmen. While chasing a suspect, one fears that they could drop dead at any second!

By normal standards, this is a debacle. However, on the schlock scale, this is pure gold!

P.S.- Watch for an uncredited George "Buck" Flower as a marauding, bug-eyed maniac!...
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