Love's Last Resort (2017 TV Movie)
2/10
The Scariest Rom-Com I Have Ever Seen. No, Seriously.
8 July 2020
This movie was never meant to be taken seriously. It was very silly. So are movies like "Airplane" and "UHF." But those films did not make me cringe, the way this one did.

I have no idea what any of the characters was thinking in the course of this story. What did Chloe see in Eric? How could a doctor be so clueless? What did Eric do for a living? What did Alyssa do for a living, for that matter? Is Chloe the first attractive and (semi)intelligent person whom Hunter ever met? Hunter is the manager of a HOTEL - wouldn't he meet a lot of attractive women? How did it take two people ten years to realize they were not right for each other? Why did Hunter continue to like Chloe, when it was clear that she did not know how to "use her powers for good?" Did Eric's mother did have some kind of medical condition? I don't mean to sound rude - I have a brother with a disability - but everything that came out of the mother's mouth sounded like an aging drag queen trying to channel Ed Wynn's Mad Hatter.

I just don't understand how this ever sounded like a "movie" to anyone, cast or crew or producers or even the janitors, during production. This movie made no sense, and it was not funny. It was painful. Does it amuse an audience to watch characters make really stupid decisions over and over again? Was this supposed to be a satire, on the way some people will get obsessed over a product (in this case, a TV sitcom), and they just let it guide them through life like a book of philosophy? This brings to mind the 1998 movie "Pleasantville," which actually poked a lot of fun at sitcoms and ended up critiquing sitcom-culture a lot, while simultaneously admitting that sitcoms do have their charm.

I just don't know. This movie baffled me with a persistent idiocy that never quite became aware of itself. I did laugh out loud, once, toward the end when Chloe was sobbing over the lesson she had finally learned - but it was the wrong lesson! You're supposed to let go of the things that don't help you in life, not cherish them! Set goals in your life, not settle for other people's standards when their standards mean nothing to you!

I guess the point of this movie is that different people enjoy different things. People grow up, and they surprise you with how they develop. We don't always *know* the people we think we know. And just because a person changes, that doesn't mean you can't still be friends with him. But these characters were shallow, shortsighted, irresponsible - I don't know if I could trust any of these people to do so much as fix me a drink! Yet one of them is a published author, one of them is a hotel manager, and one of them is a practicing physician. Was this movie trying to blackmail the publishing industry, the hotel business, and the American Medical Association, all at once?

I genuinely feel frantic as I write this review. I like movies. I just don't understand why this movie got made. It had no chemistry, no logic, no turning point, no cleverness, no surprises, no substance. I did not believe that these were real people. I have trouble believing that the producers of this film were real people. And I am sorry that I am being so scathing here, but I am frightened. This movie undermined my grip on basic human reason. It did not offend me, but it dragged me so far away from reality that I'm not sure where I am anymore. "Howl's Moving Castle" is more firmly based in the real world. "Dark City" disturbed me less, because it knew the difference between optimism and pessimism. This movie terrified me. I never knew a happy-go-lucky romantic comedy could be so distorted, surreal, and manipulative.
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