3/10
Ditsy ingenue flits about in goofy slapstick comedy grafted onto exiguous murder mystery
18 February 2021
Warning: Spoilers
Deanna Durbin was 24 when Lady on a Train was released in 1945. Two years later she was the highest salaried woman in the United States. A year later she quit Hollywood and subsequently got married to the film's director, Charles David. Durbin grew tired of being cast in light-hearted roles of little to no substance and I can't but help speculate that her experience while shooting Lady on a Train was one of the impetuses that led to her early retirement.

Recently much to my chagrin, I was led to believe by Ben Mankiewicz on TCM that Durbin chose Lady on a Train because it was not a frivolous musical romp which were the kind of pictures she starred in prior to this one. And what's more Lady on a Train was actually described as a "film noir." Well I must emphatically deny that this is a noir in any way-rather it's a puerile slapstick comedy grafted onto a exiguous murder mystery.

Durbin plays Nicki Collins, a San Francisco debutante on her way to visit her aunt in New York City, a ditsy ingenue addicted to murder mystery novels. On the train headed into Grand Central, the train stops briefly and she witnesses a murder through the window of an apartment in an adjacent building (no this is not a taut thriller like Hitchcock's "Rear Window"). The police don't believe her especially when she extols the virtues of the murder mystery she was reading on the train. Nicki gets the idea she'll enlist the aid of mystery novelist Wayne Morgan (David Bruce)--the author of the book she was reading on the train--but is soon rebuffed by him.

Nicki's quest to find the apartment window where she saw the murder committed ends unsuccessfully. But while watching a newsreel in a movie theater, she recognizes the victim, Josiah Waring, a shipping magnate, whom it's claimed committed suicide. Things become even more ridiculous when Nicki decides to case the Waring mansion herself and is mistaken for Margo Martin (Maria Palmer), Josiah's trophy girlfriend and nightclub singer. Josiah's entire estate is left to Martin while his nephews Arnold (Dan Duryea) and Jonathan Waring (Ralph Bellamay) are left $1 a piece.

A pair of Josiah's bloody slippers end up as the MacGuffin here with Nicki taking possession (and then losing them more than once) at the hands of nightclub manager Saunders (George Coulouris), a conspirator in the murder along with his thug assistant Danny (Allen Jenkins).

What happens next is so inconsequential that I will only mention a few of the drab highlights: Morgan ends up assisting Nicki in thwarting the conspirators but loses his fiancée in the process; Margo Martin no longer wants to be involved in the plot and leaves, allowing Nicki to sing a couple of songs at the nightclub; Saunders is shot by Danny and Nicki and Morgan end up being arrested on false allegations brought by Danny. Arnold bails Nicki out and brings her to the warehouse where Josiah was murdered. Nicki is almost killed by Jonathan but Morgan saves the day by arriving with the police.

The insufferable score by Miklós Rózsa reinforces the goofiness of the script at every turn. Despite the seriousness of the murder narrative, Durbin has the joyless task of attempting to thwart the bad guys as if everything was one big joke. Watch this at your own peril!
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