The Northman (2022)
9/10
A Rom Com Fan Loved "The Northman."
15 May 2022
Romantic comedies are my favorite genre. I like woman-centered films focused on pretty clothes, witty dialogue, gorgeous sets, and the occasional kissing scene. I kept reading about director Robert Eggers. He sounded like an artist with a vision who devotes intense energy to crafting every frame of his films. For that reason, I really wanted to see "The Northman." I was not disappointed.

I loved this movie. It's violent and amoral, or at least it follows a Pagan morality that is heinous to me. I hated Amleth's, the main character's, quest which drives the film. Also, he is a slaver, and he - true to real life -- was a Viking who enslaved my people, the Slavs (from which we get the word slave.) He kills with abandon and bloodlust. At one point, a character walks into a hut and releases his intestines into an open fire. And that isn't even the most spectacular death scene in the movie.

"The Northman" is what you'd expect from a completely dedicated filmmaker who wanted to make the world's most authentic Viking film. There were, though, Tibetan musical instruments in the soundtrack. At least they sounded Tibetan. The movie begins with a central character's death, and Amleth's search for revenge. There really isn't much of a plot, but there is a plot twist, which completely took me by surprise, and which made the film much better, and darker.

There are throat slicings, beheadings, rapes, human sacrifice, and mistreatment of animals. There is a fight to the death, in the nude, near an active volcano. There are magical beings, including Bjork. There is one belch and one fart, and several howls. There's a game that makes football look like flower arranging.

I had to look away for many scenes, including one kissing scene, for reasons I can't tell you, but believe me, it is one grotesquely inappropriate kiss.

And there are moments that are so foreign to contemporary attitudes that they are unintentionally funny. I can imagine audiences laughing through this movie and yet still respecting its uncompromising grimness.

This movie took me out of surrounding reality for a couple of hours plus, and when it was over I had that great feeling you get when you've watched a good movie. I can't say I liked this movie, and I'm sure I'll never watch it again, but I'm really glad I saw it.
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