Goofy early-'90s horror The Boneyard is best remembered for the giant zombie poodle in the final act; in fact, I would hazard a guess that this is the ONLY thing that most people remember about the film, the rest being fairly mundane nonsense.
The first half of the movie is certainly forgettable: nothing of any interest happens. A pair of cops - experienced detective Jersey Callum (Ed Nelson) and rookie Gordon Mullin (James Eustermann - talk obese, sour-faced psychic Alley Oates (Deborah Rose) into helping them solve a case involving a Chinese man, three dead children and an ancient curse. The three arrive at the local police morgue to investigate, where they are met by grouchy Miss Poopinplatz (Phyllis Diller), owner of snappy poodle Floofsoms (a standout performance by Binny). All of this is so badly written and confusingly directed that trying to follow the story is wasted effort.
The second half wisely dispenses with any further attempts at plot development, the three dead kids coming to life to cause havoc for the remainder of the film (what causes them to rise from the dead isn't clear - I'm guessing it's curse related). This trio of admittedly creepy looking kiddie corpses kill off some secondary characters, and then set their sights on the cops, the psychic, a mortician, and young suicide victim Dana (Denise Young ) who mysteriously comes to life as she is about to be sliced up on the slab (not curse related - she just wakes up. Do I hear 'lawsuit'?). Luckily for the protagonists, an evidence store-room provides them with a machine-gun and pipe-bombs for fighting back against the undead.
Director James Cummins began his movie career in special effects, which is why he seems more interested in his monsters than in a coherent narrative, atmosphere or tension. In addition to the unsettling zombie children (who are worthy of a far better film), his creations include a monstrous killer Phyllis Diller (after her character is force-fed zombie skin) and the film's demented dog (after Floofsums slurps up some slime). If stupid looking animatronics and a hand-puppet poodle monster are what you're after, The Boneyard certainly delivers, but I can't say I was very impressed enough by either to forgive the lifeless direction, weak script and terrible pacing.
3/10.
The first half of the movie is certainly forgettable: nothing of any interest happens. A pair of cops - experienced detective Jersey Callum (Ed Nelson) and rookie Gordon Mullin (James Eustermann - talk obese, sour-faced psychic Alley Oates (Deborah Rose) into helping them solve a case involving a Chinese man, three dead children and an ancient curse. The three arrive at the local police morgue to investigate, where they are met by grouchy Miss Poopinplatz (Phyllis Diller), owner of snappy poodle Floofsoms (a standout performance by Binny). All of this is so badly written and confusingly directed that trying to follow the story is wasted effort.
The second half wisely dispenses with any further attempts at plot development, the three dead kids coming to life to cause havoc for the remainder of the film (what causes them to rise from the dead isn't clear - I'm guessing it's curse related). This trio of admittedly creepy looking kiddie corpses kill off some secondary characters, and then set their sights on the cops, the psychic, a mortician, and young suicide victim Dana (Denise Young ) who mysteriously comes to life as she is about to be sliced up on the slab (not curse related - she just wakes up. Do I hear 'lawsuit'?). Luckily for the protagonists, an evidence store-room provides them with a machine-gun and pipe-bombs for fighting back against the undead.
Director James Cummins began his movie career in special effects, which is why he seems more interested in his monsters than in a coherent narrative, atmosphere or tension. In addition to the unsettling zombie children (who are worthy of a far better film), his creations include a monstrous killer Phyllis Diller (after her character is force-fed zombie skin) and the film's demented dog (after Floofsums slurps up some slime). If stupid looking animatronics and a hand-puppet poodle monster are what you're after, The Boneyard certainly delivers, but I can't say I was very impressed enough by either to forgive the lifeless direction, weak script and terrible pacing.
3/10.