To complete miss the point of Jurassic Park.
There's no denying that this outing is not good. It's okay... for all of ten seconds as the opening credits roll, then comes the big fail.
See, at the end of the preceding movie (also terri-bad) was the release of a number of dinosaurs from a private zoo of sorts into the American wilderness. I don't know how many were released, but lets be generous and say a hundred. No, be real generous...two hundred.
Yet at the start of this movie we are expected to believe that dinosaurs have spread all over the globe and are everywhere. In a couple of years. Two hundred have become thousands and are all over the place. In a couple of years. What's wrong with this picture?
Leaving aside the breeding numbers and number of species, I'd like Colin Trevorrow to explain just how a T-Rex can get from America to, say, Australia? Go on Colin, I'll wait. What's that? It stowed away on a ship? Well, that's okay then! Again with the "What's up with this picture".
Snarkiness aside, this was your opening gambit Colin? A premise so ridiculously improbable that it invites scorn. Not only that, but then there is the follow-up conceit... that even if the dino's were some how able to migrate and multiply so improbably, they'd be allowed to by, you know... us humans.
Yes...allowed. At no point in the opening nonsense, nor throughout the rest of the film, are we told that people even tried to stop this "take over". Instead we are treated to a terrible "we must learn to live with them" schtick that is repeated a number of times and flies in the face of everything I've ever learned about humanity.
People would not just let this happen. Governments would not let this happen. Everyone and their dog would be hunting these things. The military would be involved. Plus, it's not like a T-Rex is going to hide. The smaller dino's, maybe, but anything larger than a dog is going to be rounded up, or killed, in very short order.
But of course, a dumb premise is easier to write than a carefully thought out one. Well done Colin. Well done!
The laser pointers of doom(tm) make a return, sending dinos chasing after whomever gets painted by them, even if the dino didn't actually see the person get spotlighted, they somehow magically know... Oh, and the laser pointers buzz when activated now because... reasons.
So is the story at least any good, or even fun?
Well, it has a few nice moments, mostly involving the original cast memebrs, but essentially it's just a retread of Jurassic Park. Remote dino park goes wrong and our gang of heroes has to escape and... you know what? Just watch JP1 again. It's more enjoyable, even if you've seen it countless times and know every line of dialogue. Because watching this movie you will also know everything that is going to happen because originality isn't something Trevorrow is big on. At least watching the original you'll know it was made with care and love and not a desire to cash in, as Dr Malcolm might say "By standing on the shoulders of giants".
Seriously, someone stop Trevorrow from writing anything that requires thoughtful plotting and internal consistency, because he just isn't up to it.
SUMMARY: Tired retread of Jurassic Park. Same scenes, same faces, same old same old. Be very drunk and it might be somewhat entertaining. Otherwise avoid.
There's no denying that this outing is not good. It's okay... for all of ten seconds as the opening credits roll, then comes the big fail.
See, at the end of the preceding movie (also terri-bad) was the release of a number of dinosaurs from a private zoo of sorts into the American wilderness. I don't know how many were released, but lets be generous and say a hundred. No, be real generous...two hundred.
Yet at the start of this movie we are expected to believe that dinosaurs have spread all over the globe and are everywhere. In a couple of years. Two hundred have become thousands and are all over the place. In a couple of years. What's wrong with this picture?
Leaving aside the breeding numbers and number of species, I'd like Colin Trevorrow to explain just how a T-Rex can get from America to, say, Australia? Go on Colin, I'll wait. What's that? It stowed away on a ship? Well, that's okay then! Again with the "What's up with this picture".
Snarkiness aside, this was your opening gambit Colin? A premise so ridiculously improbable that it invites scorn. Not only that, but then there is the follow-up conceit... that even if the dino's were some how able to migrate and multiply so improbably, they'd be allowed to by, you know... us humans.
Yes...allowed. At no point in the opening nonsense, nor throughout the rest of the film, are we told that people even tried to stop this "take over". Instead we are treated to a terrible "we must learn to live with them" schtick that is repeated a number of times and flies in the face of everything I've ever learned about humanity.
People would not just let this happen. Governments would not let this happen. Everyone and their dog would be hunting these things. The military would be involved. Plus, it's not like a T-Rex is going to hide. The smaller dino's, maybe, but anything larger than a dog is going to be rounded up, or killed, in very short order.
But of course, a dumb premise is easier to write than a carefully thought out one. Well done Colin. Well done!
The laser pointers of doom(tm) make a return, sending dinos chasing after whomever gets painted by them, even if the dino didn't actually see the person get spotlighted, they somehow magically know... Oh, and the laser pointers buzz when activated now because... reasons.
So is the story at least any good, or even fun?
Well, it has a few nice moments, mostly involving the original cast memebrs, but essentially it's just a retread of Jurassic Park. Remote dino park goes wrong and our gang of heroes has to escape and... you know what? Just watch JP1 again. It's more enjoyable, even if you've seen it countless times and know every line of dialogue. Because watching this movie you will also know everything that is going to happen because originality isn't something Trevorrow is big on. At least watching the original you'll know it was made with care and love and not a desire to cash in, as Dr Malcolm might say "By standing on the shoulders of giants".
Seriously, someone stop Trevorrow from writing anything that requires thoughtful plotting and internal consistency, because he just isn't up to it.
SUMMARY: Tired retread of Jurassic Park. Same scenes, same faces, same old same old. Be very drunk and it might be somewhat entertaining. Otherwise avoid.