With Mamie Van Doren getting top billing (no pun intended) and also starring Mel Tormé as a crumb, Paul Anka as a singer, Maggie Hayes as a nun, and child stars (now grown up) Gigi Perreau and Elinor Donohue, it appears that producer Albert Zugsmith just snagged people at random on the MGM lot and threw them into this monstrosity.
The film opens with Tormé making out with some chick. Meanwhile, another guy (Harold Lloyd, Jr. In a brief bit) is chasing after another chick, but he goes tumbling off a cliff. Tormé immediately suspects Mamie was responsible, and confronts her at a weenie roast. But Mamie claims she gave Lloyd the brush-off: "I got tired of you cats with the fast cars and slow heads. You give me a pain in the ear." Nevertheless, Mamie is railroaded and sent to Girls Town, which is run by Mother Veronica (Maggie Hays). Mamie is assigned to a room with Gigi Perreau, but immediately runs afoul of Gloria Talbott, who apparently likes to kick butts for the hell of it. In a confusing subplot, Perreau has an imaginary thing for a singer named Jimmy Parlow, played by Paul Anka. We get to hear Anka sing "Lonely Boy," but it gets even worse, trust me.
Every ten minutes it seems there is a rumble at Girls Town. In one scene, a fight breaks out at a dance when Perreau sees Anka dancing with another chick. In another sequence, it appears the girls are playing dodge ball, with Mamie as the ball.
But back to the plot. Tormé starts hanging around with Mamie's sister (Elinor Donohue, as a blonde). They have a drag race with Dick Contino, who apparently was famous at one time for playing the accordion. He certainly was not famous for acting. Contino goes belly up when his car crashes. Tormé and Donohue flee the scene, then Mel realizes that Donohue is the one who was on the cliff with Lloyd, so he decides to send her to Tijuana to shut her up. If you are getting confused, join the club.
In the exciting finale, Mamie busts out of Girls Town to rescue her sister. She is joined by Talbott, who is converted to Mamie's side. That's because Talbott sees Mamie praying to a statue of St. Jude, the patron saint of lost causes. The director should have tried that. Mamie and Talbott accost Tormé and some musclehead in a hilarious brawl. Talbott uses karate moves on the big goon, while Mamie loads her stocking with a rock and proceeds to knock the crap out of Tormé. (There just happens to be a rock on the table in the cabin where Tormé is holed up.) Tormé attempts to fight back with a baseball bat, but Anka and Hayes arrive in the nick of time. Anka slugs Tormé and forces him to retract the lyrics to "The Christmas Song." Mamie leaves Girls Town reformed, and starts her own convent. Just kidding.
This film is really a mess. The Platters sing a tune, columnist Sheilah Graham plays a nun (Army Archerd failed his screen test), and bandleader Ray Anthony (Mamie's real-life hubby) appears as a private eye pretending to be a delivery man pretending to be an actor. Anka looks like Danny Thomas' and Dustin Hoffman's love child. The lowlight (and it was tough just finding one) is when Anka sings "Ave Maria" to Mamie in church, and she cries. I did too, but for different reasons. On the plus side, there are plenty of scenes where the cameraman manages to linger on Mamie just enough to make this somewhat watchable.
The dumbest line in the movie goes to the actor playing Lloyd's father, who glares at Mamie and says "I'll never understand what my son saw in you." Pops, get yourself a medical checkup.
The film opens with Tormé making out with some chick. Meanwhile, another guy (Harold Lloyd, Jr. In a brief bit) is chasing after another chick, but he goes tumbling off a cliff. Tormé immediately suspects Mamie was responsible, and confronts her at a weenie roast. But Mamie claims she gave Lloyd the brush-off: "I got tired of you cats with the fast cars and slow heads. You give me a pain in the ear." Nevertheless, Mamie is railroaded and sent to Girls Town, which is run by Mother Veronica (Maggie Hays). Mamie is assigned to a room with Gigi Perreau, but immediately runs afoul of Gloria Talbott, who apparently likes to kick butts for the hell of it. In a confusing subplot, Perreau has an imaginary thing for a singer named Jimmy Parlow, played by Paul Anka. We get to hear Anka sing "Lonely Boy," but it gets even worse, trust me.
Every ten minutes it seems there is a rumble at Girls Town. In one scene, a fight breaks out at a dance when Perreau sees Anka dancing with another chick. In another sequence, it appears the girls are playing dodge ball, with Mamie as the ball.
But back to the plot. Tormé starts hanging around with Mamie's sister (Elinor Donohue, as a blonde). They have a drag race with Dick Contino, who apparently was famous at one time for playing the accordion. He certainly was not famous for acting. Contino goes belly up when his car crashes. Tormé and Donohue flee the scene, then Mel realizes that Donohue is the one who was on the cliff with Lloyd, so he decides to send her to Tijuana to shut her up. If you are getting confused, join the club.
In the exciting finale, Mamie busts out of Girls Town to rescue her sister. She is joined by Talbott, who is converted to Mamie's side. That's because Talbott sees Mamie praying to a statue of St. Jude, the patron saint of lost causes. The director should have tried that. Mamie and Talbott accost Tormé and some musclehead in a hilarious brawl. Talbott uses karate moves on the big goon, while Mamie loads her stocking with a rock and proceeds to knock the crap out of Tormé. (There just happens to be a rock on the table in the cabin where Tormé is holed up.) Tormé attempts to fight back with a baseball bat, but Anka and Hayes arrive in the nick of time. Anka slugs Tormé and forces him to retract the lyrics to "The Christmas Song." Mamie leaves Girls Town reformed, and starts her own convent. Just kidding.
This film is really a mess. The Platters sing a tune, columnist Sheilah Graham plays a nun (Army Archerd failed his screen test), and bandleader Ray Anthony (Mamie's real-life hubby) appears as a private eye pretending to be a delivery man pretending to be an actor. Anka looks like Danny Thomas' and Dustin Hoffman's love child. The lowlight (and it was tough just finding one) is when Anka sings "Ave Maria" to Mamie in church, and she cries. I did too, but for different reasons. On the plus side, there are plenty of scenes where the cameraman manages to linger on Mamie just enough to make this somewhat watchable.
The dumbest line in the movie goes to the actor playing Lloyd's father, who glares at Mamie and says "I'll never understand what my son saw in you." Pops, get yourself a medical checkup.