1/10
I swear I just saw Jurassic Park:Corn
11 June 2023
Warning: Spoilers
I swear I have seen adult films that have more exposition and story Development than this. The opening events just "happen" and there's zero explanation behind them.. That's a theme that pretty much continues. The next 25 or so minutes are pretty much splice a random "adults are bad" scene in with a "lord of the flies kids in training" scene... Theres so little character development with the adults that you honestly don't care when they're killed bc you don't even really know who they are. The "adults are bad" theme is so obviously in your face bc they seem to be paying for the film by the minute so they can't dally with being subtle... There's a whole odd "mom's a prostitute? (they provide zero actual definition for the random scenes) subplot.. And apparently she's so tired from those labors that she can't seem to wake up or show her face until 10 seconds before they kill her off. This makes the "emotional" her daughter mourning her scene shortly thereafter useless bc we barely know who she is.

The two lead females are ok, though they aren't given much to do.. The little girl Eden pretty much just stands there with an evil smirk on her face and the older Bo just has to look horrified most of the time. The plot is so random you really start to question why Eden and the other kids keep letting Bo live other than the fact that she has to to bring the movie to a close.. In most of the later scenes the character feels like a human hangnail.

The CGI "character" (can't even remember what it's called bc they barely tell you) makes you feel like you're watching Jurassic Park:Corn and they just genetically engineered a corn dinosaur or something. It's SERIOUSLY cheesy.

It's so cheesy in fact that you really don't get why the kids are so devoted to it... despite the two of three random cult like worship scenes that get randomly thrown into the mix as "explanation" You see the denouement coming from a mile away.. You honestly kind of want to shake the little Evilkind Eden for being dumb enough not to see it coming... And then there's the "twist", which is pretty much straight out of John Cusack "Identity" territory... I think I've decided to start writing screenplays... bc honestly if this drivel can make it to the screen, I feel like I stand a good chance with just about any story.
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