Project Eerie (2023)
2/10
I just...what?
13 November 2023
I gave them an extra star for having the balls to see the final version and decide to release it anyway.

In the realm of cinema, there exists a category of films so extraordinarily terrible that they transcend the boundaries of mere bad taste, venturing into a realm of unparalleled awfulness that leaves one questioning the very existence of art itself. Project Eerie, a cinematic monstrosity masquerading as a horror film, proudly stands as a beacon of this cinematic abyss.

From the moment it began, Project Eerie assaults the viewer with a barrage of incoherent plotlines, laughable dialogue, and characters so devoid of personality that they make cardboard cutouts seem like Shakespearean actors. The film's narrative, if one can even call it that, meanders aimlessly through a maze of clichés and contrivances, leaving the audience utterly bewildered and hopelessly lost.

The acting in Project Eerie is a masterclass in amateurish theatrics, with each performance more cringe-worthy than the last. The characters deliver their lines with the enthusiasm of a sleepwalker reciting a grocery list, their facial expressions as varied as a blank sheet of paper. One can only imagine the director's instructions to the cast: "Just stand there and try to look vaguely concerned."

The special effects in Project Eerie are a visual assault of the worst kind. The CGI (or makeup?), if one can even call it that, looks like it was created using leftover spaghetti and a green-screen backdrop from a 1980s sitcom. The ghosts (or whatever they are supposed to be), when they finally deign to appear, look like rejected costumes from a high school Halloween party.

The characters are caricatures of the worst kind. A quick Google search, or even Bing for god sakes, would have prevented several problems with the dialogue.

Project Eerie is a cinematic disaster of epic proportions, a film so bad that it makes Uwe Boll look like Martin Scorsese. It is a waste of time, a blight upon the cinematic landscape, and a testament to the depths of human folly. If you value your sanity and your sense of taste, I implore you to steer clear of this cinematic abomination.
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