Mr. Deeds Goes to Town (1936)

Gary Cooper: Longfellow Deeds Semple

Photos 

Quotes 

• Longfellow Deeds : People here are funny. They work so hard at living they forget how to live.

• Longfellow Deeds : [to the Court]  It's like I'm out in a big boat, and I see one fellow in a rowboat who's tired of rowing and wants a free ride, and another fellow who's drowning. Who would you expect me to rescue? Mr. Cedar - who's just tired of rowing and wants a free ride? Or those men out there who are drowning? Any ten year old child will give you the answer to that.

• Longfellow Deeds : About my playing the tuba. Seems like a lot of fuss has been made about that. If, if a man's crazy just because he plays the tuba, then somebody'd better look into it, because there are a lot of tuba players running around loose. 'Course, I don't see any harm in it. I play mine whenever I want to concentrate. That may sound funny to some people, but everybody does something silly when they're thinking. For instance, the judge here is, is an O-filler.

  Judge May : A what?

  Longfellow Deeds : An O-filler. You fill in all the spaces in the O's with your pencil. I was watching him.

  [general laughter] 

  Longfellow Deeds : That may make you look a little crazy, Your Honor, just, just sitting around filling in O's, but I don't see anything wrong, 'cause that helps you think. Other people are doodlers.

  Judge May : "Doodlers"?

  Longfellow Deeds : Uh, that's a word we made up back home for people who make foolish designs on paper when they're thinking: it's called doodling. Almost everybody's a doodler; did you ever see a scratchpad in a telephone booth? People draw the most idiotic pictures when they're thinking. Uh, Dr. von Hallor here could probably think up a long name for it, because he doodles all the time.

  [general laughter; he takes a sheet off the doctor's notepad] 

  Longfellow Deeds : Thank you. This is a piece of paper he was scribbling on. I can't figure it out - one minute it looks like a chimpanzee, and the next minute it looks like a picture of Mr. Cedar. You look at it, Judge. Exhibit A for the defense. Looks kind of stupid, doesn't it, Your Honor? But I guess that's all right; if Dr. von Hallor has to, uh, doodle to help him think, that's his business. Everybody does something different: some people are, are ear-pullers; some are nail-biters; that, uh, Mr. Semple over there is a nose-twitcher.

  [general laughter] 

  Longfellow Deeds : And the lady next to him is a knuckle-cracker.

  [general laughter] 

  Longfellow Deeds : So you see, everybody does silly things to help them think. Well, I play the tuba.

• Longfellow Deeds : Now, um, heh, now about the Faulkner sisters. That's kind of funny. I mean, about Mr. Cedar going all the way to Mandrake Falls to bring them here. Do you mind if I talk to them?

  Judge May : Not at all.

  Longfellow Deeds : Jane, who owns the house you live in?

  [pause; then Jane whispers to Amy; Amy whispers back] 

  Jane Faulkner : Why, you own it, Longfellow.

  Amy Faulkner : Yes, you own it.

  Longfellow Deeds : Do you pay any rent?

  Jane Faulkner : No, we don't pay any rent.

  Amy Faulkner : Good heavens, no, we never pay rent.

  Longfellow Deeds : Are you happy there?

  Jane Faulkner : Oh, yes.

  Amy Faulkner : Yes indeed.

  Longfellow Deeds : Now, uh, Jane, a little while ago you said I was pixilated. Do you still think so?

  [Jane whispers to Amy; Amy whispers back] 

  Jane Faulkner : Why, you've always been pixilated, Longfellow.

  Amy Faulkner : Always.

  Longfellow Deeds : That's fine, hm, I guess maybe I am. And now tell me something, Jane: who else in Mandrake Falls is pixilated?

  Jane Faulkner : Why, everybody in Mandrake Falls is pixilated - except us.

  Amy Faulkner : Mm-hmm.

• [Deeds and attorney Cedar shake hands in parting] 

  Longfellow Deeds : Even his hands are oily.

• Longfellow Deeds : What puzzles me is why people seem to get so much pleasure out of hurting each other. Why don't they try liking each other once in a while?

• Longfellow Deeds : When the servant comes in, Mr. Hallor, I'm going to ask him to show you to the door. Many people don't know where it is.

• John Cedar : [giving his name card to Deeds]  I'm John Cedar, of the New York firm of Cedar, Cedar, Cedar and Budington.

  Longfellow Deeds : [chuckling]  Cedar, Cedar, Cedar, Budington. Budington must feel like an awful stranger.

• Morrow : You hop aboard my magic carpet and I'll show you sights that you've never seen before.

  Longfellow Deeds : Well, I'd kinda like to see Grant's tomb and the Statue of Liberty.

  Morrow : Well, you'll not only see those, but before the evening's half through, you'll be leaning against the Leaning Tower of Pisa, you'll mount Mount Everest, I'll show you the Pyramids and all the little pyramidees, leaping from sphinx to sphinx!

• Morrow : Pal, look, how would you like to go on a real old-fashioned binge?

  Longfellow Deeds : Binge?

  Morrow : Yeah, I mean the real McCoy. Listen, you play saloon with me and I'll introduce you to every wit, nitwit, and half-wit in New York. We'll go on a twister that'll make Omar the soused philosopher of Persia look like an anemic on a goat's milk diet!

  Longfellow Deeds : Well, I guess that oughtta be fun.

  Morrow : Fun? Listen, I'll take you on a bender that will live in your memory as a thing of beauty and a joy forever!

• Longfellow Deeds : You know the poem I told you about? It's finished. Would you like to read it? It's to you.

  Babe Bennett : Yes. Of course.

  Longfellow Deeds : You don't have to say anything, Mary. You can tell me tomorrow what you think.

  Babe Bennett : I tramped the Earth with hopeless feet / searching in vain for a glimpse of you / Then heaven thrust you at my very feet / a lovely angel, too lovely to woo / My dream has been answered, but my life's just as bleak / I'm handcuffed and speechless in your presence divine / For my heart longs to cry out. If it only could speak / I love you, my angel. Be mine. Be mine.

• Longfellow Deeds : [to the Court]  From what I can see, no matter what system of government we have, there will always be leaders and always be followers. It's like the road out in front of my house. It's on a steep hill. Every day I watch the cars climbing up. Some go lickety-split up that hill on high, some have to shift into second, and some sputter and shake and slip back to the bottom again. Same cars, same gasoline, yet some make it and some don't. And I say the fellas who can make the hill on high should stop once in a while and help those who can't. That's all I'm trying to do with this money. Help the fellas who can't make the hill on high.

• Longfellow Deeds : [to Cobb]  There once was a man named Cobb / Kept Semple away from the mob / Came the turn of the tide / And Semple he died / And now poor Cobb is out of a job.

• Longfellow Deeds : Hand me my pants. I wrote her phone number on a piece of paper.

  Walter : You have no pants, sir. You came home last night without them.

  Longfellow Deeds : I did what?

  Walter : As a matter of fact, you came home without any clothes at all. You were in your shorts. Yes, sir.

  Longfellow Deeds : Don't be silly, Walter. I couldn't walk around on the streets without any clothes. I'd be arrested.

  Walter : That's what the two policemen said, sir.

  Longfellow Deeds : What two policemen?

  Walter : The ones who brought you home, sir. They said you and another gentleman kept walking up and down the street shouting "back to nature! Clothes are a blight on civilization! Back to nature!"

• Butler : The gentlemen from the opera are still waiting in the boardroom, sir. They're getting a trifle impatient, sir.

  Longfellow Deeds : They are? I forgot all about them. What do you think they want?

  John Cedar : Well, your uncle was chairman of the Board of Directors. They probably expect you to carry on.

  Cornelius Cobb : I'll tell those mugs to keep their shirts on.

• Longfellow Deeds : Gee, I'm busy. Do the opera people always come here for their meetings?

  Cornelius Cobb : Uu-hum.

  Longfellow Deeds : That's funny. Why is that?

  Cornelius Cobb : Why do mice go where there's cheese?

• Longfellow Deeds : We must give the wrong kind of shows.

  Italian Opera Board Member : The wrong kind? Why, there isn't any wrong kind or right kind. Opera is opera.

  Longfellow Deeds : I guess it is. I personally wouldn't care to be the head of a business that kept losing money! That wouldn't be common sense. Incidentally, where is the $180,000 coming from?

  Italian Opera Board Member : Well, we were rather expecting it to come from you.

  Longfellow Deeds : Me?

  Italian Opera Board Member : Naturally.

  Longfellow Deeds : Excuse me, gentlemen, there's nothing natural about that.

• Longfellow Deeds : Now, my plan was very simple. I was going to give each family 10 acres, a horse, a cow and some seed. And if they worked the farm for three years, it's theirs. Now, if that's crazy, maybe I ought to be sent to an institution; but, I don't think it is.

• Longfellow Deeds : He talks about women as if they were cattle.

  Walter : Every man to his taste, sir.

  Longfellow Deeds : Tell me, Walter, are all these stories I hear about my uncle true?

  Walter : Well, sir, he sometimes had as many as twenty in the house at the same time.

  Longfellow Deeds : Twenty! What did he do with them?

  Walter : That is something I was never able to find out, sir.

• Louise "Babe" Bennett : [Taking Mr. Deeds to see Grant's Tomb]  To most people, it's an awful let-down... To most people, it's a washout.

  Longfellow Deeds : Well, that depends on what they see.

  Louise "Babe" Bennett : Now what do you see?

  Longfellow Deeds : Me? Oh I see a small Ohio farm boy becoming a great soldier. I see thousands of marching men. I see General Lee with a broken heart surrendering. And I can see the beginning of a new nation, like Abraham Lincoln said. And I can see that Ohio boy being inaugurated as President. Things like that can only happen in a country like America.

• Longfellow Deeds : Last night, after I left you, I was walking along and looking at the tall buildings. And I got to thinkin' about what Thoreau said: "They created a lot of grand palaces here, but they forgot to create the noblemen to put in them."

• Longfellow Deeds : Just because I want to give this money to people who need it, they think I'm crazy.

• Longfellow Deeds : Cedar, Cedar, Cedar and Budington. Funny, I can't think of a rhyme for "Budington".

  Cornelius Cobb : Why should you?

  Longfellow Deeds : Well, whenever I run across the funny name, I like to poke around for a rhyme.

• [to Walter, as he interrupts Mr. Deeds' tuba playing] 

  Longfellow Deeds : The evil finger's on you!

• John Cedar : I have good news for you, sir. Mr. Semple left a large fortune when he died. He left it all to you, Mr. Deeds. Deducting the taxes, it amounts to something in the neighborhood of $20,000,000.

  Mrs. Meredith - Housekeeper : How about lunch? Are the gentlemen going to stay or not?

  Longfellow Deeds : Of course they're going to stay. She's got some fresh orange layered cake, you know, with the thick stuff on the top. Sure, they don't want to go to the hotel.

  [starts playing the tuba] 

  John Cedar : Perhaps you didn't hear what I said, Mr. Deeds. The whole Semple fortune goes to you: $20,000,000.

  Longfellow Deeds : Oh, yes, I heard you, all right. $20,000,000. That's quite a lot, isn't it.

  Cornelius Cobb : It'll do in a pinch.

  Longfellow Deeds : Yes, in deed. I wonder why he left me all that money. I don't need it.

  [returns to playing the tuba] 

• John Cedar : I wouldn't worry if I were you. Of course, a large portion like this entails a great responsibility. But, you'll have a good deal of help. So, don't worry. Leave everything to me.

  Longfellow Deeds : Oh, I wasn't worried about that.

  John Cedar : No?

  Longfellow Deeds : I was wondering where they're gonna get another tuba player for the band.

• Cornelius Cobb : Well, how 'bout tonight? What would you like in the way of entertainment?

  Longfellow Deeds : Entertainment?

  Cornelius Cobb : Your uncle had a weakness for dark ones, tall and stately. How would you like yours? Dark or fair? Tall or short? Fat or thin? Tough or tender?

  Longfellow Deeds : What are you talking about?

  Cornelius Cobb : Women! Ever heard of 'em?

  Longfellow Deeds : Oh!

  Cornelius Cobb : Name your poison and I'll supply it.

  Longfellow Deeds : Some other time, Cobb. Some other time.

  Cornelius Cobb : Okay, you're the boss. When your blood begins to boil, yell out.

• Longfellow Deeds : I guess I found out that all famous people aren't big people.

• Walter : If you permit me to say so, sir, you were out on quite a bender last night, sir.

  Longfellow Deeds : Bender? You're wrong, Walter. We were out to a binge but we never got to it.

• Cornelius Cobb : They got you down as a sap!

  Longfellow Deeds : I think I'll go down and punch this editor in the nose.

  Cornelius Cobb : No you don't! Get this clear: socking people in the nose is no solution - for anything.

  Longfellow Deeds : Sometimes it's the only solution.

  Cornelius Cobb : Not editors! Take my word for it. Not editors!

• Babe Bennett : Got any news? I mean, eh, has anything exciting been happening lately?

  Longfellow Deeds : Sure. I met you.

• Longfellow Deeds : Did you get that stuff I was telling you about?

  Butler : Stuff, sir?

  Longfellow Deeds : Yeah, that goo - that stuff that taste like soap?

  Butler : Oh, yes, sir. Here it is the: pâté de foie gras, sir.

  Longfellow Deeds : That's fine. Have a lot of it; because, she likes it.

• Judge May : Mr. Deeds, you haven't yet touched upon the most important point: this rather fantastic idea of yours to want to give away your entire fortune. It is, to say the least, most uncommon.

  Longfellow Deeds : Oh, yes, yes, I was getting to that, your honor. Suppose you were living in a small town and getting along fine and suddenly somebody dropped $20,000,000 in your lap. Supposing you discovered that all that money was messing up your life, was bringing a lot of vultures around your neck, and making you lose faith in everybody. Now, you'd be a little worried, wouldn't you? You'd feel that you had a - a hot potato in your hand and you'd want to drop it.

• [after being made fun of by members of high society] 

  Longfellow Deeds : It's easy to make fun of somebody if you don't care how much you hurt 'em. I think your poems are swell, Mr. Brookfield, but I'm disappointed in you. I know I must look funny to you, but maybe if you went to Mandrake Falls you'd look just as funny to us. Only nobody would laugh at you and make you feel ridiculous, 'cause that wouldn't be good manners. I guess maybe it is comical to write poems for postcards, but a lot of people think they're good. Anyway, it's the best I can do. So if you'll excuse me, we'll be leaving. I guess I found out that all famous people - aren't big people.

  [the high society members fall silent, then break into raucous laughter] 

  Longfellow Deeds : [turning back to them]  There's just one thing more. If it weren't for Miss Dawson being here with me, I'd probably bump your heads together.

  Babe Bennett : [brightly]  Oh, I don't mind!

  Longfellow Deeds : [beat]  Then I guess maybe I will.