Addams Family Values (1993)

Peter MacNicol: Gary Granger

Photos 

Quotes 

• Wednesday : I don't want to be in the pageant.

  Gary : Don't you want to help me realize my vision?

  Wednesday : Your work is puerile and under-dramatized. You lack any sense of structure, character, and the Aristotelian unities.

  Gary : Young lady, I am getting just a tad tired of your attitude problem.

• [Pugsley hits a bird during archery practice] 

  Becky : It's an American Bald Eagle!

  Gary : But aren't they extinct?

  Wednesday : They are now.

• Gary : [to the Campers]  Lifesaving! Now I know we're all top-notch little swimmers, but now we get to show our stuff and earn those certificates! Hey, how about our first little pair of lifesaving buddies? Amanda, Wednesday?

  Amanda : Is that your bathing suit?

  Wednesday : Is that your overbite?

  Gary : Now, one of you will be the drowning victim and the other one gets to be our lifesaver.

  Amanda : I'll be the victim!

  Wednesday : All your life.

• Gary : [blows whistle]  Attention! Hey! Listen up, everybody! I'm Gary Granger!

  Becky : And I'm Becky Martin-Granger!

  Gary : We're the owners and directors here at Camp Chippewa. America's foremost facility for privileged young adults.

  Becky : And we're all here to learn, to grow, and to just plain have fun!

  Gary : 'Cause that's what being privileged is all about!

• Gary : Yes, indeedy, just the ticket: "Bambi."

  Becky : "Lassie Come Home."

  Gary : "The Little Mermaid."

  Wednesday : Stop it!

  Joel : [motioning to Pugsley]  He's only a child.

• Gary : [opens cabin door]  Mail call.

  [handing out mail] 

  Gary : Addams!

  Becky : [handing out mail]  Barclay, Cesselman, Calloway, Dexter, Donman, Edwards, Evans, Barclay, Finley, Fisher, Gingham, Ginley, Harper.

  Wednesday : Oh, no.

  Pugsley : What is it?

  Wednesday : This is unspeakable.

  Becky : Is something wrong, Wednesday? Bad news?

  Wednesday : This is the worst thing that has ever happened in the history of human events. Uncle Fester's getting married.

  Gary : A wedding? But that's great news!

  Amanda : To whom?

  Wednesday : The nanny.

  Amanda : Get out of the cabin. I mean, I'd kill myself. The help?

  Becky : I'm sure she's a very nice lady.

  Amanda : I think that's disgusting. I think their whole family's like some weird medical experiment. I think they're like, circus people.

  Pugsley : [menacingly]  What did you say?

  Becky : Campers! Group hug!

  Gary : Wednesday... Pugsley. Will a hug hurt us?

  Wednesday : We don't hug.

  Becky : Oh, they're just shy.

  Pugsley : We're not shy.

  Wednesday : We're contagious.

  Gary : I'm sensing some friction here. Somethin' not quite Chippewa.

  Camp Children : Mm-hmm.

  Gary : But, hey, no problemo. All they need are good friends, good fun, and a little time in the Harmony Hut.

• Wednesday : Hurry up!

  Pugsley : I'm coming.

  Joel : Wait!

  Wednesday : Who's there?

  Joel : Be careful. Tetanus.

  [siren sounds] 

  Amanda : [walking toward Wednesday, Pugsley and Joel with Gary, Becky and Camp Children]  There they are! I saw them sneak out.

  Gary : Children, what do you think you're doing?

  Wednesday : We have to see our family. It's very important.

  Becky : More important than a summer of fun? More important than making new friends? More important than sharing?

  Gary : And Joel Glicker. I'm surprised at you.

  Joel : I-I have to get out of here. I have allergies.

  Becky : [mockingly]  Oh, you're allergic? To sunshine and archery and crafts?

  Joel : Yes.

  Amanda : I think they should be punished.

  [starts chanting] 

  Amanda : Punish!

  Camp Children : [chanting along with Amanda]  Punish! Punish! Punish! Punish! Punish! Punish!

  Becky : No! No! We are *not* here to punish. We are here to inspire.

  Gary : Campers? Do you know what I think our little ninja friends here need? Do you know what just might turn their sad and potentially wasted little lives right all around?

  Joel : What?

  Camp Children : [singing in unison with Gary, Becky, and Amanda]  Kumbaya, my Lord, kumbaya. Kumbaya, my Lord, kumbaya. Kumbaya, my Lord, kumbaya. Oh Lord, kumbaya.

• [Wednesday reads the letter in her hand] 

  Wednesday : "Dear Wednesday and Pugsley. I love you dearly, but I can never see you again."

  Gary : [impatiently]  Glicker, go!

  [Joel gives up and flings the arrow at the ground] 

  Becky : Good try!

  [Joel goes to the end of the line, as Pugsley takes the bow, and Wednesday finishes reading] 

  Wednesday : "When you are grown up and very lonely, you will understand. Love, Uncle Fester." He's a dead man.

• Wednesday : What are you in for?

  Joel : I wouldn't go horseback riding.

  Wednesday : That's all?

  Joel : And I wouldn't make a bird house.

  Wednesday : Why not?

  Joel : I just wanted to read.

  Gary : [Pops in and takes Joel's book]  Not on my time, four-eyes. Ha ha ha ha ha!

• Gary : Children, stop it! You're destroying my text!