Addams Family Values (1993)

David Krumholtz: Joel Glicker

Photos 

Quotes 

• Joel : Wednesday, do you think that maybe someday you might want to get married and have kids?

  Wednesday : No.

  Joel : But what if you met the right man, who worshipped and adored you? Who'd do anything for you? Who'd be your devoted slave? Then what would you do?

  Wednesday : I'd pity him.

• Joel : I'll never forget you.

  Wednesday : You won't?

  Joel : You're too weird.

• Joel : Cara mia.

  Wednesday : Mon cher.

• Joel : [he is dressed like Gomez]  How do I look?

  Wednesday : Disturbing.

• Joel : [Wednesday catches Debbie's wedding bouquet]  Now you have to get married.

  Wednesday : It's not binding.

  Cousin Ophelia : Tramp.

• Joel : [to Wednesday and Pugsley]  Look at this. I got 'em. "Schizos and Serial Killers". I have almost the whole series. I'm only missing Jack the Ripper and that Zodiac Guy.

• Joel : Do you know what happens if my mother uses a fabric softener?

  Wednesday : What?

  Joel : I die.

• Gary : Yes, indeedy, just the ticket: "Bambi."

  Becky : "Lassie Come Home."

  Gary : "The Little Mermaid."

  Wednesday : Stop it!

  Joel : [motioning to Pugsley]  He's only a child.

• Wednesday : Hurry up!

  Pugsley : I'm coming.

  Joel : Wait!

  Wednesday : Who's there?

  Joel : Be careful. Tetanus.

  [siren sounds] 

  Amanda : [walking toward Wednesday, Pugsley and Joel with Gary, Becky and Camp Children]  There they are! I saw them sneak out.

  Gary : Children, what do you think you're doing?

  Wednesday : We have to see our family. It's very important.

  Becky : More important than a summer of fun? More important than making new friends? More important than sharing?

  Gary : And Joel Glicker. I'm surprised at you.

  Joel : I-I have to get out of here. I have allergies.

  Becky : [mockingly]  Oh, you're allergic? To sunshine and archery and crafts?

  Joel : Yes.

  Amanda : I think they should be punished.

  [starts chanting] 

  Amanda : Punish!

  Camp Children : [chanting along with Amanda]  Punish! Punish! Punish! Punish! Punish! Punish!

  Becky : No! No! We are *not* here to punish. We are here to inspire.

  Gary : Campers? Do you know what I think our little ninja friends here need? Do you know what just might turn their sad and potentially wasted little lives right all around?

  Joel : What?

  Camp Children : [singing in unison with Gary, Becky, and Amanda]  Kumbaya, my Lord, kumbaya. Kumbaya, my Lord, kumbaya. Kumbaya, my Lord, kumbaya. Oh Lord, kumbaya.

• Wednesday : Do you believe in the existence of evil?

  Joel : Well, did you met my mom?

  Wednesday : My uncle Fester's about to get married to this woman in a white uniform.

  Joel : A radiologist.

  Wednesday : A nanny

• [last lines] 

  Joel : Poor Debbie. She was sick.

  Wednesday : She wasn't sick. She was sloppy.

  Joel : What do you mean?

  Wednesday : If I wanted to kill my husband, I'd do it, and I wouldn't get caught.

  Joel : How?

  Wednesday : I'd scare him to death.

  Joel : No, you wouldn't.

  [kneels at Debbie's grave] 

  Joel : We're all very sorry, Debbie. We wish you only the best.

  [reaches out to put flowers on the grave; a hand reaches up and grabs him. He screams while Wednesday smiles] 

• Wednesday : What are you in for?

  Joel : I wouldn't go horseback riding.

  Wednesday : That's all?

  Joel : And I wouldn't make a bird house.

  Wednesday : Why not?

  Joel : I just wanted to read.

  Gary : [Pops in and takes Joel's book]  Not on my time, four-eyes. Ha ha ha ha ha!