My daughter and I found this movie in a clearance bin for only $3.00 and thought, "Why not?". Now I'm thinking of asking for a refund. The acting was very poor. Scripting was third grade level and that's being generous. I've read comic books with better lines. What little plot existed could have been improved by my six year old nephew. They re-used scenes multiple times and used some cheap stock footage to fill in some time. I guess this is what you get when people without skills or talent try to make a movie. The fight scenes reminded me of very low-brow slap-stick humor. This was supposed to be an action adventure and turned out to be a bad comedy. I feel sorry for the actors and actresses. If this didn't kill their careers then nothing will. If you are thinking of buying or renting this movie give your cash to the homeless guy in front of the liquor store instead. The money will be better spent and chances are it's one of the actors.
35 Reviews
very confusing
stobby1019 May 2003
I am a big fan of bad movies, and my friends and I often rent or buy bad movies and make fun of them together. I was at the mall a few days ago and saw this on DVD for 5 dollars. I laughed at the cover and bought it without thinking twice. It definitely gave us something to make fun of. The plot of the movies jumps around a lot, and it was really hard to tell what was happening. We almost fell on the ground when we first found out who the evil boss is. The movie is extremely random and the acting is hilariously bad. Also, the sound on the DVD is really really dim and hard to hear. It is a horrible movie, so if you are a fan of them, you might wanna check it out.
BTW: It said it was made in 1994 in the beginning, but I trust IMDB more than them. Either way, it seemed like it was made in the early 80s at best.
BTW: It said it was made in 1994 in the beginning, but I trust IMDB more than them. Either way, it seemed like it was made in the early 80s at best.
Worst Movie I've Ever Seen
armorsmith16 February 2005
That includes the worst movies ever made by a five year old kid with his parent's video camera. Trying to follow the plot was like looking at a Escher painting, but without anything interesting to see along the way. The acting was terrible, and the directing was worse. The best thing about the movie was making fun of it with my friends.
I highly suggest that you don't see this movie unless you are:
A) brain dead
B) deaf AND blind
C) punishing yourself
D) a cinematic masochist
E) all of the above
Preferable E.
I highly suggest that you don't see this movie unless you are:
A) brain dead
B) deaf AND blind
C) punishing yourself
D) a cinematic masochist
E) all of the above
Preferable E.
Fans of awful movies - this one's for you.
feelthempower1 February 2007
Pocket Ninjas is one of the few movies that is so bad it's good. Most of the movie is flashback, but poorly done and confusing. The plot has more holes than the finest swiss cheese, and it takes 9 minutes for the opening credits to end. I personally found the patty-cake "battle" between the White Dragon and one of Cobra Khan's cronies in the carnival absolutely hilarious. The location for this movie is perfect. The dojo is right next to a liquor store, but nobody seems to mind. The training sequences are long, obnoxious and downright painful. This is quite possibly the worst "professional" production I have ever seen. All in all, the perfect formula for the perfect awful movie.
...
giemer16 January 2007
A friend of mine purchased this movie in a bargain bin, with a few others. Now, I am generally a fan of bad movies, particularly bad horror movies... This film however, left me aghast.
I can summarize this simply, with the event that transpired after the film completed.
Me:"I will give you a quarter to let me microwave that." Friend:"5 cents a second."
The quarter was more then enough to put that poor DVD out of its misery. It then was aptly flung around until it shattered on a radiator.
This movie is firmly placed at the status of "The Worst Movie Ever". And anytime someone brings up an alternative, I merely offer this one up as evidence. This movie has only a single place, that of forgotten obscurity, it is unfortunate that it was so bad, it has been wedged into my mind forever.
I can summarize this simply, with the event that transpired after the film completed.
Me:"I will give you a quarter to let me microwave that." Friend:"5 cents a second."
The quarter was more then enough to put that poor DVD out of its misery. It then was aptly flung around until it shattered on a radiator.
This movie is firmly placed at the status of "The Worst Movie Ever". And anytime someone brings up an alternative, I merely offer this one up as evidence. This movie has only a single place, that of forgotten obscurity, it is unfortunate that it was so bad, it has been wedged into my mind forever.
And the Winner is......
mjags2329 March 2005
And this year's Oscar goes to.......Pocket Ninjas!! Ladies and Gentlemen, forget Million Dollar Baby, Ray, and Sideways, they don't even compare to this wonderful movie directed by Dave Eddy. One could say that salvation could be obtained just by watching half a second of this movie.
Between the fantastic lighting, brilliant sound, and with a villain no older than 10, this movie combines fantastic writing (like "You're not only a dumb blonde, but you're a vegetarian" and "Oh yeah, well you're a fat Republican") you're bound for a four star movie.
Honestly, this very well could've been the worst movie I've ever seen in my entire life. If you and a few buddies want some gut-wrenching laughs, however, or you're just a big fan of bad movies, I would highly recommend this movie and all its hilarity.
Between the fantastic lighting, brilliant sound, and with a villain no older than 10, this movie combines fantastic writing (like "You're not only a dumb blonde, but you're a vegetarian" and "Oh yeah, well you're a fat Republican") you're bound for a four star movie.
Honestly, this very well could've been the worst movie I've ever seen in my entire life. If you and a few buddies want some gut-wrenching laughs, however, or you're just a big fan of bad movies, I would highly recommend this movie and all its hilarity.
1 is still to high
lrzewnicki29 March 2001
Lets just say after I watched the first three minutes it was already off. The movie is so bad it is almost laughable. I can't even tell you what its about, but if your looking for the worst movie ever, then I think you've found it.
Very, very, very bad (but funny)
KCS8215 January 2003
This movie is, flat out, atrocious in every way. The acting is awful, the stunts are laughable, the fights are very poor, there is no plot, and what little plot that exists is ridiculous. However, I highly recommend it as a tutorial on how not to make a movie, and for any big group of people who wants to end up rolling on the floor laughing.
are you kidding me?
wrelax7 May 2003
What a HORRIBLE movie. The dialogue sounds like it was written by a 7 year old, the acting is atrocious (you can tell the people are reading off the script), there is absolutely no plot whatsoever, new characters are introduced out of nowhere and they don't even have a purpose to being in the movie, the camera work is laughable, the action scenes are the worst I have ever seen in my entire life, editing was so bad it was noticeable when scenes were cut out and replaced, the music was terrible (it didn't add anything to the scenes it made the scenes even more confusing and horrific), and the wardrobe was just rediculous (In a bad, bad way). What's up with all the karate scenes that are repeated over and over and over, they aren't even different karate scenes, they are exactly the same ones we are shown from the beginning to the end. If it weren't for those cheezy, depressing, fighting scenes, the movie would've been 10 minutes long as my roomate said. All in all, this deserved a 0, but I had to give it a 1 because there is no lower score. I hope whoever made this film was really, really, high and just decided to make a joke film, because if it was a serious movie, wow I feel bad for him.
Great!
CandideForVoltaire22 March 2005
I have never known beauty until I saw this movie. Now flowers smell sweeter, the sky is bluer, and my cocaine is whiter. When I now think of the top three greatest films of all time I'll think of The Godfather, A Clockwork Orange, and Pocket Ninjas.
The directing in this film (I use the word not in disrespect to the greatness to which is this) is above par. I have to admit I'm a little put off by the fact there aren't enough montages. It is just new film all the time in a coherent manner. I have to admit that this is a new take on filming. Maybe it'll catch on.
As for the acting? When I think of the three greatest actors I now think of Al Pacino, Anthony Hopkins, and the littlest pocket ninja.
Truly, I think the Academy missed a great film here. They should re-release it into the theatres (it's not like it was a straight to Laser-disc film). I think it'd sweep them all. Even best music.
Well...I'm going back into my cave, then it's back to another day of Pocket Ninja watching. This movie makes my life worth living!
The directing in this film (I use the word not in disrespect to the greatness to which is this) is above par. I have to admit I'm a little put off by the fact there aren't enough montages. It is just new film all the time in a coherent manner. I have to admit that this is a new take on filming. Maybe it'll catch on.
As for the acting? When I think of the three greatest actors I now think of Al Pacino, Anthony Hopkins, and the littlest pocket ninja.
Truly, I think the Academy missed a great film here. They should re-release it into the theatres (it's not like it was a straight to Laser-disc film). I think it'd sweep them all. Even best music.
Well...I'm going back into my cave, then it's back to another day of Pocket Ninja watching. This movie makes my life worth living!
life changing
sad_sad_panda16 August 2009
i literally insist on watching pocket ninjas every time i'm intimate with my girlfriend! the acting was the finest i've ever seen at one point i thought they were actually ninjas as their moves were so skilled and dangerous looking. the plot just gets deeper and deeper as the movie goes on and is enthralling to watch as the complexities are unravelled. Cobra khan has to be one of the most terrifying film villains ever to be portrayed, I had to watch a good bit of the movie behind the sofa as the terror just became too much for me, particularly in the battle scenes. This movie is a must watch, before i saw this movie i didn't see any reason in getting out of bed in the morning but now, i'm studying to become a ninja myself and u know what? things are looking good for my future. All in all, a massive 10 out of ten for a movie that in my own personal opinion will never be beaten for realism and quality.
Chinese food, lots of alcohol and Pocket Ninjas make for a perfect evening!
anicholis7 August 2006
The special appearances by Chuck Woolrey, William Hung and Fabio/Sammy Hagar/Roger Daltrey make this the summer hit for 2006 you don't want to miss! Suzanne Hennigar's turn as Jonathan Brandis's mom was hot...very hot...The PG rating tells you from the beginning that nothing is going to happen, but when you see her on screen, you want it to anyway. You spend the duration of the film also waiting for something to happen between Fabio and his young pupil, Tanya. Overall, a pretty good film. Some minor repetition of sequences and corny dialogue, but all-in-all, worth the $1. IMDb demands that we type in ten lines of text. Therefore, we'll dedicate the next six lines to sharing our top ten favorite moments in this epic ninja adventure. 10. Weird eye makeup on Damien outside the dojo. 9. Susanne's bondage scene. 8. Gameboy with no game. 7. "Mom. They took my Mom." 6. Willy Wonka-esquire balloon scene. 5. Running-up-the-wall kick in final scene. 4. Over-sized virtual reality helmet. 3. Fat, creepy girlfriend Amy at end of movie. 2. Sexual tension between Mario Lopez and Tanya. 1. Sexual tension between Gary Daniels and Suzanne Hennegar.
They got my mom... I hope they're not forcing her to watch this movie
fpcguitarist3203 June 2009
Warning: Spoilers
This move was so ridiculously bad, I knew it was going to be bad and I still fell asleep watching it. 45 minutes of training footage, 10 minutes of pre-teen name calling, 30 minutes of extremely fake fighting and 6 more minutes of evil scheming make up the 91 minutes of horrible. Seriously it was funny because it was so bad but I'm not sure I could watch it again without a generous monetary sum. I laughed rather hard at some parts like "They were huge and they had big muscles" but the funniest parts of the movie was the intended humor in some parts was so bad that it was actually funny. For example when the mom doesn't go after the hundred dollar bill but she does go after grocery coupons, It was so incredibly lame that the attempt made me laugh.
Youtube videos are of better quality!!!
wwe796126 November 2010
This is one of the worst movies I have have ever watched. Everything about it is beyond bad. The acting, dialogue, fights, score, and humor are all total crap. The acting from everyone just feels pathetic. The dialogue feels like it was written by a 5 year old. The score is annoying as hell. The humor is failed completely. Then we have the worst thing about it. The sense of action feels void. Most of the movie is just people training. It gets really boring, and then when you reach an actual fight it is filled with loud sound effects that are laughably bad. As for action it feels like they put no effort into it actually being entertaining. The worst part of the movie in my opinion is for sure the bad guys training. It is supposed to be tough guys training, but instead it is just a bunch of silly slapstick to god awful music. It feels laughably bad at first, but it goes on forever to the point of boredom. This movie is just lame. It is as lame as I can imagine a karate movie being. It fails on every level.
0 stars out of 4
0 stars out of 4
Wow...a "ninja" movie starring a bunch of talentless kids--what more could you ask for in a movie?!
planktonrules27 January 2010
Aye, aye, aye....where to begin?! This horrible movie is just terrible in just about every way...no, wait...EVERY WAY. My only questions are who was insane enough to think this sort of film would sell AND why is this movie currently only ranked the fifth worst film on IMDb?! The film looks like someone with a few dollars (not that many, actually) thought that other martial arts films are bad because they are violent, have actors with actual martial arts skills and don't star talentless kids and teens. So, they went to their nearest karate studio and recruited all the white, yellow and a few green belt kids and asked them if they wanted to star in a movie! While I saw a lot of people with black belts on here, I just assume they bought them and did nothing to earn them, as my cat knows about as much about self-defense as these knuckleheads!!
The plot, not that you'll ever care, is that an evil force (led by a cute 9 year-old) can only be countered by three talentless 'ninjas'. These good ninjas consist of three kids in karate who are given special masks that allow them to have really, really below-average and SLOW fighting skills!! If these kids are the world's only hope,...then we are so royally screwed!
There is nothing...nothing positive I can say about this film. Horrible writing (if they even had I writers--I honestly think they just made it up as they went along, horrible action (I hate to even use the word 'action'--this implies something more than Tai Chi speed fighting), inept direction and annoying characters--this film rates a zero in all departments. Plus, the idea of watching a film consisting mostly of obnoxious teens with their annoying dialog is NOT anyone's idea of a good time!! The only value this film might have is to use to interrogate members of Al Qaeda, however Amnesty International would be all over the President's butt if they ever did anything that cruel and inhuman!!
The plot, not that you'll ever care, is that an evil force (led by a cute 9 year-old) can only be countered by three talentless 'ninjas'. These good ninjas consist of three kids in karate who are given special masks that allow them to have really, really below-average and SLOW fighting skills!! If these kids are the world's only hope,...then we are so royally screwed!
There is nothing...nothing positive I can say about this film. Horrible writing (if they even had I writers--I honestly think they just made it up as they went along, horrible action (I hate to even use the word 'action'--this implies something more than Tai Chi speed fighting), inept direction and annoying characters--this film rates a zero in all departments. Plus, the idea of watching a film consisting mostly of obnoxious teens with their annoying dialog is NOT anyone's idea of a good time!! The only value this film might have is to use to interrogate members of Al Qaeda, however Amnesty International would be all over the President's butt if they ever did anything that cruel and inhuman!!
Worst movie ever made
angrymonkey_91126 November 2009
Warning: Spoilers
Holy Christ. sorry, but i have to get it off my chest. i just finished watching this movie, and felt i needed to REGISTER on this site just to write a review just to express my hatred for this movie. there are countless errors in this movie, and the production values......ugh all i am saying is i could fund a better quality movie with whats in my wallet right now. harsh? no, not at all. it looks like they filmed this thing on a video phone. and the plot..... first off we find our so called 'heroes' in a dojo with their trainer 'white Dragon' but they don't know he is white dragon, they are being informed of white dragon foiling robbers and such. this sparked my attention because later in the movie they saw white dragon on a Japanese comic, they were wondering who he was, even though they were informed of him in the first FIVE MINUTES of the movie. another thing that annoyed me is their costumes. their ninjas right? wrong. they wear black suits, colored maskes, CLOWN WIGS and roller blades. yeah, VERY stealthy. now we come to THE worst scene in the entire movie, if not in film history. we find white dragon fighting Cobra Khan in a balloon factory. and by balloon factory i mean a bunch of clowns in a room blowing up balloons. well here we are, the fight between cobra khan and white dragon, well they do anything but fight. the mighty white dragon is just bouncing on balloons and telling each other that 'nah nah cant get meh' and the ever dreadful 'neener neener!' I could swear at one point i heard my television crying in sorrow. the long and short of it is i wanted to stab my eyes out with a rusty knife. Yeah, not a very good movie.
This movie really deserves the last place in film-history.
pemju8812 August 2009
Sometimes I watch movies from the "Bottom 100" to laugh a little, but this "film", if it is actually allowed to call it this way, outclassed everything I have ever seen before. It is not funny like "plan 9" or "the claw" it is sad.
It really hurts to see acting, that could be outclassed by every kindergarten theater group on this planet.
The biggest problem of the movie is the "numbing-factor", your brain will be switched off by the movie and you will be stunned until the credits start.
Even though the movie has a story, too stupid for any 1st-grader, it doesn't really follow these. The actors are just fooling around for 80 minutes.
Trust me and do not watch this movie. If you did, demand refunds from the director. If you didn't pay to watch the movie, then sue him for solatium, for this is mental cruelty on tape.
It really hurts to see acting, that could be outclassed by every kindergarten theater group on this planet.
The biggest problem of the movie is the "numbing-factor", your brain will be switched off by the movie and you will be stunned until the credits start.
Even though the movie has a story, too stupid for any 1st-grader, it doesn't really follow these. The actors are just fooling around for 80 minutes.
Trust me and do not watch this movie. If you did, demand refunds from the director. If you didn't pay to watch the movie, then sue him for solatium, for this is mental cruelty on tape.
Yellow Belt Karate fight scenes...
wynonasbigbrownbeaver16 February 2009
Warning: Spoilers
I am digging deep on finding a god-awful movie such as this one. Dave Eddy, congratulations man! You've made the worst movie ever. I bought this film without knowing what I was about to get myself into. It was on sale for 50 cents at Amazon.com with the shipping price of $2.98. The remarks column said "Discontinued by Manufacturer."
I never got a kick out of watching a fight scene, (more like a "Let's Play Patty Cake" scene), where the white dragon and that retarded Kobra Khan are fighting with balloons. BALLOONS MAN! BALLOONS! Too many Looney Toons Gimmicks dumb this fight scene down to the point that even the mentally handicapped would start crying.
So this is where the creators of the Napoleon Dynamite got their kick-ass 8 bit Nintendo soundtrack. The background music is so sloppy and poorly edited. It seemed way too retro to be late 90's flick and it looked like it was the 80's with those super cool mullets.
I have never seen so much hardcore choreography as this. These supposed kids were supposed to be black belts when they look like they should be wearing yellow belts. So many roundhouse kicks to the face and so many reused sound effects. Flailing their arms and spinning back kicks in play fighting, it looked like they used the 4 inch rule so they don't hurt each other. Pure FAMILY "FUN"!
The training montages were lazy at best with more Looney Toons gimmicks just make want to say F___ you to this movie!
They've roundhouse kicked my ass with their super cool virtual reality gear. They sedated me with with their virtual fight scenes to the point of being lulled to sleep. Was that it? Everything was resolved by the Pocket weasels beating the evil Cubby Khan in a virtual reality fight? This movie is one giant "Butt-Whiff!" that I had the balls to watch from start to finish.
If Hell had a BlockBuster or a Netflix, Pocket Ninjas would be the only choice movie!
All I got to say is WOW. Dave Eddy, man you took one for the team!
I never got a kick out of watching a fight scene, (more like a "Let's Play Patty Cake" scene), where the white dragon and that retarded Kobra Khan are fighting with balloons. BALLOONS MAN! BALLOONS! Too many Looney Toons Gimmicks dumb this fight scene down to the point that even the mentally handicapped would start crying.
So this is where the creators of the Napoleon Dynamite got their kick-ass 8 bit Nintendo soundtrack. The background music is so sloppy and poorly edited. It seemed way too retro to be late 90's flick and it looked like it was the 80's with those super cool mullets.
I have never seen so much hardcore choreography as this. These supposed kids were supposed to be black belts when they look like they should be wearing yellow belts. So many roundhouse kicks to the face and so many reused sound effects. Flailing their arms and spinning back kicks in play fighting, it looked like they used the 4 inch rule so they don't hurt each other. Pure FAMILY "FUN"!
The training montages were lazy at best with more Looney Toons gimmicks just make want to say F___ you to this movie!
They've roundhouse kicked my ass with their super cool virtual reality gear. They sedated me with with their virtual fight scenes to the point of being lulled to sleep. Was that it? Everything was resolved by the Pocket weasels beating the evil Cubby Khan in a virtual reality fight? This movie is one giant "Butt-Whiff!" that I had the balls to watch from start to finish.
If Hell had a BlockBuster or a Netflix, Pocket Ninjas would be the only choice movie!
All I got to say is WOW. Dave Eddy, man you took one for the team!
.... 1 / 10 is MOST DEFIN ITELY too high...
adam-eats-chop-suey16 November 2009
Warning: Spoilers
What a god awful movie. I really wish I could swear on this, but alas, I cannot. I can't even believe that this is real. I watched it with a few friends in a basement, and just wow. WOW. What in hell were the creators of this monstrosity thinking? What did they think they could accomplish? If you are considering this movie, don't even think about it (if you're even brave enough to call it a movie.) My friends were bugging me to sign up on this to comment on here, so I finally broke down and registered. The camera work was done by a grade 2 child, and the acting was extremely painful, as you could obviously tell they were reading the script for every single line. The 6 montages (2 of which were partially re-used, by the way) were excruciating. Also, for the scenes where Robert Z'Dar was in the movie, I sat there in awe of his ungodly chin. It could swallow the sun. It could feed the entire continent of Africa for at least a month, probably more like 3 or 4. Hell, I even think it could probably kick the crap out of Chuck Norris. And that's saying something. Anyways, what I mean to say is that this movie is ridiculous. If you want some amazing laughs, acquire this "movie" some how and watch it with a couple friends. You will NOT be disappointed. Please, be intoxicated, otherwise you may hurt yourselves though.
poor mans 3 ninjas
blackdeath212 October 2007
Wow! Where to start. Lets go with acting. The acting was so bad, it didn't even have a chance to become good and then go bad again. It sounded as if they couldn't remember their lines, so they had someone hold a card off screen. On top of that you couldn't even hear what they were saying so you had to turn up the volume, then you were blasted with loud music.
Now the fighting. The fight scenes were so underwhelming. They looked lazy and boring. Not one person looked like they new any martial arts except Gary Daniels, who even though is a pro-fighter never threw a punch the whole movie. Another thing who can fight on roller blades.
The whole pace of the movie was slow and dragged out. It seemed every scene was a montage scene.
The only good things in the movie are the masks that the kids and the "White Dragon" wear and Robert Z'Dar as Cobra Khan.
If your looking for a children's karate movie, skip this and go get "3 Ninjas 1 and 2".
Now the fighting. The fight scenes were so underwhelming. They looked lazy and boring. Not one person looked like they new any martial arts except Gary Daniels, who even though is a pro-fighter never threw a punch the whole movie. Another thing who can fight on roller blades.
The whole pace of the movie was slow and dragged out. It seemed every scene was a montage scene.
The only good things in the movie are the masks that the kids and the "White Dragon" wear and Robert Z'Dar as Cobra Khan.
If your looking for a children's karate movie, skip this and go get "3 Ninjas 1 and 2".
dis movie is the bomb
eric_langner17 November 2005
This movie changed my life. I was struggling to find myself is a sea of confusion, when the monk at the local monastery decided I needed salvation. I have found discipline in the martial arts, and I am currently a karate instructor in my small town. I am avidly pursuing producing a sequel to the movie, but I can't seem to contact the first director. I have risen from my shameful beginnings and become a respected member of society, and I have this movie to thank for it. This movie was robbed from the Oscar for Best Picture, this images in this movie far exceed that of 'Titanic' who managed to win the Oscar that year despite the underrated 'Pocket Ninjas. I hope this movie can change your life in ways you cannot fathom.
Sincerely,
A Changed Man, George Egan
Sincerely,
A Changed Man, George Egan
This movie took away a part of my soul...
josh-savvakis23 April 2010
If you are wondering how bad this movie is to be in the bottom 100 then take it from me that this is literally the WORST movie of ALL time.
Words cannot begin to describe the storyline... why are there are over 10 montages of the same footage?
Worst music, dialogue, filming, acting, everything.
I am lost for words to describe the awfulness of this movie, it's like 3 ninjas mixed with funniest home videos, it sucks, it's offensive and i'm pretty sure someone has vomited from simply viewing this film.
0 out of 10 stars I want every copy destroyed to save the humanity from cinematography's version of Satan
Words cannot begin to describe the storyline... why are there are over 10 montages of the same footage?
Worst music, dialogue, filming, acting, everything.
I am lost for words to describe the awfulness of this movie, it's like 3 ninjas mixed with funniest home videos, it sucks, it's offensive and i'm pretty sure someone has vomited from simply viewing this film.
0 out of 10 stars I want every copy destroyed to save the humanity from cinematography's version of Satan
This movie is in Tier 1 for terrible movies
brailsford31 December 2009
Warning: Spoilers
There are low budget/direct to video movies, and then there is trash like this.
Trying to follow the plot of this film can actually hurt at time with the amount of thinking that was required to follow what was going on. Was there a Cobra Khan or was he just part of the kids imagination of the white ninja. Was the white ninjas back story based on a comic or were the kids just dreaming it. What was the deal with that scene with the clown fight and the balloons. Why were they bouncing on balloons for 15 minutes?! Also the kids were trained by a Van Damn wannabe who while solidly built lacked any acting talent. Also the box art, why couldn't the box designers at least pick an honest one to give the audience an idea how ugly the costumes were which looked like was made of cheap pieces of costume purchased in Chinatown.
Acting was poor at best. It was fairly obvious by the end of the film that the kids could not do any of there own stunts which was probably why the stunt kids wore the awful costumes.
The film at times seemed like a bad live action cartoon. This film goes so far as to hit clichés such as fishing rods and bait to lure the one kid's mom , following the kids by hiding in a trash can.
There were also subtle problems such as some of the film was not properly edited to make it feel like it fit in the movie as the lighting was off and it seemed the purpose of it was to purely drag the film on.
The film director insists that to allow the film to be acceptable by foreign markets he had to put in work out scenes which could be misconstrued as intentionally trying to torture the viewers.
But the worst torture by far was saved for last in the form of the "Virtual Reality fight" which consisted of random fighters fighting sped up using such weapons as silly string. I honestly question the mental health of the writers and seriously wonder if some of them were on drugs when I watch this scene, it makes me cry every time cause it hurts so very much.
My advice, do not watch this movie ever, unless you go in wanting to be subjected to the worst kinds of mental torture a film can present you with. There is nothing to laugh at in the film's intended humor. Not even the mistakes are funny most of the time. You might get out a few guilty laughs at some of the dumber moments, granted they might just be a response triggered by the brain cells this film kills at speeds higher then grain alcohol.
Trying to follow the plot of this film can actually hurt at time with the amount of thinking that was required to follow what was going on. Was there a Cobra Khan or was he just part of the kids imagination of the white ninja. Was the white ninjas back story based on a comic or were the kids just dreaming it. What was the deal with that scene with the clown fight and the balloons. Why were they bouncing on balloons for 15 minutes?! Also the kids were trained by a Van Damn wannabe who while solidly built lacked any acting talent. Also the box art, why couldn't the box designers at least pick an honest one to give the audience an idea how ugly the costumes were which looked like was made of cheap pieces of costume purchased in Chinatown.
Acting was poor at best. It was fairly obvious by the end of the film that the kids could not do any of there own stunts which was probably why the stunt kids wore the awful costumes.
The film at times seemed like a bad live action cartoon. This film goes so far as to hit clichés such as fishing rods and bait to lure the one kid's mom , following the kids by hiding in a trash can.
There were also subtle problems such as some of the film was not properly edited to make it feel like it fit in the movie as the lighting was off and it seemed the purpose of it was to purely drag the film on.
The film director insists that to allow the film to be acceptable by foreign markets he had to put in work out scenes which could be misconstrued as intentionally trying to torture the viewers.
But the worst torture by far was saved for last in the form of the "Virtual Reality fight" which consisted of random fighters fighting sped up using such weapons as silly string. I honestly question the mental health of the writers and seriously wonder if some of them were on drugs when I watch this scene, it makes me cry every time cause it hurts so very much.
My advice, do not watch this movie ever, unless you go in wanting to be subjected to the worst kinds of mental torture a film can present you with. There is nothing to laugh at in the film's intended humor. Not even the mistakes are funny most of the time. You might get out a few guilty laughs at some of the dumber moments, granted they might just be a response triggered by the brain cells this film kills at speeds higher then grain alcohol.
Hands down the worst movie I've ever sat through ever
JaredGilman7 May 2011
Warning: Spoilers
Pocket Ninjas is one of the worst movies mankind has come across. I normally like to watch bad movies just to laugh at them so when I saw this inside the bottom 5 I thought that I would nearly die in hysterical laughing while watching this movie. Yes I did laugh at it for about half of the movie. The reason I say half is because the rest of the movie are training sequences that use the same footage over and over again. By the fourth training sequence I was literally praying that these tedious sequences would come to a close but they didn't. Now to the rest of this junk. The acting was by far way worse than those cheesy commercials on TV. In fact, the acting in this "movie" made the acting in the commercials on TV look Oscar-worthy. All of the actors looked really bored on screen. The story is literally nonexistent. There are countless amounts of huge plot holes and continuity issues in Pocket Ninjas. So much that you'd think it was made to be a parody. But it isn't. Anyways, I wouldn't recommend this crap to anyone.
This movie is more like an empty pocket of cob-webs, and moths.
ironhorse_iv25 April 2013
Warning: Spoilers
This is without doubt one of the worst film ever made, this film makes every other bad films looks good. I am amazed by how bad this film is. I really doubt this movie made any money in any return. I feel bad for who-ever produce this film. I was morbidly curious, so I watched it first. That was a major lapse of judgment. Its looks like a rip-off of Three Ninjas and Power Rangers. Anyways, first off, what is with the title? Pocket Ninja? What is that? Sounds like a pervert name where a guy who'd ask kids to put their hand into his pocket and they'd end up grabbing his privates. Stupid title. Pocket Ninjas was originally entitled Skate Dragons. The film was intended to be a children's version of 1991's The Roller Blade Seven that would showcase director Donald G. Jacksons' "Roller Cam" cinematography and "Zen Film-making" style. "Zen Film Making" is the philosophy of film making that says you don't need a script to your movie, you just film a bunch of random scenes and call it a movie. Pointless scenes such as a balloon factory fight, a guy riding on top of a stolen car. It has nothing to do with the main story. A stupid parade and last a supersonic virtual reality game with annoying sounds and music to make your ears bleed. However, Jackson was replaced when executive producers felt the "Zen Film-making" style was not working. Eddy was brought in to create a wrap around for the Jackson and the producer's extra footage. It was a mess. The film starts with clowns, no really, three kids that looks like Ninja ass clowns with their masks on trying to fight crime. They are Steve (Brad Bufanda) whom girlfriend Amy complaining about him near the end was out of the blue. It really paid off by only showing the top of her head. The next one is Damien (Joseph Valencia) whom special ninja power is that he can play a Gameboy with no cartridge. Last is Tanya (Sondi) who kicks in the endless amounts of training montages are just bad to watch. ¾ of the film is just training montages. The whole point of the training montages in movies is to pump us up for the big final fight scene. In order for us to be pumped up, they have to be pumped up. They have to looks motivated and dedicated in those cut scenes not sleepy. Their skills also don't improve from one training scene to the next - they're always bad. If I have kids, they're not getting Karate lessons, because I've seen enough kids training in this movie than I'd want to in my life or next! Their leader is the White Dragon (Gary Daniels). No surprised there. I wonder what Black Dragon thinks about this. Painful acting on display by Gary Daniels and from everybody. No worries, Gary Daniel's character disappears half way in the film and never returns. It's never explain. The worst acting is Cubby Khan (Rick Rabago) the kid leader of the street gang called the Stoners, or Stringers. They change their name throughout the film. He reads his line with no delivery. His father Cobra Khan (Robert Z'Dar) while not playing patty cake and doing a Tarzan impression is working with an evil pollution company man to pour toxic waste or something. The plot never get fresh out, as even a sub-plot romantic between White Dragon and Damien's mother is cut. The writing is so bad, it felt like it's in a different language. Like, Canadian or something. I think that some up the sheer stupidity of the movie. I really do. This movie is in fact a definition of real low-brow stupidity brought to screen. Pocket Ninjas was so bad, it was produce in 1994, but wasn't release on VCR until 1997. It seems like the fight never ends. Just like the movie
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