Lee Frost regular Bill Quinn, who memorably went over the line as the dark anti-hero creep dominating A CLIMAX OF BLUE POWER, stars and fails to breathe life into the stillborn XXX opus THE SEX WIG SCHEME. Something Weird has reissued it to a thunder of silence reaction on Vol. 130 of its Dragon Art Theatre series.
We've all watched tedious "Saturday Night Live" sketches that went nowhere, leaving the cast to flop-sweat their way through to the next commercial break. Similarly, Quinn and company persevere no matter who stupid matters become, in quest of finishing an assembly-line porn film. The video version runs a scant 38 minutes, evidently truncated by the Dragon Art projectionists, but failing even to qualify as an hour of filler.
After humping the delicious Carmen Olivera, Quinn as Walter turns his attention to her lesbian pal Sylvia, an ugly but well-built woman who is failing in her work at selling wigs out of her home. Walter gets the bright idea to make femme customers "believe that the sex is in the wig", namely that buying one of Sylvia's wigs will make them irresistible to men.
This flimsy premise is run into the ground, as Walter talks three of his studly buddies to shill - to visit plain Janes who've bought wigs and bed them, claiming it's the wig that turned the trick. This of course makes no sense but, full speed ahead.
Before carrying out this scheme, Sylvia's brother shows up and borrows her bed to hump his girl friend - a completely extraneous sex scene thrown in as padding.
A busty girl shows up looking for Sylvia, but Walter tells her that he "invented" the wigs, and does a lame sales pitch. He has her strip, revealing a terrific body, and tries to seduce her, but she leaves angrily in a huff. This is typical ineptness of a film where the fans even get cheated out of having this alluring performer do her XXX stuff.
Another customer receives a hideous long black wig that even Elvira would reject as being in poor taste. A stud arrives to hump her, but just as their foreplay begins, "THE END" card appears on screen, framed by two bare female behinds. Truly corny.
A terrible film with Quinn trying so hard to emote and "sell" the premise that it's embarrassing -clearly he was a fledgling actor who never got that crucial career break, other than mentor Frost pigeonholing him as evil porn icon.
Worse for me was suffering through the untalented auteur's "battle of the bands" on the soundtrack. For no logical reason, he alternates a classic Jimmy Smith big-band jazz track from one of his mid-'60s Verve LPs with music by some untalented organist who should have been playing at a skating rink. Throughout the film these two opposite poles on the quality scale ying and yang in succession, enough to drive anyone nuts due to repetition. Porn's equivalent to water torture.
We've all watched tedious "Saturday Night Live" sketches that went nowhere, leaving the cast to flop-sweat their way through to the next commercial break. Similarly, Quinn and company persevere no matter who stupid matters become, in quest of finishing an assembly-line porn film. The video version runs a scant 38 minutes, evidently truncated by the Dragon Art projectionists, but failing even to qualify as an hour of filler.
After humping the delicious Carmen Olivera, Quinn as Walter turns his attention to her lesbian pal Sylvia, an ugly but well-built woman who is failing in her work at selling wigs out of her home. Walter gets the bright idea to make femme customers "believe that the sex is in the wig", namely that buying one of Sylvia's wigs will make them irresistible to men.
This flimsy premise is run into the ground, as Walter talks three of his studly buddies to shill - to visit plain Janes who've bought wigs and bed them, claiming it's the wig that turned the trick. This of course makes no sense but, full speed ahead.
Before carrying out this scheme, Sylvia's brother shows up and borrows her bed to hump his girl friend - a completely extraneous sex scene thrown in as padding.
A busty girl shows up looking for Sylvia, but Walter tells her that he "invented" the wigs, and does a lame sales pitch. He has her strip, revealing a terrific body, and tries to seduce her, but she leaves angrily in a huff. This is typical ineptness of a film where the fans even get cheated out of having this alluring performer do her XXX stuff.
Another customer receives a hideous long black wig that even Elvira would reject as being in poor taste. A stud arrives to hump her, but just as their foreplay begins, "THE END" card appears on screen, framed by two bare female behinds. Truly corny.
A terrible film with Quinn trying so hard to emote and "sell" the premise that it's embarrassing -clearly he was a fledgling actor who never got that crucial career break, other than mentor Frost pigeonholing him as evil porn icon.
Worse for me was suffering through the untalented auteur's "battle of the bands" on the soundtrack. For no logical reason, he alternates a classic Jimmy Smith big-band jazz track from one of his mid-'60s Verve LPs with music by some untalented organist who should have been playing at a skating rink. Throughout the film these two opposite poles on the quality scale ying and yang in succession, enough to drive anyone nuts due to repetition. Porn's equivalent to water torture.