Hellboy II: The Golden Army (2008)

Doug Jones: Abe Sapien, Chamberlain, Angel of Death

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Hellboy : You're in love. Have a beer.

  Abe Sapien : Oh, my body's a temple.

  Hellboy : Well, now it's an amusement park.

  Abe Sapien : No, no, no. The glandular balance of...

  Hellboy : Just shut up and drink it, would you?

• Tom Manning : What's going on? What's going on?

  Hellboy : I quit.

  [gives Manning his belt and weapon] 

  Tom Manning : What? Are you serious?

  Liz Sherman : Looks that way doesn't it?

  [gives Manning her belt and weapon] 

  Tom Manning : What's wrong with you? You can't all just quit.

  Abe Sapien : [gives Manning his belt and weapons]  Watch us.

  [pats Manning on the cheek and walks past him] 

  Hellboy : [comes back]  On second thought...

  [pulls out the Samaritan] 

  Hellboy : I think I'll keep this!

  [walks away] 

  Tom Manning : Come on. Come on! Johann, they can't do this. Stop them.

  Johann Krauss : Dr. Manning, suck my ectoplasmic schwanzstucker!

• Prince Nuada : [to the Golden Army]  Kill them.

  Abe Sapien : [shocked]  He lied to us.

  Hellboy : Abe, old buddy. We ever get outta this, we gotta talk.

• Angel of Death : Anung un Rama...

  Liz Sherman : You know that name?

  Angel of Death : And yours, Elizabeth Sherman. At last, I have been waiting for you both, I am his death and I will meet him at every crossroad.

  Liz Sherman : Can you save him?

  Angel of Death : It is for you to decide. It is all the same to me, my heart is filled with dust and sand. But you should know, it is his destiny to bring about the destruction of the Earth... not now, not tomorrow but soon enough. Knowing that, you still want him to live?

  [Liz pauses] 

  Angel of Death : So, child, make the choice. The world, or him?

  Liz Sherman : Him.

  Angel of Death : The time will come, and you, my dear, will suffer more than anyone.

  Liz Sherman : I'll deal with it. Now save him.

  Angel of Death : It is done.

  [the Angel removes the spearhead from Hellboy's chest] 

  Angel of Death : I have done what I can, now give him a reason to live.

• Hellboy : Come on, Abe! What are these things?

  Abe Sapien : Carcharadon Carcharias.

  Hellboy : English, English.

  Abe Sapien : They're, um... tooth fairies.

  Hellboy : Ha!

  Abe Sapien : No. Black Forest, 3rd Century. They feed mostly on calcium. Bones, skin, organs... But they do usually go after the teeth first. Hence the name, "tooth fairies."

  Liz Sherman : Bet you they don't leave money, either.

• Hellboy : [reading a CD's track listing]  "Can't Smile Without You"?

  Abe Sapien : I know...

  Hellboy : Yep, I'm gonna need a beer, too!

• Abe Sapien : [as she lies dying]  I never got a chance to tell you how I feel.

  Princess Nuala : Give me your hand.

  [he takes her hand] 

  Princess Nuala : It's... beautiful.

• Hellboy : [looking at Liz sleeping; drunk]  Look at her. She's it, Abe. She's it. She's my whole wide... You know?

  Abe Sapien : [also drunk]  Yeah. Yeah.

  Hellboy : I would give my life for her... but she also wants me to do the dishes.

  Abe Sapien : I would die and do the dishes.

• Liz Sherman : [over the radio, at the auction house]  Abe, what have we got?

  Abe Sapien : [reading through his book]  Oh, this is interesting. Both boxes have the royal seal. Only delivered in a time of war... Red, we have company.

  Hellboy : [getting annoyed]  Come on, Blue. Give me something to work with here!

  Abe Sapien : Burrowing creatures.

  Hellboy : How many of them?

  Abe Sapien : Many... there are no corpses because there are no leftovers. Have you noticed the floor?

  Hellboy : [walking through the bloody sludge]  Aww, crap!

  Abe Sapien : Precisely. All these things do is eat and eat, then poop, then eat again.

  Liz Sherman : [sarcastic]  Remind you of anyone?

• Abe Sapien : My name is Abraham Sapien.

  Princess Nuala : There is no such name.

  Abe Sapien : Oh, I don't like it much either, but...

  Princess Nuala : Enough! Give me your hand.

  Abe Sapien : I'm sorry?

  [she menaces him with her dagger; he holds up his hand, and she places hers against it] 

  Princess Nuala : You are an agent of the Bureau For Paranormal Research And Defense.

  Abe Sapien : Yes.

  Princess Nuala : And your name is... oh, dear.

  Abe Sapien : Awful, I know.

• Hellboy : "Popular Love Songs"? Oh, Abe... you fell for the Princess?

  Abe Sapien : She... she's like me! A creature from another world...

  Hellboy : You need to get out more.

• Princess Nuala : [with the others in the meat-locker]  To wage his war, my brother needs this.

  [holding the crown piece and cylinder] 

  Princess Nuala : The final piece of the crown of BethMora and this map to the location of the Golden Army chamber.

  Johann Krauss : The Golden Army. The harbingers of death, the unstoppable tide...

  Hellboy : [under his breath]  Howdy Doody.

  Johann Krauss : Your Highness, if you hand the crown piece over to us...

  Princess Nuala : No. Where it goes, I go. My father died to uphold the truce with your world. We must honor his noble intentions.

  Abe Sapien : The lady is in dire danger.

  Johann Krauss : I take is your are vouching for her, Agent Sapien?

  Abe Sapien : Most emphatically, yes.

  Johann Krauss : Even so... I am sorry, but we simply cannot assume such responsibility on our own.

  Hellboy : [getting in Johann's face]  Lady just lost her father, what more do you want?

  Johann Krauss : You may not care, but there are procedures, rules, and little handbooks that...

  Hellboy : She's coming with us. You got that, gasbag?

  Johann Krauss : [offended]  What-what did you call me?

  Prince Nuada : [from behind the group]  You! You will pay for what happened to my friend down there.

  Hellboy : [turning to face him, sarcastically]  Yeah, right. You take checks?

  Prince Nuada : [enraged]  Demon. Born from a womb of shadows, sent to destroy their world and you still believe you belong?

  Hellboy : Are we going to talk all night? Because I'm really sleepy.

• Hellboy : [drunk]  Why is she mad at me? And it's not about the mess, either, it's about something else.

  Abe Sapien : [also drunk]  Well, ask her then!

  Hellboy : No! Look, Abe, when a woman's mad at you, but she's really mad about something else, and you have to ask, she gets mad because you had to ask in the first place! You know?

  Abe Sapien : Uh...

  Hellboy : Never mind, don't answer that.

• Abe Sapien : [to pregnant Liz]  Nothing to fear. Despite the appearances, I bet Red can be excellent father figure.

• Princess Nuala : I am Princess Nuala, daughter of King Balor...

  Abe Sapien : I know. Forgive me, Your Highness, but as you were learning about me, I could not help but learn a little bit about you. You need our help.

  Princess Nuala : I'm afraid it's the other way around.

• Abe Sapien : Now, see, I love this song. And I can't smile, or cry. I think I have no tear ducts.

• Jimmy Kimmel : [talking about Abe on TV]  And what about this guy? Walking around with a toilet seat on his head.

  Hellboy : [laughing]  A toilet!

  Abe Sapien : It's quite obvious it's a breathing apparatus.

• Abe Sapien : Red, we have company.