The Dick Van Dyke Show (TV Series)

The Making of a Councilman (1966)

Dick Van Dyke: Rob Petrie

Photos 

Quotes 

• Rob Petrie : Hi, there. I'm running for city councilman. Vote for me or I'll give you cavities.

• Sally Rogers : Rob, you'll be fine once you get there.

  Rob Petrie : Yeah, I think that's what they said to the captain of the Titanic, didn't they?

• [Rob meets his political opponent for the first time, alone in a waiting area] 

  Rob Petrie : Is it proper for us to be, uh, together, you know, before?

  Lincoln Goodheart : Well, I don't know why not. We're not bride and groom, you know.

• [a phrase candidate Robert Petrie repeats far too often] 

  Rob Petrie : I didn't know that.

• Rob Petrie : Well, it can't rain today. The witch came out of the gingerbread house.

• Rob Petrie : Right, the west side parkway is short and the east side parkway is much longer, about three miles longer, and I think that the west side would be about two million dollars cheaper.

  Lincoln Goodheart : I disagree.

  Rob Petrie : No, that's it - west side, uh, west side short / east side long.

  Lincoln Goodheart : That may be true but there are many factors favoring the east side route.

  Rob Petrie : Like what?

  Lincoln Goodheart : Well, for example, the, uh, the land along that route is, uh, very sparsely populated and, therefore, much more easily acquired. Now that would mean that, although the east side route would be somewhat longer, it would be, uh... it could be completed in anywhere from six months to a year sooner.

  Rob Petrie : I didn't know that.

  Lincoln Goodheart : And, in the long run, that would result a substantial savings.

  Rob Petrie : I'll bet it would.

• Booth : Now the sixth amendment to the constitution guarantees the right of a speedy trial.

  Rob Petrie : It does? Well, I mean it does.

• Rob Petrie : He knows more about The Alan Brady Show than I know. Did you know that our show is number one in Liberia?

  Buddy Sorrell : Why don't we ask for a raise?

• Rob Petrie : He's got more, much more. I was just reading here in his biography. Listen to this: He graduated with honors from law school.

  Laura Petrie : Lot of people graduate from law school.

  Rob Petrie : At eighteen?

• Laura Petrie : You know, you're beginning to sound like you don't want to win.

  Rob Petrie : No, I want to win all right, but I want to win on my qualifications, not on my smile.

  Buddy Sorrell : Well, we heard your qualifications - you better stick to the smile.

• Doug Miller : Lincoln knows facts and figures, huh?

  Rob Petrie : Yes

  Doug Miller : But you know people. And the council is made up of people just like you.

  Rob Petrie : What? A bunch of dopes?

• Rob Petrie : I am not a politician. I feel like a fraud.

  Laura Petrie : Oh well now, Rob, I am getting angry. My husband is not a fraud.

  Rob Petrie : Well I feel like a big dope.

  Laura Petrie : That's better.