The Golden Girls (TV Series)

Mary Has a Little Lamb (1990)

Lorry Goldman: Fred

Quotes 

• Dorothy Zbornak : What can I say to make you understand?

  Fred : I don't know. Maybe I'm too stupid.

  Dorothy Zbornak : Fine, then maybe there is something I can say. And I want to apologize for this story before I begin. Have you ever heard of a little town called St. Olaf?

  Fred : No.

  Dorothy Zbornak : Perfect. Now, as it was told to me, and I have to admit that I wasn't listening that closely, there was this farmer named Nils Nibelung. And he had a pig named Brunhilde, and she won all the blue ribbons at all the county fairs. Well, Nils also had a daughter named Fricka, and she won red ribbons, usually as runner-up to the pig.

  Fred : Does this story have a point?

  Dorothy Zbornak : You asked that at just the right time. Anyway, one April, Nils decided to breed Brunhilde, that's the pig, not the daughter, and he chose April because that's when pigs are at their most beautiful and desirable. Unfortunately, so was Fricka. So while Brunhilde and the pig were doing their thing, Fricka and the local pig breeder were doing theirs. God, I hope I got the names right! Anyway, when Nils heard about it, he banished Fricka from his house and his life forever.

  Fred : So?

  Dorothy Zbornak : So, after a while, he lost interest in the pig's company and he ate her. And he died St. Olaf's loneliest man.

  Fred : Is that the end of the story?

  Dorothy Zbornak : God, I hope so!

  Fred : I don't get it.

  Dorothy Zbornak : Fred, let me put it this way. She is sixteen, she is scared, and she is carrying your grandchild. Do you really want to abandon her?