Seinfeld (TV Series)
The Burning (1998)
Jerry Seinfeld: Jerry Seinfeld
Photos
Quotes
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Elaine : Here's one. I borrowed Puddy's car and all the presets on his radio were Christian rock stations.
George Costanza : I like Christian rock. It's very positive. It's not like those real musicians who think they're so cool and hip.
Elaine : So you think that Puddy actually believes in something?
Jerry : It's a used car, he probably never changed the presets.
Elaine : Yes, he is lazy.
Jerry : Plus, he probably doesn't know how to program the buttons.
Elaine : Yes, he is dumb.
Jerry : So you prefer dumb and lazy to religious?
Elaine : Dumb and lazy, I understand.
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Jerry : Sophie, it's me! I know about the tractor story! And I'm fine with it!
Sophie : How could you know?
Jerry : Shhh! Shhh! But I'm not going to let something like this ruin what could be a meaningful relationship.
Mickey Abbott : [Kramer and Mickey enter] You gave me gonorrhea and you didn't even tell me!
Cosmo Kramer : I gave you gonorrhea because I thought you'd have fun with it!
Mickey Abbott : Well, you should have told me!
Jerry : I'm with somebody!
Sophie : No, I understand! This can be a difficult thing to deal with! But the important thing is that you have a partner who's supportive.
Cosmo Kramer : You know, she's right.
Sophie : But of course, I didn't have a partner. I got gonorrhea from a tractor.
Jerry : You got gonorrhea from a tractor? And you call that the tractor story?
Sophie : Yeah, my boyfriend said I got it because I was riding the tractor in my bathing suit.
Jerry : [stunned] All right, that's it for me. You've been great. Good night everybody!
[leaves]
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Elaine : Well, I'm going to hell.
Jerry : That sounds about right. Hey, did you hear the one about the guy in hell with the coffee and the donuts?
Elaine : Jerry, I'm not in the mood.
George Costanza : [to the waitress] I'll have some coffee and a donut.
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Sophie : [on Jerry's answering machine] Hey Jerry, it's me. Call me back.
Jerry : Sophie.
George Costanza : She's still doing that?
Jerry : Yep.
George Costanza : Alright, I'll tell you what you do. You call her back and give HER the "It's me", heh? Pull the old switcheroo.
Jerry : I think that's a "What's good for the goose is good for the gander."
George Costanza : What the hell is a gander, anyway?
Jerry : It's a goose that's had the old switcheroo pulled on it.
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George Costanza : I had 'em Jerry. They loved me.
Jerry : And then?
George Costanza : I lost them. I can usually come up with one good comment during a meeting, but by the end, it's buried under a pile of gaffs and bad puns.
Jerry : Showmanship, George. When you hit that high note, say goodnight and walk off.
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Jerry : No no, he's pretending he's got gonorrhea so med students can diagnose it.
Cosmo Kramer : And it's a waste of my talent. It's just a little burning. Mickey, he got bacterial meningitis.
George Costanza : Well I guess there are no small diseases, only small actors.
[Kramer, Elaine and Jerry laugh]
George Costanza : Alright, that's it for me. goodnight everybody.
[exits]
Elaine : What was that?
Jerry : Showmanship. George is trying to get out on a high note.