Marty Jenkins and the Vampire Bitches (2006) User Reviews

Mini-Budget Goes Large

[hbeeinc · 5/10 · 22 October 2014]

Someone's been watching a lot of Kevin Smith movies. The good news is that he comes close to getting it. The problem with this movie can be summed up in one word: Editing. Everything drags just a little too slowly leaving the good jokes hanging in the air and the bad ones plummeting to their death. Speed it up and that problem vanishes. Sort of. The winkiness drained me after awhile. Part of that comes from the actors, none of whom have what you'd call a light touch. But...we're back to editing. Take out the breaking-the- fourth-wall nonsense, play it for real and, even with no budget, you've got Kevin Smith. Here's the thing that directors and actors don't understand: Comedy works best when you stop trying to be funny. Every once in a while, they get it right.

Hummer: You know all those people who made fun of you in high school? Marty: How did you know they made fun of me in high school? Hummer: C'mon, boy. Sweater vest?

That's a great joke, well delivered. However, towards the end when Marty has the showdown with the vampires, he does this "The power of Christ compels you....The POWER of Christ compels you...the power of Christ compels you" shtick. It would work if he were actually talking to himself and it wasn't played as "I've written a joke". At best, it's a joke-lette which doesn't deserve to get the kind of focus it's given.

But there are some great touches like the micro-budget Marty's friend makes with a scene where Marty dies for about a minute and a half.

It bears notice that this movie might well have the highest BMI of any movie I've ever watched. Chubby vampires just don't do it for me.

All told, this is definitely worth a watch. For a mini-budget, it borders on outstanding.

Lame-o comedy horror with vampires

[Leofwine_draca · 1/10 · 20 April 2017]

A REALLY bad shot-on-video comedy horror flick made in Georgia, USA. This lame-o effort features a slacker whose ex-girlfriend has joined a bevy of female vampires now preying on the general population. The hero decides to fight back. This film has plenty of sitting around, horror film references, and lame dialogue, accompanied by lashings of overacting and a very cheap filming style. It's boredom inducing, that's what it is.

Good Stuff

[satellitepictures · 6/10 · 12 June 2006]

I had a hard time voting on this movie for a few reasons. If I were to put it up against all movies and rated it that way, well it isn't the greatest movie ever made or anything close to that. But it still is a very enjoyable little romp, so I gave it a 6. If I were to rate this against very small budgeted indy films, it would get a higher rating. I have seen a TON of super low budget indy flicks and most I feel as though I just wasted $10 and some of my time as well as drained me emotionally leaving me a loser in all of those categories. But this one is pretty smart and entertaining. Marty Jenkins is a "lovable" character that you actually root for. The comedy is actually funny, the scenes are well done and there is a decent plot to push it through the gates as a winner. The girls are attractive (even the one that is a bit chubbier than some people's tastes is still a very cute girl) so it doesn't disappoint in that department. And everyone plays their roles very well. Do yourself a favor and even if you aren't into no budget flicks, pick this one up for a view. Let it get started and soon you will find yourself rooting for the poor guy (Marty). Maybe you'll rush out for a sweater vest? Nah. But you'll probably have a good time watching it.

Stay Back...You Vampire Bitches!!!

[dark_mullet · 9/10 · 10 May 2006]

Microbudget films. Micro Cinema. Call it what you will, movies with small budgets, $300 to be exact for a few I have seen (and made for that fact). There's literally hundreds, if not thousands of people attempting to get a break in this business known as film. Metaphorically, all of these filmmakers have been handed a machine gun, a gun any moron can handle, to shoot a target. Mostly, all the bullets miss.

Someone hit a Bull's Eye.

Henrique Couto brings us this painfully clever and fun feature featuring a lovable (or hate-able) loser named Marty Jenkins. Marty's life sucks, and will continue to suck more and more throughout the film. Depending on the kind of person you are, during the film you will either constantly hope for something GOOD to finally happen to Marty, or you will wait with excitement at what bad thing will happen next. Shawn A. Green III plays Marty with scary precision, with the timing one would except from a pro in his game. Sometimes one wonders if Shawn has a wall of Tyrannosaurus Sad pictures in real life...

Pretty much every single other character is well played, Isaac never failed to give me giggles and Tyler (Henrique himself) is always a welcome addition to any scene. The Vampire Bitches themselves are perfect for stereotypical bad vampires and have a healthy mix of good acting and forced over-acting (for comedic purposes, obviously). Nic Pesante as the Blade spoofing Deacon is my personal favorite in the film.

The story is simple and plain, but the jokes are what makes this one so fabulous. There aren't many indie films this fun or well done around (aside form maybe mine...never mind). So this film is well worth the purchase, being a nearly perfect piece of Micro-Cinema. I highly suggest you buy it. With money. It's a much smarter purchase than "Vampire Whores 3" (the first will always be the best).

I'm not some fool.

[nogodnomasters · 6/10 · 11 August 2017]

The film opens with the birth of Marty, at home. Marty is an ugly baby and is immediately disowned by his father, a Charles Bukowski reader. That was the type of humor that littered the film when it wasn't making odd cultural references. As an adult, Marty works at a DVD rental store in Dayton and is into pop culture. When three vampires visit the store for a "nosh" Marty becomes the only person who can save us....except for maybe the retired guy. Note the Criterion Film rental section.

The film had a lot of off beat humor and at other times the humor failed when they tried too hard. Low budget film designed to be quirky and campy. I liked the neighbor Oscar (Stuart Balls) who reminded me of Jeff Goldblum on cocaine.

Guide: F-word, sex, nudity (Plexi Starr with star pasties.Inside joke when the guy says, "I see stars.")

20 years late to the party...but still...

[dan_counts · 8/10 · 11 November 2023]

Not very often you find a micro/no-budget feature with good writing. I mean let's be honest, you're never going to find one with good acting or good set pieces. However, running across this little gem gives me hope.

Our lovable loser Marty Jenkins, well his life sucks. He looks like an escapee from a Mennonite colony, wearing a sweater vest and driving a modern VW Beetle. His girlfriend has broken up with him, his "best friend" if you want to call him that can't be bothered to return his pron movies on time, to the craptastic video store that he works in with a co-worker that despises him.

Enter our Vampire Bs (stupid censor rules). They are vapid, his best friend has a lust connection with one of them. They kidnap his ex and turn her into a B!!!!

Then we meet the Blade wanna be, taking on a different vampire coven, man they did hit that one on the nose. The vampire queen telling her minions to attack him one at a time and then him stopping the fight, asking where the techno music was at, that was perfect.

Most micro-budget movies you get the unholy trifecta, bad script, bad acting, and bad direction. But in this one you get a fairly funny script, passable acting and horrid directing, but hey what do you expect for a film that looks like it was filmed in one day for like 300 bucks?

If you see this film, watch it, you'll be pleasantly surprised.