- Captain Jack Harkness: How are you, Ianto?
- Ianto Jones: All the better for having you back, sir.
- Captain Jack Harkness: Could we maybe drop the "sir" now? I mean, while I was away, I was thinking. Maybe we could, you know, when this is all done: dinner, a movie...
- Ianto Jones: Are you asking me out on a date?
- Captain Jack Harkness: Interested?
- Ianto Jones: [scoffs] Well, as long as it's not in an office. Some fetishes should be kept to yourself...
- Captain John Hart: You've put on weight!
- Captain Jack Harkness: You're losing your hair.
- Captain John Hart: What are you wearing?
- Captain Jack Harkness: Captain Jack Harkness, note the stripes.
- Captain John Hart: Captain John Hart, note the sarcasm.
- Captain Jack Harkness: Hey, I worked my way up through the ranks!
- Captain John Hart: I bet the ranks were very grateful... I need a drink.
- Captain Jack Harkness: I thought you'd never ask.
- [Captain John downs a bottle of vodka]
- Captain Jack Harkness: So, uh, how was rehab?
- Captain John Hart: Rehabs. Plural.
- Captain Jack Harkness: Drink, drugs, sex and...
- Captain John Hart: [grins] Murder.
- Captain Jack Harkness: [laughs] You went to murder rehab?
- Captain John Hart: I know, ridiculous! The odd kill, who does it hurt?
- Captain Jack Harkness: [sobers] You clean now?
- Captain John Hart: Yeah, kicked everything. Living like a priest.
- [first lines]
- Gwen Cooper: [to an old woman] Excuse me, have you seen a blowfish driving a sports car?
- [woman points]
- Gwen Cooper: Thank you.
- [they drive on]
- Old Woman: Bloody Torchwood.
- Gwen Cooper: All I'm saying is: You are speeding, and there are children.
- Owen Harper: Well, if kids are out at midnight, they've got it coming.
- Gwen Cooper: You left us, Jack!
- Captain Jack Harkness: [sigh] I know, I'm sorry.
- Gwen Cooper: We knew nothing, Jack!
- Toshiko Sato: Where were you?
- Captain Jack Harkness: [smiles] I found my Doctor.
- Owen Harper: Did he fix you?
- Captain Jack Harkness: What's to fix? You don't mess with this level of perfection.
- Ianto Jones: [softly] Are you going back to him?
- Captain Jack Harkness: I came back for you.
- [pause]
- Captain Jack Harkness: All of you.
- Captain Jack Harkness: Looks like we're going to have to go through every drawer, bin and plant-pot.
- Ianto Jones: Right, OK. I'll do this floor, don't want you getting over excited. You take the roof, you're good on roofs.
- [pause; Jack starts to leave]
- Ianto Jones: Jack? Why are we helping him?
- Captain Jack Harkness: He's a reminder of my past, I want him gone.
- [pause]
- Captain Jack Harkness: [Jack asked a Ianto on a date earlier] By the way, was that a yes?
- Ianto Jones: Yes, yes...
- Captain John Hart: [regarding himself and Jack] We were partners.
- Ianto Jones: In what way?
- Captain John Hart: In every way.
- Captain Jack Harkness: [Introducing the team] Gwen Cooper, Ianto Jones, Toshiko Sato, Owen Harper, meet...
- Captain John Hart: Captain John Hart.
- Captain Jack Harkness: We go back.
- Captain John Hart: Excuse me, we more than go back; we were partners.
- Ianto Jones: [Softly] In what way?
- Captain John Hart: In every way, and then some.
- Captain Jack Harkness: It was two weeks.
- Captain John Hart: Except that two weeks was trapped in a time loop, so we were together for five years. It was like having a wife.
- Captain Jack Harkness: You were the wife.
- Captain John Hart: *You* were the wife.
- Captain Jack Harkness: No, you were the wife.
- Captain John Hart: Oh, but I was a *good* wife!
- Gwen Cooper: What happened to Jack? He should be here!
- Captain John Hart: What I've been saying all along: unreliable.
- Gwen Cooper: Shut up!
- Captain John Hart: [looking out the window] I think I'm starting to see what he likes about this place: she's beautiful, he's stunning...
- Gwen Cooper: Do you ever stop?
- Captain John Hart: What? Five minutes to live, you want me to behave? Oh, that's gorgeous.
- Gwen Cooper: That's a poodle.
- Captain John Hart: [savagely] That's nice.
- Ianto Jones: [about Jack's WristComm] Woah, that never beeps.
- Captain Jack Harkness: That's what I was thinking.
- [presses button]
- Captain John Hart: [via Hologram] I can't believe I got the answering machine. What can you be doing that's more important than me? Anyway, you've probably traced the energy shift, found the body - all me. Sorry about the mess, bill me for the clean up. Now, Drinks! Retrolog the transmission coordinates, that's where I am. And hurry up, work to do.
- [American accent]
- Captain John Hart: "Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope."
- Captain Jack Harkness: Torchwood. Outside the government, beyond the police, tracking down alien life on earth and arming the human race against the future. The 21st century is when everything changes... and Torchwood... is ready!
- Owen Harper: What are we gonna do when we catch it?
- Toshiko Sato: Jack would know.
- Owen Harper: Yeah, well Jack's not here, is he. Jack's disappeared. Fat lot of good Jack is.
- Captain John Hart: Ho, ho, do you have a team name? I love team names; go on.
- Captain Jack Harkness: Torchwood.
- Captain John Hart: Oh. Not Excalibur? Uh, Blizzard? Bikini Cops? No? Torchwood. Oh, dear.
- Toshiko Sato: You said this was a dying woman's request.
- Captain John Hart: Yeah, she was dying - I shot her.
- Gwen Cooper: [dragging John towards the crack in the rift] We have to go!
- Captain John Hart: Woah! What about a last minute rescue? What's the point of being on a team if you don't get a last minute rescue?
- Gwen Cooper: [heavily annoyed] You are unbelievable.
- Captain John Hart: [smugly] And yet you still find me strangely attractive.
- Captain Jack Harkness: [about John] Three rules. One, don't believe anything he say. Two, always keep him in front of you. And three, under no circumstances let him kiss you.
- Gwen Cooper: As if I would!
- Captain John Hart: Has he got to the "no kissing" rule yet? He only invented that one because he wants me all to himself.
- Gwen Cooper: Can you deal with the body when it's cold?
- Ianto Jones: My pleasure, unless you'll be making sushi.
- Captain Jack Harkness: Oh yeah, loving that 'officey' feel. I always get excited in these places. To me they're exotic: office romances, photocopying your butt. Well, maybe not your butt, although, as we're here, why don't we photo...
- Ianto Jones: [interrupting] The rift was active at these co-ordinates approximately 200 feet above ground. That means this floor, or the roof.
- Captain John Hart: What a cosmic joke, eye candy. An accident of chemicals and evolution. The jokes, the sex - just to cover the fact that nothing means anything. And the only consolation is money.
- [last lines]
- Captain John Hart: Oh. By the way. Meant to tell you, I found Gray.
- Gwen Cooper: Who's Gray?
- Captain Jack Harkness: It's nothing.
- [sighs]
- Captain Jack Harkness: Let's get back to work.
- Blowfish: So, this is Team Torchwood: the teacher's pets. But teacher's gone, hasn't he? Leaving the kiddie-kids all alone. And look at you, trying so hard to be all grown up: the doctor with his hands full of blood, the carer with her oh-so-beating heart, the technician with her cold devices. Which leaves me with the office boy, promoted beyond his measure. All of you, lost without your master. All of you, pretending to be so brave. All of you so scared.
- [laughs]
- Blowfish: So, what about it, minion? Can you do it? How good are you? How sharp is your aim? What if you kill her? What if I kill her first? Can you shoot before I do? Can you? Dare you? Would you? Won't you?
- [is shot]