The Story Line is Weak. The Acting is Substandard. Real Lizards could have done a Better Job Speaking and Acting. The Audio is very Poor. The spoken lines are inarticulate and difficult to understand.
12 Reviews
You Want a P**** Tonight, Daddy?
fallingfornever515 September 2022
Warning: Spoilers
Throughout my years on Earth, I've seen films that create entire subgenres, generate millions of copycats and clones, and often bring forth a new generation of quality filmmakers. One of biggest examples of this could be Tarantino and Rodriguez in the early/mid 90s. These filmmakers gave us slick cinematography, witty and hip dialog and characters with charisma and charm, while being both bad a** and cool. If you were a cinephile in the 90s, and well into the 2000s, you wanted to see every movie possible that was reminiscent to "Pulp Fiction" or "Reservoir Dogs." Me, on the other hand, I've always preferred atmosphere over smooth talking and flashy camera angles -- likely why I would take "Inglorious Bastards" and "Hateful Eight" over the rest of Tarantino's catalogue. But, that's neither here nor there. What's important, is where we've come in those years.
It's not uncommon for actors to be given some liberties with dialogue, or for the cast to have some input on how to improve the quality of a film or scene. Heck, I worked as a special effects artist on a film and was given the opportunity to provide a great deal of input on how to improve scenes due to my knowledge of the genre we were working on.
When I think of improv, I think of actors like Robin Williams and Bill Murray. Guys who've had whole scenes changed just so they fit around the improvised dialog. I've read interviews and articles where actors would talk about being handed scripts with no dialogue for their characters, just an outline of what would be happening in the scene. What an honor that must be. An honor bestowed upon only the most skilled actors in the industry. I assume the script (if there was one) for "Lot Lizards" was done in a similar fashion...only without the prestige, and highly skilled actors.
Now, before I start, I want to say that this film is far from "Desperado" or "Kill Bill"...heck, it's far from "Four Rooms"...or dare I say, "Sharkboy and Lavagirl." There are no flashy camera angles, or slick dialogue, and the characters don't permeate the screen with that je ne sais quoi that made for bad a** feme fatales like The Bride -- in fact, there are only about two different camera angles in the entire film!
"Lot Lizards" will in no way, be shamed for it's no budget attempt at filmmaking. However, I don't think amateur filmmaking can be excused on the grounds of micro/no-budget.
Having a degree in Creative Writing, I'm no stranger to being critiqued or critiquing others. One of the biggest things I'd learned is how to accurately critique a person's work to be balanced, and not give only praise or only suggestions for improvement, but rather a nice middle-ground. This review will be no different.
I assume, like most, I was intrigued instantly by the movie's title -- "Lot Lizards." There are no frills, nothing elegant, just flat out, "This movie is about lot lizards." It, along with the overly polished bad Photoshop cover a la something you'd see at Family Video in their straight to video section in 2008, was enough to make my wife and I want to watch it.
I suppose this would be a good place to note that if you watch this on Tubi for free, like we did, you'll find the TV-14 rating to be grossly deceptive and greatly inaccurate.
After watching the trailer, we decided that it was the perfect film for a mid-week movie night...and boy were we right!
I've seen multiple comedies over the last several years that barely got a single chuckle out of me, and more than a few scoffs and annoyed eye rolls. Now, to be honest, my type of comedy is more based in perfectly timed absurdity, and envelope pushing, quick witted, and/ or intelligent punchlines. So, the comedy of women who talk about their lady bits, and all of their quirky sexual experiences, or guys who team up together just to point out how short one is and how muscular the other is, doesn't really do much for me. With that, I have to confess that "Lot Lizards" made me laugh harder than I have (at a movie) in several years. Lines like, "You want a p***y tonight, daddy?", "We got a dead a** p1mp up in here!" (Maid talking to the police), a character calling a trick to apologize for leaving him early, and him explaining that "...after you left, I had to j*** off", or every flat line delivered by the character of Mimi, make the movie a laugh fest. If you're a person who laughed at the terrible dialogue of movies like "The Room", "Karen", or "Shark Attack 3: Megalodon" you'll love it here.
Not only is the dialogue hilarious, but 99% of the acting is delivered in a way that is insanely over the top -- with Mimi taking up the 1% with her performance that's comparable to watching a piece of bread go stale. The character of Tez is hands down my favorite character in the film. A fresh out of prison past p1mp that's looking to take back the streets. Now, please don't let that character breakdown get you excited or expecting more than what it is, because 85% of the time he's just pressing guns to women's heads or pimp slapping them into the next season -- all of which will have you laughing you a** off. Please, don't think I condone violence towards women. Nothing could be farther from the truth...but man, some of these things -- especially toward Sugar -- had me in tears from laughter. Not to mention in the climax of the film when one of the rival working girls gets sh0t in the knee by him as he takes a shower. Beside the hilarity, we also get the pinnacle of Mimi's acting with, "D***, you sh0t me in the knee." On top of the hilarious dialogue, and the overacting, we get a storyline that kind of goes somewhere, while also not going anywhere. Pointless side stories are introduced at random and never touched on again. Examples include: Stormy's relationship with her mother who is also the maid at the hotel the women bring tricks to, even though we're never sure if she's supposed to be the maid or not, a man from Texas that two of the girls rob and he goes looking for them, only to just stop without the audience ever knowing he did, the one girl being sent away because her husband abuses her...and then he falls in love with another lot lizard (Just writing that had me laughing). People get k1lled, k1ll others, get kidnapped, kidnap others, rob people, and I'm pretty sure that no one in the area where the film was being filmed knew it was going on.
There are two scenes that stand out to me, one where Sugar doesn't want to turn a trick and tells him that she has diseases, tons of them -- all of them -- before Tez runs up, says, "Hey, hold on, she don't got any diseases," he then says, "Sugar, can I talk to you," and grabs her hair pressing a gun to her head. During that moment another girl who is supposed to play a working girl backs away with a look of genuine terror in her face.
The other scene is one that takes place after the girls are robbed by a guy who decides he doesn't need to cover his face and brings his lootings to another lizard a few streets away. The women then drive up to him, get out, and proceed to demand their money back at gun point. It's not a funny scene, however, the girls grab him lot lizard and press a gun to her head, during this part a car can be seen pulling into a parking spot behind the actors, and immediately put the car in reverse and quickly leave.
I could harp on the bad cinematography, the boring and uninspired camera angles, or the awful sound, but I feel it only adds to the unintentional humor of the entire experience. It should be common knowledge that angles should change frequently and that certain techniques should be used to give the audience clues about the character...for instance, filming a character upward often shows power or dominance, whereas filming down on a character can show that they're weak. This film, however, throws all that out the window for nothing but mid ranged shots that stay the same for 5-10 minutes at a time. Things like this will make you appreciate Tyle Perry movies. But, again, as part of the entire package they work so perfectly.
Overall, I have to give this movie a bad score because I have to rate it fairly, and just because I loved it for its "So bad, it's a masterpiece" qualities, I have to accurately rate it for those who may not be going in looking for something as absurd as it's blunt and already funny name suggests.
If you're looking for a movie that you can watch with a group of friends (or even alone) and laugh uncontrollably at, then this is the movie for you, and I would give it an easy 9/10. If you're a serious movie fan, looking for a gritty, hard-edged drama/thriller/revenge film about abused street workers trying to get by, then look elsewhere because this isn't it.
It's not uncommon for actors to be given some liberties with dialogue, or for the cast to have some input on how to improve the quality of a film or scene. Heck, I worked as a special effects artist on a film and was given the opportunity to provide a great deal of input on how to improve scenes due to my knowledge of the genre we were working on.
When I think of improv, I think of actors like Robin Williams and Bill Murray. Guys who've had whole scenes changed just so they fit around the improvised dialog. I've read interviews and articles where actors would talk about being handed scripts with no dialogue for their characters, just an outline of what would be happening in the scene. What an honor that must be. An honor bestowed upon only the most skilled actors in the industry. I assume the script (if there was one) for "Lot Lizards" was done in a similar fashion...only without the prestige, and highly skilled actors.
Now, before I start, I want to say that this film is far from "Desperado" or "Kill Bill"...heck, it's far from "Four Rooms"...or dare I say, "Sharkboy and Lavagirl." There are no flashy camera angles, or slick dialogue, and the characters don't permeate the screen with that je ne sais quoi that made for bad a** feme fatales like The Bride -- in fact, there are only about two different camera angles in the entire film!
"Lot Lizards" will in no way, be shamed for it's no budget attempt at filmmaking. However, I don't think amateur filmmaking can be excused on the grounds of micro/no-budget.
Having a degree in Creative Writing, I'm no stranger to being critiqued or critiquing others. One of the biggest things I'd learned is how to accurately critique a person's work to be balanced, and not give only praise or only suggestions for improvement, but rather a nice middle-ground. This review will be no different.
I assume, like most, I was intrigued instantly by the movie's title -- "Lot Lizards." There are no frills, nothing elegant, just flat out, "This movie is about lot lizards." It, along with the overly polished bad Photoshop cover a la something you'd see at Family Video in their straight to video section in 2008, was enough to make my wife and I want to watch it.
I suppose this would be a good place to note that if you watch this on Tubi for free, like we did, you'll find the TV-14 rating to be grossly deceptive and greatly inaccurate.
After watching the trailer, we decided that it was the perfect film for a mid-week movie night...and boy were we right!
I've seen multiple comedies over the last several years that barely got a single chuckle out of me, and more than a few scoffs and annoyed eye rolls. Now, to be honest, my type of comedy is more based in perfectly timed absurdity, and envelope pushing, quick witted, and/ or intelligent punchlines. So, the comedy of women who talk about their lady bits, and all of their quirky sexual experiences, or guys who team up together just to point out how short one is and how muscular the other is, doesn't really do much for me. With that, I have to confess that "Lot Lizards" made me laugh harder than I have (at a movie) in several years. Lines like, "You want a p***y tonight, daddy?", "We got a dead a** p1mp up in here!" (Maid talking to the police), a character calling a trick to apologize for leaving him early, and him explaining that "...after you left, I had to j*** off", or every flat line delivered by the character of Mimi, make the movie a laugh fest. If you're a person who laughed at the terrible dialogue of movies like "The Room", "Karen", or "Shark Attack 3: Megalodon" you'll love it here.
Not only is the dialogue hilarious, but 99% of the acting is delivered in a way that is insanely over the top -- with Mimi taking up the 1% with her performance that's comparable to watching a piece of bread go stale. The character of Tez is hands down my favorite character in the film. A fresh out of prison past p1mp that's looking to take back the streets. Now, please don't let that character breakdown get you excited or expecting more than what it is, because 85% of the time he's just pressing guns to women's heads or pimp slapping them into the next season -- all of which will have you laughing you a** off. Please, don't think I condone violence towards women. Nothing could be farther from the truth...but man, some of these things -- especially toward Sugar -- had me in tears from laughter. Not to mention in the climax of the film when one of the rival working girls gets sh0t in the knee by him as he takes a shower. Beside the hilarity, we also get the pinnacle of Mimi's acting with, "D***, you sh0t me in the knee." On top of the hilarious dialogue, and the overacting, we get a storyline that kind of goes somewhere, while also not going anywhere. Pointless side stories are introduced at random and never touched on again. Examples include: Stormy's relationship with her mother who is also the maid at the hotel the women bring tricks to, even though we're never sure if she's supposed to be the maid or not, a man from Texas that two of the girls rob and he goes looking for them, only to just stop without the audience ever knowing he did, the one girl being sent away because her husband abuses her...and then he falls in love with another lot lizard (Just writing that had me laughing). People get k1lled, k1ll others, get kidnapped, kidnap others, rob people, and I'm pretty sure that no one in the area where the film was being filmed knew it was going on.
There are two scenes that stand out to me, one where Sugar doesn't want to turn a trick and tells him that she has diseases, tons of them -- all of them -- before Tez runs up, says, "Hey, hold on, she don't got any diseases," he then says, "Sugar, can I talk to you," and grabs her hair pressing a gun to her head. During that moment another girl who is supposed to play a working girl backs away with a look of genuine terror in her face.
The other scene is one that takes place after the girls are robbed by a guy who decides he doesn't need to cover his face and brings his lootings to another lizard a few streets away. The women then drive up to him, get out, and proceed to demand their money back at gun point. It's not a funny scene, however, the girls grab him lot lizard and press a gun to her head, during this part a car can be seen pulling into a parking spot behind the actors, and immediately put the car in reverse and quickly leave.
I could harp on the bad cinematography, the boring and uninspired camera angles, or the awful sound, but I feel it only adds to the unintentional humor of the entire experience. It should be common knowledge that angles should change frequently and that certain techniques should be used to give the audience clues about the character...for instance, filming a character upward often shows power or dominance, whereas filming down on a character can show that they're weak. This film, however, throws all that out the window for nothing but mid ranged shots that stay the same for 5-10 minutes at a time. Things like this will make you appreciate Tyle Perry movies. But, again, as part of the entire package they work so perfectly.
Overall, I have to give this movie a bad score because I have to rate it fairly, and just because I loved it for its "So bad, it's a masterpiece" qualities, I have to accurately rate it for those who may not be going in looking for something as absurd as it's blunt and already funny name suggests.
If you're looking for a movie that you can watch with a group of friends (or even alone) and laugh uncontrollably at, then this is the movie for you, and I would give it an easy 9/10. If you're a serious movie fan, looking for a gritty, hard-edged drama/thriller/revenge film about abused street workers trying to get by, then look elsewhere because this isn't it.
A Film Ruined by Incompetent Direction
Uriah4318 April 2022
This film begins with a prostitute by the name of "Angie" (Chasity Nicole) and her pimp "Slim" (Jeff Horner) having sex in a hotel room. Although everything starts off well enough, he then becomes violent and fearing for her life Angie hits him over the head with a bottle which ends up killing him. Not knowing what else to do, she quickly gathers her belongings and leaves the hotel room resulting in the maid discovering the body the next day. That night, Angie meets up with four other prostitutes and essentially tries to fill as their manager during Slim's unexplained absence. What nobody realizes, however, is that a violent convict named "Tez" (Cortez Maxwell) has just been released from prison and plans to take over the territory once controlled by Slim--and this has severe consequences for all concerned. Now, rather than reveal any more, I will just say that this is one of those low-budget films that had a certain amount of potential which was clearly not realized. Of particular concern was the audio irregularities which sometimes caused me to turn up the volume to understand what was being said only to have my speakers almost blown out when one of the characters started yelling all of a sudden. Likewise, in one particular scene the decision was made to play some rap music at the same time some of the characters were having a conversation. Naturally, everything was totally incomprehensible. Needless to say, neither of these things should ever happen and, whoever the sound technician was, he shouldn't be allowed anywhere near a movie set ever again. Not just that, but this rather obvious defect should have also been picked up during the editing process--and the fact that it wasn't points right at the director (Robert L. Parker III) who, by the way, was also credited as the film editor as well. Given this sad circumstance, although the acting was clearly second-rate, I find it difficult to criticize any of the actors too harshly. Along those same lines, there were a couple of actors--most notably Chasity Nicole, Cortez Maxwell and possibly Kamaria King (as "Jade")--who might have possibly made a difference with competent direction. Sadly, this was not the case and, given the obvious faults just mentioned, I cannot rate this film any higher than I have.
I'd rather help an ex move
farleym-1944214 February 2022
This isn't a total waste. It fails as a recruiting film for working girls, doesn't do much for pimps, but does shed some light on the horrors of being a motel housekeeper. I admit I did not hang until the ending and may have missed a glimmer of art. I took an early out to volunteer to pick up dog squeeze in my neighbors lawn. Thegirls been eating good and are a hefty bunch.
Will there be a sequel? The Return of the Lot Lizards? Lizards ll? I should have worn protection. I feel so dirty.
Will there be a sequel? The Return of the Lot Lizards? Lizards ll? I should have worn protection. I feel so dirty.
Worst movie ever
jimmywright-8002621 January 2022
This movie.is the worse movie ever. Not one good thing about this can be said whoever gave it a 10 clearly does not have a taste in good movies.if you wanna waste your time watch this.movie. It turned my stomach and made me throw up after watching it.
Someone actually spent 300,000 on this?
kaleem_09198323 January 2022
I don't understand that someone actually spent 300,000 on this. Do you know if I had 300,000 dollar I would actually spent on my app idea and make millions but you know what rather spending on a great idea - let's spend money on this. Lot Lizards!! Let's spend 300,000 on Lot Lizards. Yeah! Fml!
Its garbage!
ceedeem3 February 2022
Rubbish...
paul_haakonsen9 April 2022
Right, well as I sat down to watch the 2022 drama titled "Lot Lizards" from writer Andrea Parker and director Robert L. Parker III, I have to admit that I didn't know what I was in for. Had I heard about the movie prior to watching it? Nope, not even the slightest word. But I have to say that I wasn't really expecting this movie to be a grand cinematic experience.
Still, I opted to watch it, since it was a movie that I hadn't already seen, and I do believe in giving a movie a fair chance. But this movie was a swing and a miss. Actually, strike that. The ball never even made it to the playing field. This movie is right up there among the top five of horrible movies I have stumbled upon in my many years of watching movies.
The storyline is immature and felt like it was just made up on the spot as they were shooting the movie. So there wasn't really anything great to be viewed here. It was rubbish and amateurish at best. And the narrative of the storyline was so mind-boggling slow that it was painful to sit through. Running at nearly two hours, this movie was a struggle to sit through. I managed to endure 41 minutes of slow, agonizing torture, then I just couldn't take anymore and had to end the movie.
I wasn't familiar with a single actress or actor on the cast list. And that is usually something I enjoy in movies. But if I have to be honest, then I wasn't enjoying it in "Lot Lizards". Why? Well, because the acting performances resembled something like fish flapping about out of water. It was painful to witness.
The character gallery in "Lot Lizards" was just downright laughable. Talk about having generic and stereotypical characters. And the dialogue that writer Andrea Parker managed to conjure up for the bland characters just didn't work. Plus the fact that in some of the scenes the delivered dialogue was just inaudible.
I am sure that there might be an audience out there for a movie such as "Lot Lizards", though I just can't fathom where or why.
My rating of "Lot Lizards" lands on a one out of ten stars. This movie was downright bad. It felt like something that I could have made myself with my DV camera and a handful of friends.
Still, I opted to watch it, since it was a movie that I hadn't already seen, and I do believe in giving a movie a fair chance. But this movie was a swing and a miss. Actually, strike that. The ball never even made it to the playing field. This movie is right up there among the top five of horrible movies I have stumbled upon in my many years of watching movies.
The storyline is immature and felt like it was just made up on the spot as they were shooting the movie. So there wasn't really anything great to be viewed here. It was rubbish and amateurish at best. And the narrative of the storyline was so mind-boggling slow that it was painful to sit through. Running at nearly two hours, this movie was a struggle to sit through. I managed to endure 41 minutes of slow, agonizing torture, then I just couldn't take anymore and had to end the movie.
I wasn't familiar with a single actress or actor on the cast list. And that is usually something I enjoy in movies. But if I have to be honest, then I wasn't enjoying it in "Lot Lizards". Why? Well, because the acting performances resembled something like fish flapping about out of water. It was painful to witness.
The character gallery in "Lot Lizards" was just downright laughable. Talk about having generic and stereotypical characters. And the dialogue that writer Andrea Parker managed to conjure up for the bland characters just didn't work. Plus the fact that in some of the scenes the delivered dialogue was just inaudible.
I am sure that there might be an audience out there for a movie such as "Lot Lizards", though I just can't fathom where or why.
My rating of "Lot Lizards" lands on a one out of ten stars. This movie was downright bad. It felt like something that I could have made myself with my DV camera and a handful of friends.
Lot Lizard is a film that lives down to your lowest expectations and then some
kevin_robbins5 October 2023
I recently viewed Lot Lizard (2022) on Tubi. The plot revolves around four truck stop prostitutes who grow tired of their lifestyle and decide to seize a new direction by any means necessary.
Directed by Robert L. Parker III (The Woods), the film features Amika Carr (Unfaithful), Jeff Horner (Deceptive Intentions), Latrice Franklin (Code of Envy), Meagan Harper (Sweet Revenge) and Nina Holley (Unfaithful).
This movie disappoints in both predictable and unexpected ways. It succumbs to clichéd circumstances, subpar acting, poorly written and delivered dialogue, and an abundance of sex scenes with minimal nudity. The film's fight scenes are among the worst you'll ever witness, and the repetitive portrayal of the same truckers engaging with the prostitutes becomes tiresome. Even the soundtrack fails to stand out.
In summary, Lot Lizard is a film that lives down to your lowest expectations and then some. I would rate this a 1/10 and strongly advise skipping it.
Directed by Robert L. Parker III (The Woods), the film features Amika Carr (Unfaithful), Jeff Horner (Deceptive Intentions), Latrice Franklin (Code of Envy), Meagan Harper (Sweet Revenge) and Nina Holley (Unfaithful).
This movie disappoints in both predictable and unexpected ways. It succumbs to clichéd circumstances, subpar acting, poorly written and delivered dialogue, and an abundance of sex scenes with minimal nudity. The film's fight scenes are among the worst you'll ever witness, and the repetitive portrayal of the same truckers engaging with the prostitutes becomes tiresome. Even the soundtrack fails to stand out.
In summary, Lot Lizard is a film that lives down to your lowest expectations and then some. I would rate this a 1/10 and strongly advise skipping it.
Better than Dune
chazheitman11 November 2022
No budget, and hilarious. It's curb your enthusiasm minus talent, and wins for it. Highly entertaining; So bad it's great. Funnier than most comedies out, takes low budget to the best extreme. Robert L Parker is having fun with a few dollars in his pocket and shining light on his local street workers/ friends. Has a message even if it's one of the most poorly executed films I've ever seen. I hope this review brings more traction to this beautiful dumpster fire of a movie. I'm glad tubi has no filter and allows this gratuitous nonsense to exist for the general populace. Solid 8 if you also enjoy movies with no real direction, camera work, writing, or characters. It's amazing.
Memphis Mane!
olufemileejohnson19 January 2022
This is definitely one of the more original no budget films I've seen in a while. It jumped around a bit, but overall, it's a really good cult classic kind of film. Imagine what they could've done with a real budget!
A genuinely entertaining movie
twomeyaaron22 October 2022
Ignore what the bad reviews say. Just because this movie is The Godfather doesn't mean it doesn't have its merits. Watch this movie in the spirit it is intended to be and you'll enjoy it. As cartoonish as the characters may seem, the people they portray are cartoonish in real, as does the seemingly bizarre plot, it is a reflection of the absurdity of reality, it would be less convincing if Kerri Washington played anyone in this movie and if it served to fulfil our expectations instead of subvert them and make us question what we really know about life. Afterwards, ask yourself "was I entertained? Did I laugh? Am I invested in any of these characters?" and if you answer yes to any one of those questions, then it's time we'll spent. If not, then you came to that decision yourself and not because some guy online said you shouldn't. Isn't that what movies are all about?
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