Amityville Death Toilet (2023) Poster

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3/10
Amityville Death Toilet
BandSAboutMovies13 July 2023
Warning: Spoilers
Gregg G. Allin (Isaac Golub, who played Father Dingleberry in five Death Toilet movies, including Death Toilet 4: Brown Snakes on A Plane) -- get it, G. G. Allin? -- is a paranormal podcaster brought to Amityville by Mayor Dump (Roy Englebrecht, who was the boxing consultant for Celebrity Boxing) who wants him to "kill this toilet" and by this toilet, I mean the Death Toilet that has been killing people in the same town where Ronald DeFeo Jr. Was possessed all those years ago.

After the toilet kills the caretaker, the same man who has been randomly showing up to shoot hot snakes into the bowl, Gregg must battle the bowl, so to speak, to save the anuses of Amityville.

I always wonder about people who get to be in movies and then want to brag to their family and then see the name of the role they played. Like Mike Hartsfield, who in this movie plays Misc. Men Making Mud Mounds.

Evan Jacobs has directed fifty movies and this is one of them. Yes, all of the Death Toilets were directed and written by him. He also made the DV series about a serial killer who keeps filming himself. I would say that when he finally gets to the close of this movie where animated birds and sharks and flies all attack, it's actually pretty funny. That took 55 minutes to get to, nearly an hour of people repeating themselves as they talk directly into the camera and act as if they're streaming and being as boring as most streamers when they had every opportunity to retake these scenes and make something better.

It does get better, though, and hearing a toilet say, "Leave!" made me laugh, which is more than most Amityville movies get out of you.

But if you haven't made it through 47 other Amityville movies to get here, first of all, don't. Don't make the same mistakes I have. Because you're going to watch five minutes of this and hate yourself, hate cinema and perhaps even give up on life. Then again, if you've insulated yourself against things like plot, good sense and movies made with stock fire explosions that you can buy for less than the price of this DVD, dig in. It's certainly at least as good as Amityville Karen and much better than Amityville Thanksgiving, a movie so caused that I feel like I never stopped actually watching it and any second now, I will wake up and it will start all over again and I'll be trapped watching it forever and ever amen.
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2/10
D minus. Didn't hate it, but omg.
minionking77711 July 2023
This was 5 minutes of content stretched out over an hour. There were like 3 actors, a few wacky nonsense things, and the whole thing felt like it was shot on a whim with a phone. This must have been like a 24-hour-make-a-horror-movie-challenge or something. Or a movie made by 12-year-olds with help from their dads. I wouldn't recommend this movie, but I would challenge anyone to watch it! If you enjoy absolutely intentionally awful sub indie horroresque video rambles, then this is for you. It will test your fortitude! Good luck, and may every deity have mercy on your soul. I literally had to take Tylenol after watching this.
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