Panzer Chocolate (2013) User Reviews

More Nazi horror movies please.

[berg-74532 · 5/10 · 28 December 2019]

If a horror movie that has anything to do with Nazi's with and all roles we're played by field mice. I would buy a ticket and eagerly await the start of the film. So take into consideration that 4 of my 5 stars are the result of possible subject matter the single star is an accurate assessment of the film. Five minutes it the story lost all credibility and I'm not saying this is based on anything real it's that like all movie all the characters are played but impossibly attractive people but in this one this is the literal life's work of a twenty year old who has no proof of her theory yet ten seconds after she's told your wrong everything is put into clear focus by pulling a map out and drawing a swastika. Immediately after this she is nearly run down by a car that the driver of the very loud car whispers " seig heil " and she hears it and I'm absolutely not exaggerating the whisper part. She calls a friend and within seconds not minutes she receives a phone call to set up a meeting with some reclusive expert common sense would be this would could only if the recluse knows what this is about or in-depth knowledge of what's happened which is impossible since the friend that's set up this meeting can't have more than a casual understanding of the overall subject matter she is doing her study on or actual knowledge of what she just found out which she did not tell him. So her enlightened altruistic friend comes to her home to tell her details of the meeting ask for a sexy dance as payment. He clearly values the brains of the incredibly hot "student" by asking her to strip which the clearly 21 century brain box denies the request but all is not lost when the equally hot friend of are female hero agrees the so the objectification is complete. I personally have no problem with this but every time something this occurs it seems someone has an issue but maybe that's just in the US where hypocrisy of things like this runs free so I've been told by the media to decry this when it occurs which I guess will gain me entrance in some sort of secular heaven or some one writes this down in the book for the semantics hall of fame. In closing it takes a lot to make me dislike a Nazi Horror movie and at times almost made me consider possibly thinking about turning it off but I didn't. Side note why does spell check give you no help in spell swastika or sieg heil if the reason is in some way to stop hate speech it's another thing that's done clearly because someone complained but serves no purpose other than make a small group of people think they done something great when all they have done is waste peoples time. Stop the stupid and use common sense.

Just dumb and dull

[drystyx · 3/10 · 18 October 2021]

Evil Nazis want a fourth Reich. Well, what else is new?

Not this movie. Some college professors are out to do something big, like find stolen Nazi treasure, and they meet this guy who is obviously deranged and trust him for advice.

Well, a bunch of gore and more of the "evil guys can't be killed" stuff.

Nothing fresh here. The characters are dull. One guy willingly allows others to escape while he serves as a doomed decoy, so that character might be the only interesting character in this whole movie.

It isn't high tech enough to be a "waste of resources", so it gets a pass for at least curing Insomnia.

Chocolate

[nogodnomasters · 4/10 · 3 October 2017]

Going after her doctorate degree, Julie Levinson (Melina Matthews) and friends use old books and maps to discover a secret site in the Pyrenees which contains stolen treasure and Nazi chocolate. The secret to the Nazi chocolate is shared later on. The place is rumored to be guarded by a commander named "Frank" short for....

I like the effect of having to rip open a woman's top before they take blood from her neck (opening teaser scene). But once ripped...won't it stay ripped? Just saying. Film picks up at 55 minutes.

Guide: F-word. sex. Nudity (Melina Matthews) Some blood and guts scene. One disembowelment and one head crush.

Better to spend your time chewing glass than watching this move.

[bxhanx · 1/10 · 15 March 2017]

I love B movies and especially B movie horror movies. I like those quirky kind of things and odd story lines.

With that being said... This movie is absolutely horrible by any standard. I'm the only one writing a review because no one watches this kind of drivel. There is no continuity with the story line. Even the gore isn't all that great. The Walking Dead has better gore than this "horror" movie.

Either the German accents are horribly distorted on purpose or it's just really lousy acting. This movie has no redeeming qualities. I'd rather got walk on nails than watch this movie again. The director must have slept through the filming because it appears to have no one directing it.

I can't believe it even went to DVD. It should have been trashed and burned in the film room.

Better than expected!

[knifebat · 25 March 2021]

I got this at the dollar store, I was expecting it to be worse than Sharknado. However I do like certain B-movies a whole lot, so I was a bit hopeful. There were others to choose from but I went with this one because it said on the cover of the box: PANZER A Most Horrific Interactive Experience Get the APP (see back) Then on the back of the box it says: But what makes Panzer so unique is that the film is interactive. Using a sophisticated cellphone app, Panzer becomes much more than anything you've ever seen. Ok so notice that the title is Panzer but it's also Panzer Chocolate. It seems like they had problems deciding. But never mind that, they actually advertise this as the world's first interactive with your cellphone feature. I mean how fun is that! I saw the film, I haven't been able to experience it the way it's advertised, I have tried looking for the app and can't find it, not even sure if the app was ever actually made. But I give it an A+ for the effort, it's such a neat idea, like in the old days where they used gimmicks like 3D glasses! The movie itself was better than I expected but I have to admit that my expectations were low as hell. Unfortunately we don't get the cool guy on the cover, but the film does deliver. Can we say Nazi Meth chocolates!!! (believe it or not, suppose to be historically true, you can look that stuff up online) There is a tiny bit of martial arts. Frankenstein's monster is thrown in! Yes it's crazy and awesome to just throw him in as a mindless brute of a soldier, he pretty much steals the show with his cool chain weapon! You also get a weird cult with the cult leader doing a great acting job (where in the world did they find this dude?), it's always neat to see an underground base, cute girl revealing her breasts. You can compare this to Frankenstein's Army, which is more intense and probably a better film, but this one is more enjoyable for me. Personally I wish they had made this super campy but I got to admit this was a fun ride, I admire what they were trying to do, multiple endings, and they even made a comic book for it. My dvd worked fine without the app and it just played like any other movie, but it would have been super cool if they put in all the extra stuff on the disc maybe for blu-ray so people can get the full experience without the app.

Three movies in one, and they all suck!!

[borgolarici · 4/10 · 28 April 2022]

The first third of the movie consists in a very slow and poorly thought investigation about some Nazi bunker ripe with stolen arts and assorted mysteries, then we have some typical wood slasher scenes. For dessert, we get around ten minutes of inane cult ramblings. The only interesting and scary part are the last five seconds.

This movie simply sucks, it could maybe barely work for a teen audience but I'm not even sure about that.

Misses Speed

[Tweetienator · 3/10 · 8 March 2024]

I love those 3rd or 4th Reich stories mixed with evil experiments and the occult since playing the Wolfenstein games. Therefore, I put Panzer Chocolate on my plate. First of all, the best part of the movie is the well-made poster design. As some of the few reviewers indicate, the trouble with this little B-movie flick is the timing - it takes 40 minutes of boring introduction until our heroes enter the bunker. The main problem is that all of this is redundant to the story. The way it's done fast and easy exemplifies a movie like The Cave (2005). The second part is also too slow for its own good - the last part is the only part with some redeeming quality of entertainment. What's left? The production and acting are sufficient for this kind of B-movie. Verdict: With a tighter script and some more elements of the slashing business, this could have been a solid entry. As it is, you may watch Panzer Chocolate if you are interested in that special kind of genre, and you could easily save some time by starting the movie around the 40-minute mark.