BoJack Horseman (TV Series)

The Telescope (2014)

Will Arnett: BoJack Horseman

Photos 

Quotes 

• BoJack Horseman : Hey, buddy.

  Herb Kazzaz : You come back for that vitamix, you...

  [coughs] 

  BoJack Horseman : Ooh, you should get that look at.

  Herb Kazzaz : Ha, yeah. I've been meaning to see a doctor.

  BoJack Horseman : Hey, I wanted to talk to you about... You know, I... feel bad, about what happened.

  Herb Kazzaz : So, you're apologizing.

  BoJack Horseman : Yeah, I'm sorry.

  Herb Kazzaz : Okay, I don't forgive you.

  BoJack Horseman : Herb, I said I'm sorry.

  Herb Kazzaz : Yeah, and I do not forgive you.

  BoJack Horseman : Uugh! Not sure you get what's happening here. This could be the last time...

  Herb Kazzaz : No, I'm not going to give you closure. You don't get that.

  [coughs] 

  Herb Kazzaz : You have to live the shitty thing, you did, for the rest of your life. You have to know that it's never ever going to be okay.

  BoJack Horseman : I really think that we'd both feel better if we...

  Herb Kazzaz : I'm dying. I'm not gonna feel better. And I'm not gonna be your prop so you can feel better.

  [coughs] 

  BoJack Horseman : You have to believe me, I did everything I could.

  Herb Kazzaz : Yeah, then why didn't you call me? Huh? Twenty years you didn't call me.

  BoJack Horseman : Look, I-I-I wanted to, but I didn't thin...

  Herb Kazzaz : You know what it was like for me? I had nobody, everybody left. I knew all those showbiz phonies would turn on me, sure, but you?

  BoJack Horseman : It's not my fault you got fired.

  Herb Kazzaz : I don't care about the job! I did fine, I had a good life. But what I needed then was a friend, and you abandoned me, and I will never forgive you for that. Now get the fuck out of my house!

  BoJack Horseman : I...

  [sighs] 

  BoJack Horseman : [walks out of Herb's room, pokes his head for a second] 

  BoJack Horseman : Yeah, this is a dumb question, but the gay thing and rectal cancer thing aren't related, are they?

  Herb Kazzaz : GET OUT OF HERE!

  BoJack Horseman : Never mind, stupid question. Forget I brought it up.

• Herb Kazzaz : [after a fight over a telescope]  You know what your problem is? You want to think of yourself as the good guy. Well, I know you better than anyone, and I can tell you that you're not. In fact, you'd probably sleep a lot better at night if you just admit to yourself that you're a selfish, goddamn coward who takes whatever he want, and doesn't give a shit about who he hurts! That's you! That's BoJack Horseman.

  BoJack Horseman : I don't why I came here.

  Herb Kazzaz : Yeah, you do.

• Herb Kazzaz : The show was never the same after I left, admit it!

  BoJack Horseman : Some people prefer the later years!

• Angela Diaz : I'm not gonna waste your time with small talk because you work for me, and your time is my time. We're letting Herb go.

  Angela Diaz , BoJack Horseman : I/you can't do that.

  Angela Diaz : I'm not asking you. It's nothing personal. I like Herb. I think he's a good guy. But this is a business and every day we don't fire him, we're flushing money down the crapper.

  Angela Diaz , BoJack Horseman : Well, if he goes, I/you go.

  Angela Diaz : I wouldn't do that. BoJack, I think you're a star, and sometimes, being a star means making tough choices. You can storm out, make a big show out of what a "good" friend you are, or you could be the guy who does his job.

  BoJack Horseman : Angela...

  Angela Diaz : I'll tell you when it's your turn to talk again. Look, you're a star, but this is really just the beginning of the BoJack Horseman story. You can choose whatever path you want, but I'll tell you right now. You don't win awards and you don't get to be on the covers of magazines and you don't get to play the lead role in the "Secretariat" movie by being a good friend. What's that old expression about how the show must go on? Oh, right. It's "Don't be an idiot." So what do you think, BoJack? That's a courtesy question. I already know what you think because I have conversations like this one five times a day. I know who you are, and I know you've already made your decision, but if you want to surprise me, now's the time to do it.

  BoJack Horseman : [no response] 

  Angela Diaz : That's what I thought. You're doing the right thing. I know it's hard. But if Herb's really your friend, he'll understand. Now, you've got a show to put on, so I'll let you get ready. This was a good conversation. Productive. If you're lucky, I'll never talk to you again.