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duncmoll
Reviews
How the West Was Won (1962)
Rip-Roaring-Rollicking Smoked Ham History Sliced Thick
I sat through this 3-ring circus of a movie over the New Year's holiday, and found it to be unintentionally (I suppose) hilarious and wonderfully entertaining (minus any musical scenes). Don't expect accurate history, but a very high-level, broad brush treatment of significant events as seen through the eyes of the many mid-level and main characters. For me, nothing in "How the West was Won" (HTWWW) compares with the performances of Karl Malden as the pioneer patriarch and Walter Brennan as the fawning, evil river pirate. When the melee' breaks out between trapper/philosopher Jimmy Stewart, Brennan's pirates, and Malden's maulers, the real fun begins! Talk about powerful gunpowder. The Battle of Shiloh sequence, with its "creek of blood" and John Wayne as W.T. Sherman is very wooden to me, but the filmmakers had to account for James Stewart's character's death somehow. On the other hand, Richard Widmark, as the hard-bitten, wry, railroad boss is another case of perfect casting. Widmark only had to play himself here, and probably loved every moment of it! The film overall is very episodic, and necessarily so, given that we're trying to cover sixty or seventy years of western expansion. But if you're a-hankerin' for some big big screen mind-bending cinematography and for some pseudo-historical jerky, HTWWW is a fun pic. At the end, Spencer Tracey's narration intones the praises of our "progress", while we see modern scenes of crowded California freeways. Makes me want to head East. :-)
Guilty Hearts (2002)
A Thoroughbred in the Lifetime Movie Stable
Watching Lifetime Movie Network is one of my secret enjoyments, and "Guilty Hearts" is, to me anyway, the shining epitome of LMN's "true/based on a true story" variety. LMN always shows it in its entirety (3 hours), so it lasts 4 hours with commercials (a veritable Godzilla of a melodrama). If you enjoy above-average acting, a storyline which draws you in, and characters who are neither all-good or all-bad, then "Guilty Hearts" is an entertaining way to spend an afternoon. Marcia Gay Harden plays Jenny Moran, church organist on Sundays, mother of 3, and wife of the sometimes surly, seemingly insensitive Matt Moran, played perfectly by Gary Basaraba (who just likes things as they are in his home). Jenny, however, is a simmering crockpot of spousal neglect and an artistic spirit who longs for a soulmate. SO, Jenny does the LMN thing: she leaves her husband and moves in with her mother, telling Matt she "just wants out!". Matt, of course, is stunned, since he hadn't really spoken with Jenny in 8 or 10 years, and takes everything badly, virtually kicking her out of their home. Now, enter Dr. Stephen Carrow, portrayed by Treat Williams. He, his wife, and Jenny attend the same church, and it isn't long until he and Jenny discover their shared appreciation for classical music concerts and holding hands in the local art museum. As Matt fumes back home, Jenny and the Doctor consummate their affair, planning to divorce their spouses and marry. Not likely. Around Christmas, someone slips into the Carrow mansion and at midnight and rather callously blows Ms. Carrow's brains out (quicker than divorce, but frought with red tape). Whodunnit? Everyone's a suspect until Carrow casually confesses. The larger problem is that the Jenny/Carrow affair becomes public news, and Jenny cracks under the strain, swallowing a fistful of pills. At this point, Matt, who realizes that he still loves the unfaithful Jenny, carries the day. He reforms himself into a more sensitive LMN husband and helps Jenny find the strength to testify against the evil, manipulative Carrow, who is found totally guilty of snuffing Ms. Carrow. At last, the Moran clan is back together, with Matt and Jenny pledging to forgive each other and to listen more actively.
Casablanca (1942)
Dated, pre-war drivel
First, the cast - full of those annoying "comic-relief" that studios stuck in every movie from the 30's. Yes, I said the 30's, because Casablanca is much more a product of that decade than the 40's, which would deliver some truly great films. Those "funny" characters make Casablanca more like a menagerie than something with an intelligent plan. Humphrey Bogart - a great actor in The Caine Mutiny, Treasure of the Sierra Madre, and even Petrified Forest...but not here. Totally unbelievable and unconvincing as a romantic lead. He doesn't even deliver as an anti-hero in this worn-out, overrated piece of pre-WWII propaganda. Ingrid Bergman - a beautiful lady, and a hundred times better in everything else she did...but a cartoon here. Claude Rains - typical 30's supporting role...goofy, but with a big heart; goes "straight" in the end. 30's nonsense.
The story - lame and predictable. Why did people love Casablanca? Because it stirred their patriotism at a time when Germany was threatening to bulldoze Great Britain and everywhere else. It never was a great, much less an exceptional film.
Nowadays, Casablanca coasts along on its shaky reputation, held up as a "masterpiece", but smelling like the aged soaper that it is.
Broken Silence: A Moment of Truth Movie (1998)
One of my favorite bad movies
When I first saw "Race Against Fear" (don't you just love LMN movie titles?), I had to keep scratching my head. Was this meant to be serious? Why couldn't the main character even run like a normal person running, much less like a star runner? How did I know that the coach was evil only 1 minute into the film? All of these questions, and no answers. Then, I just let the inane script and the awful directing just carry me away...it was easier not to resist...then the film became funnier by the minute, and I now rank it among my top ten junk movies from LMN. Some have said here that Ariana Richards is really talented but that the material was flawed - I heartily disagree. Not only can she not convince me that she's an athlete, she's walks wide-eyed through the rest of the story, like she's just landed on earth. Maybe the coach broke out of prison and finished her off...at least I hope so.
Cyber Seduction: His Secret Life (2005)
Addicted to Lifetime?
Friends, I have a confession: LMN movies are SO preposterous and implausible that I can't stop watching them!!! "CyberSeduction" was my 5th straight LMN movie today...and it was the most hilarious.
STORY: Otherwise successful high school guy experiments with adult websites and immediately transmogrifies into zombied moron, saving images anywhere and everywhere, skulking around at 2:00am to peek at more sites, guzzling gallons of high-caffeine energy boosters, distancing himself from his squeaky-clean original girlfriend, dragging his poor younger brother down the same horrific road to ruin, "hacking" into the library's computer, lifting his Mom's credit card to get yet MORE "porn", lying a WHOLE lot to everyone, almost rolling with a senior class porn star, getting the everliving crap beaten out of him, and generally tying his Mom's undies in a big knot. Lifetime parents are usually always jackasses, especially dads, who are normally villains or molesters of some sort. Women are always shown as strong and in charge, albeit somewhat technologically challenged. My favorite scenes: watching the lead, Jeremy Sumpter pretend to be a fast swimmer and the porn CD that was conveniently labeled so Mom could crap in her pants when she finds it! This is a classic movie if you want to laugh your "warped #ss" off!
In a Lonely Place (1950)
Mixed Bag of Noir
"In a Lonely Place" has a couple of factors going for it: 1) I think it has a great script, and 2) Gloria Grahame in her prime. Bogart himself is always interesting to watch, but his character here is so unappealing that you don't feel much sympathy for him. This film could've been one of those ground breakers by dealing openly with a mental illness, but we get a "soft crash landing" instead. GG is one sexy lady as Laurel, and the supporting cast, except for the thespian friend, is in great form. As I said above, the writing seemed topnotch to me, and the film had more potential than it realized in the end. When Bogart was "on", as in "The Caine Mutiny" or "African Queen", he was a great actor, one of THE greatest, but this effort looks like something he almost did in his sleep.
As Good as It Gets (1997)
Return to Terms of Endearment
James Brooks is clearly at the center of this mess. First, he dishes out the totally lame Terms of Endearment, then he goes back to the same formula of TV-like performances, to the oohs and ahhhs of the Oscar voters, to give us As Good As it Gets, which could almost be its cousin. What is the attraction for these over the top, unrealistic performances?? Nicholson was leading actor in both, and they both stunk. As Good As it Gets goes on forever, like a bad soap opera that won't end, just like "Terms" did. All three leading actors have done so much better in other efforts, but I put the blame on "Mary Tyler Brooks" for making this pastiche as nauseatingly bad as it is. These two movies make a good case for having chimpanzees choose Oscar winners.
Reptilicus (1961)
An Accidental Masterpiece!
First, let me say that there was no way that anyone associated with this project could've understood what they would create in the end. Forty-two years later, and people are still asking: "What in the heck were these folks doing?" Now, very few works of "art" have that kind of staying power. Of course, it's a low-low-low budget, early 60's monster/sci-fi flick. But at a deeper, more existential level...just kidding! The thing about "Reptilicus" is that it's so consistently awful from start to finish, and that's what makes it a true gem, in my opinion. I can't believe there aren't any entries in the "Memorable Quotes" section for this movie. Who can forget Carl Ottosen (as Gen. Mark Grayson) asking himself: "When am I going to be released from this hell?" An ambiguous line if ever there was one!! And how many branches of the Danish armed forces are there anyway? In this movie, I counted about 12, judging from the assorted uniforms. Then there are those 2 Danish blondes who shadow the Professor (between his 5 heart attacks) everywhere. And these are the same ladies who mix everything but their earrings into the last ditch concoction (almost a gallon!) which finally brings down the rubbery reptile, sort of. Copenhagen in October never looked so...cardboard and gray and filled with 300 Copenhagers running up one street and down another, not quite in terror, but briskly, and smiling a little. The director must've grabbed these folks out of their church services and shoooed them down the avenues to cut yet another corner of expense. I can't forget the fantastic scene at the drawbridge where the operator raises the bridge to keep Reptilicus from using it (as if he cared), only to send scores of Danes hurtling to their certain deaths as the bridge parts in the middle! The operator then appears to have something akin to mental breakdown over his fatal decision!! But the over-acting award goes hands-down to Carl Ottosen. This guy bites off and chews his lines like they were bars of lead. Only constipation could explain such an agonized delivery, over and over again! If you like plenty of stock Danish newsreel footage, you'll get your fill. Lots of "disasters" where Reptilicus has struck, and lots of vintage military celluloid showing Danish forces setting up positions anywhere and everywhere at the drop of a hat. The whole grand journey ends with incongruent festive Danish music, and Reptilicus' severed claw scratching around the ocean floor, threatening the sequel that never happened. It's pure junk, but like that claw, it just won't die!!!
The Core (2003)
Makes My "Endlessly Watchable" List.
This film, while supposedly short on "hard science" to back up its premises, is nonetheless full of action, interesting characters, excellent special effects, and a dynamite score...no, it doesn't have that. In fact, I'm not sure if there IS a score. But no matter. Watch this movie for sheer entertainment; leave all of your embedded formulas from high school at the door, and just let these quirky characters do their stuff. I liked Stanley Tucci as Dr. Zimsky (he HAD to have a name like that, you know), the egocentric genius and expert on THE CORE. Tucci plays this part full-bore, and it's fun to watch him shade the different sides of the Zimsky character. Brazzelton, played by Delroy Lindo, comes in second on my list. He lives through his "ship", and he's totally down to earth, so to speak. The guy who played Serge, I forget his real name, was interesting with all of his philosophical musings about everything, and his little family at home. Less memorable are Josh and Beck and Rat. The Josh guy (oops!) is pretty credible, but Hillary Swank is only so-so as Commander Beck Rogers, or whatever her character's name is. DJ Qualls as the hacker, Rat, is the King Kong of stereotypes in this movie, but like I said, they weren't filming this one to knock off "Citizen Kane" from its perch. Watch it for laughs and for some good lines and some curious situations.
Oh, I liked the guy who played the top general, too. He carried himself well, and wasn't too stereotyped. MAYBE A SPOILER HERE ->
Best scene: Zimsky goes berserk and is bopped by Brazzelton. Best line: "Let's see, it's 9000 degrees in there, and our suits are good for how much? 4000? That means that whoever goes in there isn't coming out." Best looking woman: None. Swank is tooooo thin and angular for me. 2nd Best scene: Serge is flattened like a crepe. 3rd Best scene: The VIEW from the GEODE! How DO they do that? 4th Best scene: Iverson parts his hair with a crystal shard, then falls SLOWLY into the waiting million-degree magma!! Dumbest line: Most anything Swank utters.
Entertainment value = 8.0/10.0
The Magnificent Ambersons (1942)
A treasury of characters
If you think Citizen Kane is wonderful, then, if you haven't already seen it, find a copy of "Ambersons" as soon as you can. To me, "Ambersons" surpasses "Kane" in complexity and perhaps richness of characters. The story of the long-term results of love deferred, unrequited love, and long-suffering love, are even more interesting with Welles' direction using overlaid dialogue and odd camera angles. My favorite part is when old Major Amberson speaks to the camera and it becomes apparent he's lost his mind. Chilling. The Ambersons captures a time more than a century ago in America when passions were suppressed and civility masked a boiling interior. This film was edited severely, I've read. This is another mystery, because the remaining footage is superb. We can only wonder what the original "Ambersons" might have been.