Floop1977 Reviews

The Haunting of Bly Manor (2020)

Irredeemably bad. Dreadful writing, acting, plotting, everything.

[1/10 · 10 November 2020]

Honestly, The Haunting of Bly Manor is the most ponderous nonsense I have ever spent time watching on television. The writing is appalling, striving for something profound but never even getting close. The characters, their motivation, and the storyline are so superficial and barely explained that it shouldn't be a surprise that none of it makes sense on almost any level. The acting is the worst kind of dodgy, particularly from the adult leads, who exhibit no subtlety or nuance, it is as if they have been directed to behave in as histrionic and over the top fashion as possible; and this is before you mention the accents which are so inconsistent that it would be laughable, except there's nothing funny about how bad this is. Truly, truly, this is devoid of any artistic merit and anyone who claims otherwise is deluded. It frustrates me that the lowest score I can give this is 1 out of 10 stars, because it isn't even worth that. Your time would be better spent watching paint drying.

Escape at Dannemora (2018)

Excellent acting, but overlong, and frankly an inconsequential story

[4/10 · 20 September 2020]

I'm unclear as to why there are so many glowing reviews of this. I will gladly concur that the acting was excellent by all the main players, but the piece has two serious problems, at least for me, that are intertwined. The first is that this story doesn't warrant an eight part limited series (I believe it was shown in 7 parts in some territories). The story of the Chernobyl nuclear disaster was told in epic fashion in just 5 episodes, and is of global consequence; this was told in 7 or 8 episodes, and is the story of two lowlife criminals who planned a prison escape, along with the story of the dimwitted prison staff who helped them. I'm not sure why I should care about this story. The second related problem is therefore that it's really rather dull. There are lots of lingering shots of scenery, or people's faces through bars as they emote moodily, but really it's just filler to fill up time so there are seven / eight episodes. It's a production as flabby as some of the characters. Overall, I'm frustrated I invested this much time, as I was expecting something more, or something of substance, but I got a slight tale, with nothing particularly meaningful to say beyond "hey, this happened".

Defending Jacob (2020)

Terrible.

[1/10 · 2 June 2020]

All the glossy production and famous names can't hide the fact that this series is dreadful. The writing is weak and the plot ludicrous. Truly one of the worst things I've ever watched. I want the hours of my life I wasted watching this rubbish back.

The Alienist (2018–2020)

They've overindulged on the sets and costumes, but the writing and acting lacks any depth

[4/10 · 21 April 2018]

The Alienist is a period drama, but it is so consciously a "period drama" that every camera angle, every acting choice, every morsel of dialogue, can't help but obtrusively scream at you "LOOK AT ME I'M A PERIOD DRAMA, HOW PERIOD-DRAMA-EY AM I THEN?", as if viewers might be unaware, or have ever watched a period drama previously. Is this because viewers of Netflix in the USA may be less familiar with this type of production? Everything here conspires to undermine the aesthetic they are so forcefully going for, leaving you with the perception of a project that has been funded massively, to craft sets and costumes with great intricate detail, but which exist in a world that ultimately rings fundamentally hollow due to its lack of nuance. Furthermore, this type of thing has been done more deftly, and more successfully before - The Knick, Ripper Street, Peaky Blinders, Penny Dreadful, Boardwalk Empire, Taboo - and indeed many of the actors in The Alienist have appeared previously in period projects, playing more well drawn characters than are seen here. The issue is that The Alienist is peculiarly over designed when it comes to the visuals, but terribly undercooked when it comes to the flat, predictable, unsubtle exposition-laden writing, which includes many anachronisms that are also present in the acting choices, leaving the whole thing looking like a bad pantomime to the point where I often feel like giggling at the ludicrousness on show. I keep waiting for the Little Britain character Emily Howard to waltz into the scene and declare "I'M A LADY! AND I DO LADIES THINGS!"

Noah (2014)

This film is absolutely dreadful.

[1/10 · 18 April 2014]

I have just watched "Noah". I feel duty bound to inform everyone I know to STAY AWAY from this miserable, vomitous, excrescence of a film. Every aspect of this film was dreadful. I hated it. It has taken the top spot on my list of "Worst Movies Ever". I recommend you do something more useful with your time; options include painting a wall and watching it dry; sitting outside and watching the grass grow; staring at your own bellybutton and watching dust accumulate. The acting was terrible. The script was terrible. The music was terrible. The CGI was terrible. The plot was terrible. The length was terrible. It was a series of conjoined CGI set pieces with offcuts from the Transformers movie, punctuated with Ray Winston being Magwich from Great Expectations, 27 separate scenes of various women mewling painfully, a detachable escape pod on the ark a bit like in Star Wars and various James Bond films, and 73 different hairpieces for Russell Crowe.

Save your money. Save your time. Save your sanity. Steer clear from this movie.

The Bourne Legacy (2012)

Fantastic entertainment and intelligently made!

[9/10 · 14 August 2012]

I loved The Bourne Identity. The Bourne Supremacy was also really good. The Bourne Ultimatum was enjoyable, but the weakest of the three. And now we have The Bourne Legacy - which is Bourne back on form!

I thought this movie had a brilliant story and script - it was an intelligent follow-on from what has gone before with the Bourne movies. It's not a reboot, it's a logical "what would happen next, given Jason Bourne's actions in the previous films?" and so it is a great jumping off point.

The casting and acting is first rate, and I was genuinely on the edge of my seat because of what an intense and thrilling movie it was thanks to the work of director Tony Gilroy.

I highly commend the movie to anyone who enjoys an intelligent and exciting movie. First rate. Bring on the next chapter in the story, please please please!

The Steam Experiment (2009)

This is the worst movie I have ever seen.

[1/10 · 3 December 2010]

Let's keep this short and sweet. This movie is a total disaster. The plot makes no sense at all. The acting is dreadful. The writing is appalling. The music is absurd. The production must have been disastrous, as the movie is only 90 minutes long yet there are an enormous amount of padded super-slow-motion scenes. One scene was over FIVE MINUTES LONG, of nothing but actors gurning in slow motion while some pompous over-bearing music droned on. The ending is ridiculous. All in all, a total fail of a movie. I would have rather watched adverts for 90 minutes. The people involved in making this should never be allowed to make another movie again.

15 Minutes (2001)

Fifteen Minutes... would have been too long for this movie.

[1/10 · 4 April 2001]

Someone once said to me "Do you know what I thought when you

came in the door? Nothing. You made no impression on me what

so ever."

Quite an impressive put-down I thought (fortunately in jest in my

case). I wish this film made no impression on me what so ever. I

would like to never discuss it, think about it, just disregard and

move on. Instead, I am sat here as therapy.

I don't want to castigate a first time director and frankly, I doubt that

I could make a fisting of commanding such a surprisingly famous

cast, but the end result is simply utter dross. Cliched drivel. Bitty,

over-acted, under-acted, boring and pretentious.

Under the 1974 Trades Description Act something you purchase

has to be fit for the purpose for which it was sold. My purchase of

this cinema ticket was intended to provide entertainment; it did not.

And instead, it provided me with one of the most nauseating and

painful experiences I have ever had the misfortune to live through.

In the words of Meatloaf "Life is a lemon and I WANT MY MONEY

BACK".

Oh, and what about the soundtrack? And what was Frasier Crane

doing there? And Commander Ben Sisko, aka the poor man's

Samuel L. Jackson, Avery Brooks? And the 'blink-and-you'll-miss-it'

irrelevancy of Charlize Theron?!

In conclusion, this movie was a waste of my life. Watch it at your

peril. And don't come running to mummy when you realise the

truth.

Unbreakable (2000)

Great Movie - Pity about the Last 10 seconds!

[8/10 · 1 December 2000]

Wow - what a great movie! The plot of this movie, which is based around the hypothesis that comic strip is a form of history telling, and that it's characters have some sort of basis in reality - i.e. people with great strength, or special powers - is pretty far-fetched, as serious movies go.

However in the hands of M. Night Shyamalan, the pace of the movie rarely falters. His skill as a film maker is evident throughout, with exceptional camera work and direction - he has really brought excellent performances out of Bruce Willis and Samuel L. Jackson, actors who when left to their own devices have shown tendencies to merely 'be themselves'. Also noteworthy is the performance by Spencer Treat Clark as the son of Bruce Willis' character, which is moving yet restrained, which must have been difficult after the pressure of following Osment's turn in the 6th Sense.

I liked the ending, apart from the last 10 seconds which were dreadful and I cannot believe the director insisted on the 'text epilogue' which is given. In movies which are clearly not based on real life events, it is utter stupidity to have a text epilogue which suggests what happened to the characters, it would have been much better simply ending - why spoil a mesmerizing, thoughtful film by asking us to walk out of the cinema with that thought in mind? Similarly this occurred in a much less good film, Rules of Engagement, but with similar results.

I did however like the general end of the movie, and would recommend it to everybody. Many people are unfairly bashing this movie and comparing it to the Sixth Sense, but in my opinion, it is a very well made, intriguing film.

Almost Famous (2000)

This film leaves you feeling great.

[10/10 · 10 September 2000]

This thinly veiled semi-autobiographical account of a period in the life of Cameron Crowe, the director of the movie, is a different, offbeat, truly worthwhile movie. Very well acted, very involving, and you'll come out happy - because this film is real. Forget Bruckheimer's explosions and the pretentions of Kubrick, this film is honest, funny and inspiring, because it is about people - the way people interact with each other and the motives behind the actions. Go and have a good time.

Shooting the Past (1999– )

Extremely thought provoking; brilliantly acted, directed and scored.

[29 June 1999]

This series was extremely good; it tells a somewhat quirky tale of a photographic collection which is threatened by an American who wants to build a business school, who is not interested in the photos.

However, it's not as cut-and-dried as the above suggests. The American is not a card, he is an understandable character, as are all the others, and we share their feelings at every step as we begin to understand exactly why these photographs, of no-one in particular, are so valuable.

If this comes out on video, which I doubt it will sadly, I will be first in line.

Kolya (1996)

Magical performances in a touching film

[9/10 · 19 April 1999]

Take the old formula of two mismatched people being forced to live together, and rejuvenate it by losing the cliches and adding excellent script and direction, and utterly superb acting by all the cast, especially the two leads (the grouch and the boy). The characterisations are just spot on.

Whenever I see films like this I end up both very glad to have seen such an outstanding movie, and extremely irritated that practically no-one knows about this gem of a movie, yet films like 'Godzilla' rake in money.

My thanks to all involved with this movie; you have produced a work of art.

Shallow Grave (1994)

Excellent black comedy that will make you LAUGH!

[10/10 · 19 April 1999]

What a great movie - superb performance by the three central players, a tight script, a surprising ending. Miss this at your peril!

Plunkett & Macleane (1999)

Period drama comedy romp, done in modern style to appeal to the 1990s cinema goer

[6/10 · 15 April 1999]

Plunkett and Macleane rob from the rich and... well... they keep it. A working class apothecary and a genteel upper class vicar's son team up to get rich, and find beautiful women along the way.

Nothing new there, but what makes it special is the irreverant style - anachronisms are everywhere, but intentionally, never more so than with the highly innovative score by Craig Armstrong which really adds to the film. Mention must be made of the Earl of Rochester; Alan Cumming is hilarious as the ridiculously camp society fop.

In a few places, it seems weakly directed with a few choppy scene/style changes, but overall an enjoyable film. It won't win any Oscars, but not bad for a first attempt by Jake Scott.

Great Expectations (1998)

Stylistically good, but ultimately a failure

[4/10 · 13 April 1999]

Remember what Baz Luhrmann did for Romeo and Juliet? He turned it into a bang up to date love tragedy for the MTV generation, while retaining the core plot and dialogue. And wasn't it brilliant.

Alfonso Cuaron has tried to give this version of Great Expectations the same kind of approach, but unfortunately it is not done as well.

It fails because while bringing the story up to date, they have lost much of the plot, they have tried to hide the fact that it is Dickens by renaming half the cast, and the actors give mostly uninspiring performances - okay, Anne Bancroft is good (if over the top in her nuttiness).

But De Niro - again - turns in a performance devoid of any character. It's simply De Niro, this time with a beard. But you don't see any characterisation. Ethan Hawke is out of his depth. Gwyneth Paltrow is good, though too frosty to be believable. Chris Cooper is cliched. The younger actors are quite good.

The set design is very good - the house especially, and the nice metaphorical touch of the roof having caved in later in the movie, when Finn (or Pip)'s life has also 'caved in'. The musical touches are good too.

But the script is naff. They have lost the magic in trying to update it, and as such I find it difficult to recommend (score: 5).

Empire of the Sun (1987)

My favourite film ever

[10/10 · 13 April 1999]

I cannot put into words how great I think this movie is. I first saw it when I was 11 (I'm now 22) and it made an incredibly lasting impression.

Spielberg has made some bad films... Amistad and The Lost World spring to mind. He's also made some very good films... Saving Private Ryan, Schindler's List. However, my personal favourite of his is this film, and it is one which very few people know about.

Based on the experiences of the author, J.G. Ballad, this movie is incredibly moving, and contains the most wonderful visuals, acting and score I have ever seen. I find it laughable that Christian Bale did not get an Oscar, let alone a nomination for his performance, surely one of the most assured performances by a child actor - he carries the film on his shoulders.

The cinematography is superb - those who have seen the film will understand will understand the air pilot salute shot, at the exact midpoint of the movie; and the score is beautiful.

I could go on for ever about this movie, but I won't. If you haven't seen this movie, do so - it is extremely good.

The Big Lebowski (1998)

Trying too hard to be quirky - and failing.

[1/10 · 4 April 1999]

I love the Coen Brothers work.

I watched all their films, and Fargo was in many ways the best.

However, their latest effort - The Big Lebowski - I found almost unwatchable. The Coen Brothers' films have always, shall we say, been quirky. This hasn't got in the way of good acting, a great script, an interesting plot, a relevant musical score, or excellent cinematography.

However in this film, the quirkiness got in the way of everything else. The plot is awful; the script is dire, with the dreaded 'f' work appearing at least once every five seconds (I'm not anti-swearing, but I do get intensely bored of hearing the same dialogue over and over again), the acting is uninspired - Buscemi is totally wasted, Bridges is irritatingly whining (though Tuturro is great, in a small part), the score is unmemorable and the camerawork is dull, except for the dream sequences, which seem forced, irrelevant and pretentious.

I couldn't wait for this movie to end. I also cannot believe that people honestly buy into the hype and liked this movie. This is NOT a good movie.

Arlington Road (1999)

Interesting, better-than-average thriller

[7/10 · 30 March 1999]

Okay, from the trailer I saw, this film looked really, real good. An interesting idea, based on paranoia, with Tim Robbins as the spooky guy. I loved Tim Robbins after 'The Shawshank Redemption', and to have him suggested as the evil guy - what a hook.

However, for the first hour of the film, I was getting increasingly worried - what I call the 'Kiss The Girls' fear, after my experience with that film; the trailer was really good, but the film was rather bland and uninspirational.

The cinematography is great; the build up is slow, but it adds atmosphere; Tim Robbins and Joan Cusack are simply wonderful as the neighbours - are they nuts, or just REALLY nice people?

However, the film suffers from weak, tenuous plot holes. You know the type, where Mr. A is trying to do something without the knowledge of Mr. B, and *suddenly* (shock!) Mr. B appears behind him, despite the fact that no-one heard him arrive on the scene, and there is absolutely no way that he could have realised what was going on and figured out that he needed to be there. This happens about five times during the movie, and while I can suspend disbelief, there were so many fortuitous 'coincidences' that I began to feel cheated, and was itching to shout 'oh purleeeese!'

Also, Jeff Bridges was not entirely convincing. I don't believe characters who shout hysterically and don't make any sense and alienate the people they are trying to get to understand them when it is absolutely imperative that they make sense, and that people understand them. Some overacting here.

However, the film keeps you guessing until the very end, which makes the second hour very good entertainment... I was on the edge of my seat! The second hour certainly redeemed the film, it keeps on getting better until the very cool finale.