rleather Reviews

Teddy Bears' Picnic (2001)

Bad PR for Bohemian Grove

[3/10 · 8 September 2007]

Its not a good film. It's not very funny.

But what's worse is that this is little more apologist piece on behalf of long term Bohemian Grove guest Harry Shearer.

Quite how this film managed to get made leads to some very worrying thoughts. Viewers might want to catch Alex Jones's "The Order of Death" for an alternative view of the goings on at Bohemian Grove.

But politics aside, is it anything more than a grown up a very of Animal House? I'm sorry to say it's not. In fact to be honest, it makes Animal House look like Citizen Kane by comparison and I can only imagine this would be because of the poor concept at the start of production.

Not very original at all.

So would I rent it (again)? No. Would I watch it on TV? (not again!).

Flight 93 (2006 TV Movie)

Not bad.. but ending contained surprise statement

[4/10 · 7 September 2007]

This is about as good as a TV movie could be on the subject. The acting, in general, is pretty good with only a few exceptions and the film plods along on an even keel.

One thing that did shock me (and lets face it, there can't be spoilers because we 'know' what happened) is the ending. When the FBI agents say they can't find the plane and that there isn't enough wreckage. In a mainstream TV broadcast, that totally blew me away. What are the makers suggesting. That Flight 93 didn't crash? That it was blown out of the sky? Compared to the rest of the movie, this was a startling statement.

My only problem with this and United 93 is that we don't really fully understand what happened, let alone what happened on board. It's all a fantasy. A hero myth to help us heal our memories of September 11th 2001.

Perhaps its time somebody had the opportunity to put forward an alternative view. Based more on what we DO know.

Flight 93 isn't that film. But it's strong for a TV movie and should be rewarded by a viewing for that.

The Eve of St. Mark (1944)

Not fantastic but worth a view.

[6/10 · 27 March 2007]

Run of the mill war time drama centering around the training and combat experiences of a small town farm boy.

The cast of characters are a block of defaults from every war movie ever created. Only the over dramatized, over the top performance of the hugely over written script really lower this into a cinema play of the worst kind.

The scenes in the nightclub when Vincent Price quotes Shakespeare are just dreadful.

First victim of war is Vincent Price's accent. But the time they are going to war he's lost his Southern drawl! Amazingly, the C.O. in Mash turns up when he's in his 20's and HE SOUNDS THE SAME! It's amazing.

Is it worth watching, well... if there's nothing better on. Otherwise, give it a miss.

The Producers (2005)

Not quite as funny as the original... for a number of reasons

[5/10 · 5 March 2007]

The Producers is a great film. That's the 1968 version. It was both funny, sexy and downright appalling all at the time time.

Then Mel Brooks made it into a musical and this was excellent. Great songs (some from the original film) lots of energy and so forth.

Then Susan Stroman, someone more famous for choreography, remade the musical of the film and it's flat. I mean its just got zero energy in it. Despite all the glitz, glamor and shiny teeth.

I love all the people in it, accepting that Broderick is no Wilder.

It should have been awesome.

But loosing the audience lost everything.

What a shame... but you should never try to reboil cabbage.

Revolver (2005)

Well, it's not Citizen Caine. But then its no 'The Animal' either

[5/10 · 5 March 2007]

It's pretentious, derivative and borderline codswhallop. But for some reason I just can't find myself totally disliking this film.

Critics gave it a total slaying. But then I think critics were all geared up for the act because of ever increasing indulgence on the part of Guy Richie. Swept Away should have been and even the reasonably hit of Snatch started the ball rolling.

Too much cockney gangsters and guns.

But Revolver is Guy's attempt of raising his game into the same territory as Bryan Singer's The Usual Suspects or Christopher Nolan's Memento and this is dangerous mistake because, without being too rude to Mr Richie, he's not in the same league.

Guy Richie should be making films like Transporter, pop-corn movies with pace. But for some reason he's turned his back on all of this and wants to create the Citizen Kane of gangster films. Well, he's toasted his career and I see his next project is for TV. Ouch.

S.S. Doomtrooper (2006 TV Movie)

Wow, I mean this is truly awful.

[1/10 · 5 November 2006]

I'm almost open to the idea that this is fact a comedy, because quite possibly its worst acted, scripted and directed film I've seen in a long time.

Think "Aliens" meets "Band of Brothers" meets "Robocop" via the computer game "Return to Castle Wolfenstein".

I just love the total lack of any authenticity; snipers stood in the middle of the road; machine guns that never run short of ammo. Fantastic.

As for the Doomtrooper. Hey, all they have to do is shut down the Playstation 2 its been rendered from and they will be sorted. Boy, does it look terrible. As do all the CGI effects. I mean the matte of the sea, with the fortress in the background. Its just awful! I like the idea of hiding in a house with all the lights on and no curtains.

But worse of all. The most terrible thing in all of this. Ben Cross. Dear, dear me.

Son of the Mask (2005)

If he were dead the Mask's dad would be spinning in his grave

[1/10 · 26 August 2006]

Truly one of the worst films ever made, attempting to trade previous good favor to the original for a fast book.

If you are even short of a good reason to never make a sequel, just site this.

It's not clever, it's not original and it's not even funny. Even 'The Mask' fails to impress, not because we are used to 'the effect' but because 'the effect' appears to have suffered a retrograde step in its development. What once appeared to be a plastic faced Jim Carrey, but was in fact makeup, not appears to be a wooden Jamie Kennedy painted green. He reminds me of a fence we used have.

Son of the Mask appears to have killed director Lawrence Guterman's career. There IS a god.

12 Days of Terror (2004 TV Movie)

Its Jaws, but not as we know it.

[7/10 · 22 April 2006]

Almost gentle version of Jaws, with all key elements still intact; the business officials refusing to close the beach, the one man fighting public opinion, the grief stuck mother.

Here's the thing, Peter Benchley based Jaws upon this true story. So whether you consider the 1916 attacks or Jaws as the 'original' is up to you. But to my liking the film has one to many 'replica' lines from the Spielberg classic. Including the salty sea-dog of a shark hunter.

Don't get me wrong, this is actually a very enjoyable film. But don't expect to watch Jaws twixt the Waltons, its better than that; including elements of politics of the time (America's continued resistance to join the war in Europe) and the class structure of rich and poor.

Interesting, very interesting.... but would you pay to see it? No, I guess not.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (2005)

Just not possible

[4/10 · 6 June 2005]

There are millions of comments going into this film and I can see why opinion is split.

Some people grew up with the long running and chaotic radio play. Some people remember the original BBC Radio series and others remember the books best of all.

But I can imagine this film only appealing to new fans of Adam's work because a whole set of preconceived ideas of character and plot have been established which are only broken and confused by this film.

The fact is that two hours is simply not enough time to squeeze in either a six part mini-series or a umpteen part radio play. But it would have been unacceptable to film produces to create a half finished plot. It's simply catch 22 and I have a lot of sympathy of the production staff in trying to do it.

What might have been better would have been to start as Hitchhikers does and then go onto a completely different tack. But without the writing talents of Douglas Adams, that would have been impossible.

So where does that leave us?

Is it a truly terrible film? No, not in the slightest. Is it a complete lash-up of the original? Absolutely.

Personally, I blame the mice.

Double X: The Name of the Game (1992)

Not the worlds worst movie ever made.... but certainly playing in the same cinema

[3/10 · 2 June 2005]

Well. I caught this on a new satellite channel called "Badmovies.com". What can I say, it's brilliant. In that its probably the worst film ever made. Well, there are worst. I could rattle off some bigger names, but why bother. You know them already.

Back to the movie. It's a stinker. Apart from the old 'bible stuffed in the shirt' routine to avoid being stabbed and the often hysterical dialog its just about the daftest plot going. But hey! He should have stuck with being Perry Mason's side kick.

My personal favorite part is the bullet that clearly must have gone through his left lung but only left superficial damage! Then he hops into a dirty cold lake with no affects. Must be a good diet or something.

Murder One (1995–1997)

One of the best of the 90's.

[10 September 2004]

Murder One has to go down as one of the best series on of the 90's. The first series plot has you going one way and another spotting one red herring after another, right up until the last episode.

Whilst I do remember the show well, I also remember is had a bit of a Scooby Doo ending to it, not entirely consistent with the previous 22 episodes.

According to the press, whilst it was a monster hit in the UK (and other parts of Europe) it died a death in the US. I'm not sure if that's purely academic propaganda, but the suggestion was that US audiences didn't like the idea of having to follow a series rather than encapsulated 60 minute stories. Who knows, all I do know is that the seconds series was a severe disappointment.

Clearly taking lead from some pressure state side, the trials became 3 episodes long, with little or no 'main plot'. UK audiences kept trying to piece together a bigger picture, only for there not to be one. As a result, it was widely criticised. Plus, the loss of Teddy Hoffman was a bitter blow. He'd become such a familiar feature of 23 episode run that when he wasn't there, it was never going to be the same.

Maybe it suffers a little from the X-Files factor. A second series was a mistake and it should have quit while it was ahead.

First series - Outstanding Second series - Fine for a rainy evening

Equilibrium (2002)

Something different for the weekend sir?

[9/10 · 24 August 2004]

In a world of ever repeatable, ever the same Sci-Fi 'epics' comes this little gem of a film.

It cost less the $20 million to make, which is quite a surprise given the quality of the film (despite minor 'goofs') but what really shocked was the quality of the performances. Bale is excellent as the 'soon to get' emotionless Cleric / Emotion enforcer and his transgression to the land of the 'feeling' via the breaking light of dawn is inspired.

Put together a few nice set pieces of guns and karate and the less than predictable elements that make this a break from the norm (expect to see people NOT being saved, let off, rescued etc) and this stands out from the ever decreasing Matrix sequels.

The score is of particular note, I understand it involved no orchestra and was entirely knocked up via a PC or Mac (or whatever). I bet that saved an absolute fortune!

Why isn't anyone else knocking films out like this?

Bale looks like a rising star, especially with the Batman film about to be released. I wonder if United Artist have pondered about him being the new James Bond? Or is that just me?

The Keep (1983)

It's horror Mike, but not as we know it.

[3/10 · 31 October 2003]

What hasn't been said about "The Keep." - Well, "It's a great picture" for one."

Scott Glenn gives an all time nadir of a performance. He's as wooden as the 'special' effects.

Ian McKellen struggles to hide his embarrassment.

Gabriel Byrne, by the end of the film, can't even be bothered to look too scared of the 7 foot demon (but then again who can blame him!)

Jürgen Prochnow plays Jürgen Prochnow superbly

Alberta Watson is from Canada.

I mean why nobody comments about Scott Glenn's purple eyes. You might think somebody might. And then there's Dr. Theodore Cuza's (Ian M) extraordinary recovery to good health that nobody seems to notice until the last twenty minutes. No wonder the Third Reich lost World War II. They all have terrible eyesight!

The musical score seems to have been mixed up with a different film (Risky Business perhaps) and manages to totally blow away any atmosphere. Which is a shame, because the film struggles to grab any as it is.

The dialogue, when it does appear, ranges for provocative to outright toe cringing. And then there's the fact that half of the film seems dedicated to watching Scott Glenn cross the country side on a motorbike in a half hearted Great Escape rip-off.

But the premise is good. Perhaps even the basis of the Castle Wolfenstein series of games. Nazis, black arts, demons let out of their prison.... you get the idea. So much promise, piddled down the drain of 1980's art over substance.

Perhaps, in the future, some brave new director may remake this (as Michael Mann re-directed ‘L.A. Takedown' as his immortal classic ‘Heat') only include a few non-essential extras such as a coherent plot, a script, atmosphere and the odd surprise.

You can only hope.

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner (1967)

Is it that brave?

[30 June 2003]

I'm often curious as to why a film gets a reputation, either good or bad. I've read the previous comments about how brave this film was or how badly it is written.

My only thought is this. When the male fiance is a highly educated and successful black man and his fiance is a white 'girl about town', is this really a statement of equal rights?

I don't thinks so.

The Last Detective (2003–2007)

No shouting, shooting or car chases. What a change...welcome mind.

[7 March 2003]

I'm 32 years old and somehow this reminds me of what I imagine Dixon of Dock

Green was like.

Each story is layered out with care and attention, good humor and the sort of warmth that only Peter D. can put into a performance. See his previous work in 'A very peculiar practice' or 'Meet the Braithwaits' for examples of what I mean.

It will never be as successful as 'Inspector Morse' or as breathtakingly fresh as 'Spooks' but to count these as negatives would be a mistake. Its like watching a favorite uncle telling a familiar and yet fascinating story. You know your in good hands and its very safe, but you just can't help but love it.

Its the St. Bernard dog of detectives.

Plunkett & Macleane (1999)

What? Has everyone gone mad...

[8/10 · 17 February 2003]

Well, I'm not about to add to the diatribe that's been 'preached' about this film.

All I can add is that at NO time does it even pretend to be a 'historic' picture. Unlike 'Braveheart', 'Titanic' or 'The Patriot' all of which have very credible and serious historical amendments, purely for theatric effect (possible the worst of excuses).

Has everyone taken a sense of humor bypass?

All I can add is a paraphrase from the good Captain Macleane - 'It looked

fantastic and we have a bloody good laugh'.

• One last point. What astonishes me is that there are comments relating to the 'modern music' in a historic setting. I wonder if the same people made the same judgment about Moulin Rouge. I suggest not.

Signs (2002)

Well.... what can you say!?

[3/10 · 10 February 2003]

Quite a lot has already been said about this movie already. Certainly, if its director/writer wanted to cause a stir of mixed opinion then he succeeded.

Spoilers Ahead.

Me? Well I went from being highly impressed with scenes such as when

Joaquin Phoenix sees the alien in Rio, the reaction being so good you jump with him. Then we have the sheer horror as he replays the clip. Such a memorable scene… and this marked the down hill point of the film for me.

Then we go over to the sheer insanity of the 'plot hole circumventor' UFO book that explains the alien ray-gun ban so 'mankind won't use nuclear weapons'.

Why bother? Given my next points…..

But most amusing of all is the fact that aliens with such an aversion to water seem to pick on a planet whose surface is 4/5s water and whose 'food source' is 70-80% water. Which also caused me some concern of the alien picking Rio in the first place. It's probably one the most humid places on the planet.

Oh, but while we're on the subject, lets not forget the susceptibility to large twigs.

You can imagine the scene on the mother ship. "We've taken over the entire Earth beloved leader" Shortly followed by "Hold on!! Oh, my god! Look out he's got a piece of wood! Run for you're lives!'

And would that ancient 'Arabian' or 'Eastern' attack method be smacking the scrawny sods with a bit of 2 by 4? One can only guess.

I think I laughed through the last 10 minutes of the film (much to everyone's annoyance) as these thoughts and more went through my mind.

I'm sure if I watched it again I would pickup the merit points. After all, there are so many good parts to the film in the opening parts. Plus the fact it didn't turn into 'Independence Day' was a bonus I feel. After all, this was a story about a family, about loosing (and then regaining) faith. I guess what it really is about is 'about time M. Night Shyamalan stopped taping 'shock endings' onto the end of his films. What did Hitchcock once say?

"I am a typed director. If I made Cinderella, the audience would immediately be looking for a body in the coach."

Die Hard with a Vengeance (1995)

Hurray! Back on track

[21 September 2001]

Somebody in Hollywood land must be listening.....

Lets face it. Die Hard 2 was a very disappointing film. I don't think Renny Harlin can be entirely blamed. After all, the script had sank to lowest level an action movie can go. "Paint the supporting cast as idiots to improve the hero". Just how many stuborn, stupid and lazy officials can one airport take?

Bottom line is, apart from looking and playing out in the best tradition of action movies, DH3 just didn't make you feel like you we're being walked through the plot.

Fantastic fun... but not one for the kids.

Freejack (1992)

.... its NOT a comedy?

[21 September 2001]

Sorry, but this has got to make the top 100 worst films of all time.

Who let Mick Jagger on set? I think the start is well done, action, tension... then Mick says "Get him!" sticks his lips out and half the audience bursts out laughing. Mick Jagger is 'credible' as a singer in the Rolling Stones. That's it.

What on earth Rene Russo, Anthony Hopkins and little 'ol Emilio are doing in this, I'll never know. But then I guess everyone needs money now and again. Reflecting on it, it re-introduced both Russo and Hopkins to Hollywood... which has at least some silver lining.

Sadly, Emilio has sunk without trace.... which is a shame.

Blade Runner (1982)

A classic.... but then so is Mary Poppins

[7/10 · 19 September 2001]

Not that I try to draw comparison with the two films, mind.

OK. Fact is, when you watch the film later in life its really not as good as you remember. Sure it looks spectacular, even by todays standards and production value shows in every shot. But the actual plot, portrayal of emotions and script do leave certain aspects to be desired.

Lets take for example, how does a man who is so obviously sensitive to the world get a job essentially killing ('artificial') people. It seems to so contrast with his character. In an early scene he voices (albiet in the over dubbed version) criticism of a police man being racist (the 'skin jobs' comment). Yet we are talking about a man who executes them. Surely I'm the only person to find this rather odd.

But am I nitpicking? Its more of a visual film than truly philosophical and the added 'noir talk over' does nothing but simplify the action for the easy viewing audience.

At least the 'directors' cut went someway to rectify the faults. No happy ending shot (to open car on a strangely clean and pollution free country road....). Plus the re-introduction of the idea that Rick Dekkard is a replicant himself, via the vehicle of the unicorn as dream content, metaphor, and finally, modeled in silver paper.

Having said that, the book wasn't terrific either. So what can you say?

Over rated? Yes.

But still not a bad film in any sense of the word.

The problem is that Science Fiction as a genre has been so badly served by its movie incarnations that people clutch at the better ones and escalate their worth. In my mind, that one truly superb Science fiction film has yet to be made.

Somebody add some thought provoking script to the visuals of Blade Runner and run the film at the speed of "The Matrix" and then we'll be talking.

One last rant. In the voice over version he say "Sushi, that's why my wife calls me. Cold fish".

Only problem is that Sushi means 'seasoned rice dish' or just 'rise dish'. It's Sashimi that's actually cold fish. You'd have thought he knew this.... woundn't you.

High Road to China (1983)

What went wrong!

[4/10 · 18 September 2001]

With all the will in the world this could have been a barn stormer. But then it was ALWAYS doomed for critical backwash.

The history of Tom Selleck and his tie to the Magnum contract that prevented him starting the Indiana franchise (and possibly ruining a decent film) is well documented. So much so that it almost appears as though this film was created as a consilation prize. "You didn't get Raiders, so here's some variation on the theme".

Sadly, despite the assitance of Brian Blessed (surely I was not the only one waiting for him to say "Indi, Indi!" alla John Rhys-Davies) it never got off the ground..... if you pardon the pun.

Still John Barry music good, if a little somber.

Oh and plot? Crape paper could take lessons from it.... plays out like a 1930's B movie, with all the trimmings. Mercilessly cut up for Sunday afternoon TV viewing during quiet summer months.

Still, only set Tom's movie carrier back 5 years... so can't be all that bad. And the ending. "No need to come out, all the value of the company is in patents". So a wasted journey.... You would have thought she'd have checked that before setting out and saved us all 2 hours.

Where Eagles Dare (1968)

Broadsword calling "Danny Boy...."

[8/10 · 18 September 2001]

Well, would late night TV be the same without this film being on at least twice a year. A damn fine classic in all senses of the word and underated greatly.

It never did have the all star cast of "The Guns of Navarone" but then it did have a decent plot, snow and Ingrid Pitt.

My Grandfather made me watch this film and I stared wide-eyed throughout... Would they make it? Who's the traiter? Could Ingrid's chest get any closer to her chin?

All fantastic school boy fun without a single dash of realism to spoil the fun.

Nice to cast my mind back to when the English played the good guys in films. Burton being perfect as the cold hearted and calculating but totally credible "Smith". An astonishingly young Clint Eastwood also brings something fresh to the screen.

Derren Nesbitt brings new value to the 'creepy Nazi' stereotype.

All in all, every bit as good as G.O.N. with less social comment and more action.