jlangbert Reviews

Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens (2015)

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

[7/10 · 24 December 2015]

Is it me or is this just the third installment of "Bad guys have a big gun and good guys need to blow it up?" Empire Strikes Back had the Death Star. Return of the Jedi had a bigger Death Star. Now you have "The Weapon," which is a gun that uses the power of a star. Really, is that all they could come up with after all these years? As for the special effects, I saw this in IMAX 3D and while it is visually appealing, it doesn't have any of those moments where you truly feel in the action with laser blasts or light sabers going by your head. I did like the way the new characters were woven into the old - it's a good mix of new, young, energetic, and attractive cast along with some comfortable characters from my childhood. All in all, there's no reason not to see this installment, but there's no good reason to line up for it, either.

3-Iron (2004)

This movie is inexplicably good!

[9/10 · 1 January 2006]

I find it hard to explain why I liked this movie. One nice thing is that it has almost no dialogue, which is a big plus for a foreign language film - no need to spend your whole time reading the bottom of the screen. And the fact that the leading male is very handsome, gives you one more reason not to turn away. But the real thing here is the great emotions shown with just an expression or two, and the great chemistry between the leads. Usually when a movie has such clearly good or bad people, it comes across as simplistic and trite (a-la-Steven Seagal). But 3-iron had me wondering about the pasts of these characters - really wishing for a prequel or flashback or something. But in the end, I wasn't upset that it was all left to the imagination. This is a great rental - get a good bottle of wine and relax - and enjoy.

Cellular (2004)

Phone Booth with a poor script

[5/10 · 23 September 2005]

Despite having a very handsome lead (Chris Evans), this is still a hard movie to watch. Not because of gore, but because of bore. Every action and turn of events is telegraphed. The door never just opens, you have to listen to the bad guy climb the stairs for a minute before. The cell phone battery low light flashes forever after the first warning beep, unlike any cell phone I've ever seen. A nd every actor is one-dimensional, either pure evil or pure good - no complexity here. I'm lost as to how Ebert & Roeper gave this turkey two thumbs up - it must be the beefcake. I'd recommend Phone Booth over Cellular, much more interesting script and better acting.

Sin City (2005)

Dark City with a bit more humor

[7/10 · 28 August 2005]

I must admit to never having seen any of the material this movie was based on. Never the less, I'm going to guess that it was a challenge to transfer to the big screen. On the positive side, I watched this the whole way through, only checking my watch once or twice, which is a good sign. The characters are all pleasantly unpleasant, and the film noir storytelling makes it fairly easy to follow along. However, with several plot lines, I kind of expected a better wrap-up at the conclusion, but not all movies are completely understandable on first viewing, so maybe I missed something. The film is shot in black & white, with a few colorations, mostly red and mostly blood, which gets a bit hard on the eyes after an hour or so. Regardless, this is a good movie to rent if for no other reason than it is different from anything else you will have seen lately. But watch it after the kids have gone to sleep.

The Wild Parrots of Telegraph Hill (2003)

Not bad at all

[8/10 · 7 June 2005]

I can't really explain why I liked this movie. There's very little drama, and not really a compelling storyline. Perhaps it's just kinda cool to see that birds really do have individual personalities, of a sort. And that there's a life story to each bird - some perhaps more interesting than that of some of the humans in the movie. The pace of the movie is steady, with just a few times when I got bored. One nice thing about this being a movie is that you don't have to smell the bird guy's apartment - it obviously was malodorous. No need to rush to the theatre to see this, it would be fine as a rental, so long as you have a decent sized TV.

Hotel Rwanda (2004)

Good, but could have been better

[6/10 · 27 May 2005]

Hotel Rwanda does a good job of glorifying the good in an African hotelier under terrible circumstances - kind of a black man's version of Schindler's List. It's all very believable, but I was left wanting to know a bit more about the background hatred of the Hutus and Tutsis. All that slaughter deserves a bit more than just calling the opposing tribes "cockroaches." At first, I thought of Cheadle as miscast for the role - too stoic and businesslike to be a savior, but he did grow on me a bit as the film ran on. By the end, I actually believed him. (Unlike Nick Nolte, who was miscast for his role. Oh admit it, he's miscast for every role he's ever had -- he just can't act.) I'm giving this one a 6: you probably won't regret renting it, but you won't want to see it a second time.

Latter Days (2003)

Run Don't Walk Away From This Stinker

[1/10 · 20 May 2005]

While the premise seemed like one with promise, the scripting and acting left me in pain. The only way this film got decent IMDb ratings must be from the "I'm gay and they're gay so I must rate it highly" camp. For a movie to succeed, stereotypes must either be broken or exaggerated. This film did neither. You are left watching really boring gay waiter/actors in their mundane lives, and Mormon morons (sorry for the redundancy) plying their prejudices. These actors aspired to become one-dimensional characters. It's never a good sign when you groan and no puns are in evidence, and I did a lot of groaning and watch-checking on this dog. If you want a better gay flick, check out any other gay movie ever filmed.

Sweet Sixteen (I) (2002)

English-speaking foreign film

[2/10 · 27 March 2004]

Although it sometimes seemed like the actors were speaking English, I couldn't make out a darn thing they were saying. I had the same problem when I visited Scotland, but at least in real life you can ask people to repeat themselves more slowly. If the movie had English subtitles, it probably would have been entertaining. Instead, I turned it off after 40 frustrating minutes. Although I did get to see one pretty realistic fight, which was nice. And the lead is cute in a kind of "Bad boy" way. I don't know how Siskel & Roeper gave this such rave reviews.

More Barney Songs (1999 Video)

Not as Grating as Most of the Other Barneys

[7/10 · 2 August 2003]

The songs on this one aren't as annoying as on some of the others. The trick to Barney is to have lots of them. We have this one in English and Spanish. And it allows you to immediately start the video -- some of the others don't and that's a big minus when the kids are crying. For example, Bob the Builder has what seems like two hours of forced previews. I threw that DVD out.

Barney's Night Before Christmas (1999 Video)

Don't buy this one.

[2/10 · 2 August 2003]

This Barney is not good. The tall girl is good, but the other kids can't sing. The set seems like a run-down high-school production. And what's the deal with slow songs? Kids don't want that. And the adults are geeks. I'm looking forward to when my 2 year-old triplets graduate to Pee Wee.

Elmopalooza! (1998 TV Movie)

OK but not great.

[5/10 · 2 August 2003]

I can put up with the bad acting. And the songs aren't all terrible. But why the slow songs? This is for kids. The best song is Mambo -- I end up playing it over and over -- the kids love singing along and shouting "Aye Aye Aye."

About a Boy (2002)

Sappy yet Watchable

[8/10 · 28 June 2003]

As I get older and now have kids, I find that I'm liking these sorts of movies more and more. Hugh Grant the hunk as a loser makes me feel better about myself. Actually, most of the characters exhibit major flaws, so I can really feel good about myself. Surprisingly, despite the obvious pleasant outcome, I didn't find myself staring at the clock (well, maybe once or twice). This is a good date movie guys, because you will look like quite a catch next to these people.

Sweet Home Alabama (2002)

cute, but nowhere near great

[6/10 · 25 May 2003]

I love Reese, but this is really a movie for junior high school girls. The plot is pretty predictable. The rednecks reminded me of the hicks in Sandler's Waterboy. Funny, but having lived in South Carolina, I know their true mean side and can't really laugh that hard.

Unbreakable (2000)

Good but Slow

[6/10 · 25 May 2003]

Great ending, but took way too long to get there. Kind of a bit less interesting version of The Sixth Sense. Haley is cuter than the kid in this movie, also. It is cool, however, to see how Samuel L. Jackson can take his persona almost anywhere.

Magnolia (1999)

Ouch - watching the this movie hurts!

[4/10 · 24 September 2002]

Great cast. Great acting. Unpredictable story line for the first half

hour or so. I was really wanting to know what was going to

happen to each of these unredeeming characters, and how their

seemingly disparate lives would become intertwined. But when

the writers took out the glue to start connecting the players, they

mistakenly used super glue and brought the movie to a standstill

for the last two hours. I kept thinking it would get better, but it only

got worse. Don't believe the reviews. This is a waste of time.

Think about it -- Tom Cruise made ugly -- why? The gorgeous

hunky bartender wearing braces -- why? I know it had to do with

the plot, but without them, at least there would have been one

attractive cast member to remember.

Showtime (2002)

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

[4/10 · 21 September 2002]

Dragnet without the sarcasm. TJ Hooker written for infants

(instead of toddlers). Lethal Weapon done as a junior high school

play. This is pure drivel. With that said, I must confess that I did

laugh a couple of times (almost as many times as I rolled my

eyes). Bottom line: don't bother unless you're 7 years old, related

to Eddie Murphy, or it's the last movie left at the Blockbuster.

In the Company of Men (1997)

Good acting. Bad premise.

[5/10 · 18 September 2002]

These are good, believable actors, except when forced to portray

the asinine guys with hearts of gold. I could have really enjoyed

this movie if I didn't have to spend so much time wishing the

original set-up for the plot had been set up realistically. But I will

admit the working environment in their office was well-done --

much better than Glengarry Glen Ross.

Leaving Las Vegas (1995)

Deep Dark Depressing

[8/10 · 11 September 2002]

It was fun to see Nicholas Cage in this role -- his monotonic voice

and flatliner personality fit this character to a "T." Much like "A

Beautiful Mind" put us inside a disease's head, so does "Leaving

LV." I could smell the stink through some pretty good

cinematography. There were a few slow moments, but I had to

keep watching. While not as unredeeming as the cast of "Trash,"

at least everyone in the movie was a loser, which makes for true

entertainment.

Almost Famous (2000)

Almost a 10

[8/10 · 5 September 2002]

This movie was definitely much better than its previews. The pace is good, as is the soundtrack. While the end of the story is somewhat predictable, the path taken to get there is entertaining. this is a good choice for a DVD rental.

Chances Are (1989)

Chances Are You Are Wasting Your Time

[3/10 · 31 August 2002]

Predictable plot. Simple dialogue. Shockingly unemotional performances. But Robert Downey, Jr. is so cute, I gave this "poor man's afternoon special" a 3 instead of the 1 or 2 it so richly deserved.

Black Hawk Down (2001)

Lots of action

[8/10 · 29 August 2002]

Lots of action, although it gets a bit repetitive about half-way through. And surprisingly "unpreachy" considering the setting.

This movie does a very good job of making you feel like you're really watching a real operation.

Girls Just Want to Have Fun (1985)

Could be called "No Sex in the City"

[2/10 · 25 August 2002]

This one is the worst of what the 80's were about. Bad dancing -- and I mean really bad -- as in clutch your stomach bad, not laughable bad. And a plot that has the audience saying "Who cares?" less than ten minutes into the flick. Makes a Harlequin romance seem like Shakespeare compared to this drivel. No one could like this movie, not even Helen Hunt's mom. Save the four bucks and rent "Sex in the City" instead.

The Royal Tenenbaums (2001)

Possibly the worst movie ever

[1/10 · 7 August 2002]

Did I see the same movie that everyone else rated so highly? This is a tragic waste of a talented cast. The plot, if you could call it that, was plodding. The storyline, uninteresting. The characters, one-dimensional. Actually, make that zero-dimensional. I can't say what happened at the end, as I fell asleep after an hour of the torture of trying to stay awake. This movie makes a monotone Yom Kippur service sermon seem entertaining. Bill Murray is one of my favorite actors of all time, and I will forgive him for this mistake. Maybe he just needed the money.

Legally Blonde (2001)

A Poor Man's "My Cousin Vinny"

[5/10 · 19 November 2001]

"My Cousin Vinny" is a classic story of unexpected legal brilliance in two very-ethnic everyday folks. Now take the seriousness of the crime (murder) and change it to a chipped nail on a Valley Girl, and you've got "Legally Blonde." It was painful to watch Reese Witherspoon wither on the vine, with a predictable plot, shallow supporting characters, and blindingly unattractive clothes. At least it was just a rental -- I would have hated to pay 10 bucks to see this B film.

Yi Yi (2000)

Too much angst

[5/10 · 8 October 2001]

While the characters are well-developed and the acting is superb, the plot itself leans far too much into angst, with very little positive to keep the viewers' eyes from wandering after about 45 minutes. I lived in Taipei for a while, and the movie does do an excellent job of capturing the spirit of the city, especially all of the drinking.