treefiddee Reviews

Jolt (2021)

which is worse?

[2/10 · 23 July 2021]

30mph chases with music faster than the cars or the primary school acting ability of Laverne Cox? The highlight of the film for me was the nice selection of T-shirts sported by Beckinsale, now is she taking these lame roles in badly directed films to work off some kind of debt to Bezos?? Greg Wallace popping up as Barry the villain was a welcome surprise though. If you are at a loss for something to do and don't mind terrible action then this is for you.

All in all its a very very tired story that deserves to be put into a vault and left there :(

Cursed (2020)

Poor leads with better acting in supporting roles

[1/10 · 27 July 2020]

I tried, i really did, even after a friend said they worked on it and to give it a chance. The lead roles are very well scripted but TERRIBLE choices in actors made them tired and unbelievable very quickly, Nimue was beige and flat by 20 minutes into the first episode, the fight scenes are badly choreographed with actors literally waiting for the strikes and blows of battle. This is basically a primary school performance with cheap cgi bonus (the camerawork is also good, I'll give it that)

Robin Hood (2018)

Chewing gum for the brain

[3/10 · 5 October 2019]

This is the finest example of terrible brilliance I think I've ever seen, it passes the time when you dont want your brain to do much, unfortunately mine didnt want to sleep and the inaccuracies are astounding, it all began for me at 1:30 in, the booby window? What the hell was that about? Nottingham wasnt a city till 1897 and didnt have a cathedral till 1850!! The rest I'll leave to you should you dare, it'll certainly give you something to talk about. Do NOT enter into this visage of modern historical if you are learned in any form of history or if you lack a sense of humour, minchin is fantastic and the cheeky to camera grin? Unmissable. I would watch this film again as it has its moments of comedy and the action is well directed, give it a go

The Ghostmaker (2012)

An absolutely brilliant bad movie, must see!!

[5/10 · 26 September 2019]

Non contact violence, bad make up, terrible CGI villain but the coffin? That thing is amazing and really well made!! The story is vague and a little obscure in places, some of which are funny, like when Sutton turned up at Julie's apartment she never once asked herself how he got up the 2 flights of stairs to knock on her front door. To rob the store he saw the combinations to safe and locks but where did he get front door key from? Oh the terrible goods but they are laughable which brought this up to a 5 star film, it's great if you need to pass some time or if you're studying film. I would recommend this as its enjoyably bad, kinda like a 1980s ninja film :) The twist at the end, fantastic!!

Spider-Man 3 (2007)

Oh dear god, Spidey went EMO!!!

[1/10 · 15 May 2007]

Seriously!!! toby cannot play a dark character in the slightest, as soon as the eye shadow and emo fringe appeared it went to pieces, everyone knows that he becomes Vemon so not technically a spoiler but OH DEAR GOD!!! What a waste of time, the entrance of said "symbiot" is totally wrong and just makes this piece of garbage a joke from the word go! What a waste of money, I wish I had a receipt so I could get my money back for "faulty goods", please please please take heed before viewing this appalling piece of cinematic detritus. If you want to watch a bad film buy a bad film, if you want to watch something good that is hero based please DO NOT entertain the idea of watching this, the venom storyline is as weak as the form into darth vader in ep III.

Reeker (2005)

It makes you die inside (spoiler inside that could save your life!)

[1/10 · 8 January 2007]

Q: What is the first thing you are told when writing an English essay? A: NEVER end it with it was all just a dream!!!

This has got to be THE worse piece of cinematic vomit ever to be put on general release, please, save yourselves an hour and a half of your life, Don't WATCH IT, the acting? shabby at best, the story? Huh?!?, the plot? Where did they go wrong?!?

The acrid stenchy-man killer smells so bad he himself wears a gas-mask, WHAT? If the south African girl had been Austrailian the ever so pun-tastic line of "you reeker" could have been put into play just to make it even worse, My girlfriend said this was good and I'm thinking of ending things with her as I hated it that much and resent her quite strongly now. If a 5 year old child is given a crayon and told to write a story it would have a more credible plot, story line and probably a better bad guy. The good of the film? oh yeah, nearly forgot, Michael Ironside is in it, briefly. Thumbs down, flush it down the bog, burn it in it's true nature, cover the damn thing in petrol and rid the world of the aptly titled "Reeker"

I would like to give it 0 out of 10 but sadly it's not an option.

X-Men: The Last Stand (2006)

Oh dear god

[1/10 · 3 December 2006]

So did anyone actually read through the comics before scripting this pile of utter pap???? I seriously doubt it. With a lets kill them, introduce that attitude this movie slopes slowly into the mire of disgusting disappointing garbage. "Woooo, we got new special effects to play with" seems to be the order of the day as far as this film goes, with a promising start the intrigue is set, sadly it does not continue along a similar line within the first 10 minutes, I have to say it was the biggest disappointment I have endured for quite some time. For Stan Lee to do his usual cameo in this I feel saddened, he must be going senile in his later years. For utter nonsense that is actually worth watching try Sky High on for size, it never sets out to be good and so becomes a thoroughly enjoyable flick, PLEASE do not watch this film if you like the original story!!! In short I hate this film with the passion of a thousand suns, I have purchased cheesy 80s ninja films for 50p that are better scripted and a lot more enjoyable, this is a blah blah blah snore-fest with fantastic special effects, that I'm afraid is it's only saving grace!

Stealth (2005)

Pure escapism

[9/10 · 21 June 2006]

You can read the long-winded over critical views of others but if like me you watch films for pure enjoyment and escapism then this is a diamond (a little in the rough), as for picking fault from the get go, pls stop, it's sad, pathetic and childish, I hate Tom Hanks but I still watch his films, just to see what they're like, I can understand people moaning about the whole firefox thing but hey, remakes are todays gold, fair enough it was a bit of a rip but this was original in other areas, a proper AI controlled craft that properly learns, wicked. As for working out who dies, who needs rescue etc.., get a life, I really enjoyed this film, it was action, peeps died, explosions, guns, big guns, bigger guns, stuff, things, in the end I will summarise. This is a good film if you want to escape the world for a while, if you are an analytical eeeeejit then don't bother, go watch some art-house flick and talk about how the mis-en-scene and juxtaposition are so crucial to modern film

Cold and Dark (2005)

Entropic

[1/10 · 21 June 2006]

Oh my dear god, please people, before slating any other film please watch this one first, who in their right mind eats a banana in the bath and then tries to feed some of it to their dog?????? What parasite? what happened in the freezer?? This takes ages to get started and by then interest ebbs away to the point where you just end up staring at the screen blankly. I thought Luke Goss was absolutely brilliant in the TV version of Frankenstein but sadly he seemed to lack any gusto in this bag of dead goats, who-ever wrote this seriously needs to choose a different career path as screenplays are Definitely not their forte. In short this film is an absolute must for either insomniacs or amateur brain-washers.It's dreadful!!