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jennigraham
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Cowboys & Aliens (2011)
Turn your brain off and enjoy
This movie is just a hell of a lot of fun.
It's bonkers and yet believable. Considering it took place in the UFO Capitol of the World, (Area 51 notwithstanding) New Mexico was the perfect place to shoot this.
The plot is engaging and the action keeps the story moving.
And what a fantastic cast! Clancy Brown, Adam Beach,
Keith Carradine, Olivia Wilde, Paul Dano! Sam Rockwell (as always) is outstanding and Daniel Craig plays an exceptional gunslinger and Harrison Ford has a blast playing the titular villain.
I'm really disappointed and surprised this movie wasn't better well received.
Turn your brain off for two hours and just enjoy the ride.
Madame Web (2024)
Sony...just STOP
What a bloody waste of time. Whoever greenlit this monstrosity and allowed it to be released should be fired.
Poor plotting, bad writing, terrible cinematography, horribly bad ADR, and (with the exception of Adam Scott), every single person in this movie acts like they'd rather be having major surgery rather than participate in this film.
I'm actually embarrassed for every single person involved in this project. No wonder Dakota Johnson switched agencies.
Sony, you're losing money on Spider-Man because you don't know what the F to do with it. Sell it back to Marvel, stop humiliating yourselves and cut your losses.
X-Men: The Last Stand (2006)
Agonizingly Bad
This is just a sad mess of a movie, and it made me angry at the story's incoherent carelessness regarding the characters.
Bad writing, sloppy directing, killing off Xavier and Cyclops? Having Rogue take the cure? Did any of the writers or director ever actually read an X-Men story?
The studio is to carry a lot of the blame, because apparently they never read an X-Men story either, and their insistence on certain things just makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.
I'm so glad that this film isn't accepted as canon, and that subsequent movies have erased this profound drudgery of disappointment.
Hellraiser (2022)
(Not) Hellraiser
Where the hell are the rules in this movie?
This movie is so bad on so many levels.
First off, we absolutely couldn't care less about Riley or Trevor, and the fact that innocent people were tortured and killed, despite not having anything to do with the box, or its transfiguration goes against all the rules set up in all the previous movies and the source material.
And how can the physical effects look actually worse than the original? The Cenobites look like they stepped out of a cheap Halloween store, and they were shot so darkly you can barely see them, so we know that it was just to hide the fact that they were just cheap.
I absolutely adore Jamie Clayton, but she was wasted here.
American Gothic (2016)
Awful
So much incredible talent was wasted on this POS show.
I had to stop watching this cringey show after a scene in the hospital where a character had oxygen flowing into their nose via a nosepiece. They weren't intubated, they weren't receiving any other treatments, but they showed someone pinching the plastic tubeline to cut off the oxygen and it was just so laughably unrealistic and stupid. A Google search will tell you that's not how it works. Just badly executed, and a waste of talent.
That's just one example of the stupidity and lazy writing in this show that could've had so much potential and it was squandered.
Soft & Quiet (2022)
Unsatisfying Torture Porn
I cannot believe I had to sit through this whole thing just to be left utterly unsatisfied at the end. Horrible people doing horrible things with a lazy ending.
I wanted to throw a shoe at my screen.
What was the purpose of this? Yes, perhaps Anne survived and actually makes it to the police. Are they going to believe her? Her attackers are "upstanding members of society" and they are white women who would have no issue with using their white women tears to paint Anne as the aggressor and themselves as victims. Anyone paying attention to history will know how that ends up. I myself, am a white woman, so I have first-hand experience with people like that.
Do you really think that that was a reasonable way to end your movie? Just awful.
The Greatest Showman (2017)
Rewriting the History of A Pretty Terrible Guy
Where to start? Sure, the songs are catchy, and the acting is great with a stellar cast. Doesn't negate the fact that Barnum was a conman who didn't really care about the people in his charge except to exploit them, not just in life, but in death as well.
One of his most egregious acts was when he bought an enslaved woman and pretended that she was once owned by George Washington. When she died, rather than let her go in peace, Barnum hosted her autopsy in a New York saloon where spectators paid 50 cents to see the dead woman cut up. Didn't see that in the movie!
Hugh Jackman tries to portray Barnum as a kindly smooth-talking Harold Hill-type when he was really just a cynical grifter. "Rewrite the Stars," indeed.
This movie is just an empty cloying confection of nothing to go with your popcorn.
Untold (2021)
Way too much screen time wasted on the bad guy
I did not know the story at all, and it really broke my heart. Manti Te'o is such a kind, talented soul, and he sure didn't deserve what happened to him.
I thought the documentary focused entirely too much on the catfisher (I'm not going to name them because they've already received enough attention) in the attempt to be objective, and it just seem like it was trying so hard to make them seem like a good person, when they so obviously weren't.
I just don't get why they gave them so much screen time. Watching them try to manipulate and make themselves out to be a good person was just jarring and unpleasant.
Black Widow (2021)
Overdue but Fun
This is a character-driven movie with action. And yes, it's female-focused, so all the guys out there hating on it because there's not enough testosterone can kick rocks.
I was really hoping to see Natasha's origin story, and I'm disappointed that she didn't have her own movie before they killed her off.
I thought this was a well-crafted film with a lot of heart, and I loved the chemistry between Florence Pugh and Scarlett Johansson. The family dynamic with David Harbor and Rachel Weitz was heartwarming, frustrating, infuriating and sad all at once
Yes, there could've been more with TaskMaster, but hopefully we'll see her again soon.
Inventing Anna (2022)
Inventing Fiction
This is a love letter to a scheming, opportunistic, manipulative, narcissistic, sociopathic con artist.
I think the filmmakers were mesmerized by Anna Sorokin and any attempts at neutrality flew out the window. She ruined lives and is utterly remorseless. Netflix reportedly paid Sorokin $320,000 for her life story rights, allowing the convicted felon to profit from her crimes and dictate the narrative and spin the story she wanted to tell.
This is an entertaining fiction, but I recommend the Vanity Fair articles if you want to uncover the true story.
Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy (2011)
Slow and steady storytelling
I love this movie! It's just so well-crafted, the acting and pace is hypnotic and seductive. Gary Oldman's understated dated performance along with a stellar cast just makes this movie watchable over and over and over and every time you discover something new.
Game of Thrones (2011)
Seasons 7 and 8 negated the entire series
In their rush to pursue other projects and their arrogance and selfishness in not handing the series over to other show runners and better writers, they ruined it.
We can forgive the fact that there were so many continuity errors and stupid mistakes like coffee cups and water bottles left in scenes. I understand that things were chaotic and crew members can be forgiven.
What is unforgivable is the unnecessarily furious pace, abandonment of plot points and lack of progress in key characters' arcs.
Having Dany turn into the mad queen was pointless, there was no hero's redemption for Jamie, Jon Snow's revelation that he's both a Targaryen and a Stark...and then Bran the Useless becoming King?
So much wasted potential.
I wish these guys would never get another job in Hollywood again.
A Dog's Purpose (2017)
If you love dogs...
If you love dogs this is a sure fire winner. It's a tough one because it involves life and death and cruelty but also love, endurance and hope. The misleading and sensational footage linked on TMZ caused a bit of a controversy when it was released, which was a shame because this movie has some very deep and profound messages and well as terrific stories. Sure, it's schmaltzy but so is the book. Judge for yourself.
Larry Crowne (2011)
What a stinker of a movie
First off, rich people writing about the recession is like a skinny person who never had a weight problem writing about being fat.
The writing is bad, the characters are completely one dimensional and the acting is so forced it's like watching an exercise in a freshman acting class.
Julia Roberts walks through the movie playing a bitter, jaded nothing of a teacher with a chip on her shoulder. So glad she gets paid so much money to do so little.
The falsely perky Gugu Mbatha-Raw is grating. I know she's supposed to be the "muse" in the movie, but she's just annoying.
Cedric the Entertainer is supposed to be clever, but comes off as kind of mean playing the greedy neighbor who makes a living nickle and diming people in his perpetual garage sales.
The utterly un-interesting characters are a study in bad scriptwriting, from the students in classes to the scooter bunch. The only redeeming performance is by George Takei, who plays an arrogant, eccentric econ teacher.
Everything in this movie stinks. So glad I caught it on cable and didn't pay for it.
Torchwood: Children of Earth: Day One (2009)
Haunting and brilliant
The 456 are coming...
It's no fun for the Torchwood crew, especially Captain Jack, when John Barrowman (Captain Jack Harkneess) along with Eve Myles (Gwen), Gareth David-Lloyd (Ianto) and Kai Owen (Rhys, now given co-star billing) all return in this 5-part series.
In 1965 Scotland, a bus-load of children are driven to a remote location and disappear into a cloud of light, with a lone child escaping. Over the course of two days, all the children in the world stop in their tracks, and speak, in unison and in English, "We are coming."
On the third day, an ambassador for the 456 arrive in a column of fire over Thames House before appearing in an isolation tank built by a crony in the Home Office and his henchmen (who have tried in vain to kill Captain Jack and his team, a grisly business, especially for Captain Jack).
They locate the lone child (now an adult) from the 1965 event, and it turns out that he's afflicted with the same condition as the children.
The 456 demand that 10% of the world's population of children be handed over to them, or else they will destroy the human race. The governments of the world secretly agree to comply after further demonstrations of the 456's power.
A powerful drama, SF aspects aside, what follows is horrifying and ultimately depressing, and will haunt you for days after viewing.
An American Carol (2008)
Oh Kelsey Grammar and Jon Voight, how far you've fallen!
I wanted to give this movie a chance. I'm not overly political on either side, but this attempt to make liberals look bad totally did the opposite.
It's sad how many funny, thoughtful people turned angry and stupid after 9/11. Dennis Miller, for one. His former smart, biting comedy is now bitter, hate-filled bile.
Chances are you will enjoy this movie if you love Glenn Beck, Bill O' Reilly and Fox News. If you are at all open minded, however, you will probably see it for the sophomoric hatefest it is.
Two things this film excels in are racism and sexism. All the terrorists are named "Muhammad Hussein", and Afghanistan has to import Mexicans to "do the work the Taliban won't do" because all Mexicans are illegal immigrants who will do any job because they're stupid and clearly inferior. The few female characters are ditsy bimbos or scary dykes (Vicki Browne as Rosie O'Connell). The film even unintentionally parodies its base when one of the terrorists wants to stop same-sex marriage. Whoops.
Zucker's comedy used to be funny, offending everyone while letting us all in on the joke. Using images of a still dusty Ground Zero in a comedy? How is that remotely funny? This appalling 9/11 exploitation is as self-serving and inexcusable as any of the anti-American behavior he accuses Michael Moore of.
Disaster Movie (2008)
Why do they keep giving these guys money?
Ever see "Idiocracy"? Welcome to the future.
Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer are the worst filmmakers in history, but they cater to the bottom of the barrel. They are geniuses in the sense that people like the ones who actually gave this movie a higher rating than 1 watch their movies. And continue to buy tickets.
They don't even parody, they grab a bunch of actors who vaguely resemble people they can make fun of.
I saw parts of this movie and Meet The Spartans accidentally on cable and couldn't even sit through the scenes. Amy Winehouse belching for 2 minutes straight? Did anyone other than a 5 year old think that was funny? I feel bad for the actors who get roped into these films, do they really think this will help their careers? And the ones who actually have a career? Oh, Kevin Sorbo, how far you've fallen. WTF are they thinking? This just cements their F list status.
Why do they keep giving these guys money and the first rate production values that go along with them when there are filmmakers out there with far more talent and imagination who can't even get their scripts read.
No wonder the movie business is going into the toilet. Shame on Hollywood for continuing to green light this crap.
Sex and the City (2008)
Waste of time, out of sight, out of mind
I loved the series, but I'm so offended by this movie I can barely see.
Was the series always so vapid, concerned only with labels, couture, photo shoots, design, shoes? It was Vogue turned into a movie, and a bad one -- and were the characters always strange, bitter, shallow, gossipy, idle, pampered, indulgent, empty headed, materialistic idiots? I'm ashamed that I watched the series with the loyalty that I did, being a New Yorker and feminist. Was it always thus? Do I have a selective memory?
Charlotte eating nothing but pudding in Mexico was offensive and racist, and I cringed every time she opened her mouth. Samantha proved that predatory older women are worth stereotyping, really -- she gained weight and that's the end of the world? Carrie was only a tad human. Big was dull, Steve was pathetic and Harry was sycophantic. I used to love these men! Oh, and the screaming! The shrieking! Really, how old are these women?
I guess it bothers me that so many women hold these posers up as role models. I'll bet they worship the Real Housewives.
Irréversible (2002)
I can't decide if I liked it or not
I, as a jury, am still out. The rape and beating scene of Alex and the brutal scene in the Rectum notwithstanding, it just made me so sad.
As an exercise in film-making it's jarring, nauseating and confusing and I had to frequently fast forward just to not get sick, but that's due to Noe's swirly camera-work and the soundtrack.
As an acting piece, it's phenomenal, from Jo Prestia's Tenia's glee in causing someone pain to Vincent Cassel's blind rage in his quest for revenge and Albert Dupontel's seemingly helpless desperation to help somehow -- it's all first rate. I don't care what anyone says -- Monica Bellucci's Alex is brave and heartbreaking.
When the story is examined, I can't help but think how sad it is that they got the wrong guy and how the boyfriend won't be there when (if) she wakes up and how the baby most certainly is lost.
It just made me so sad, ultimately, at how fragile life is and how fleeting happiness can be.