chlump Reviews

The Rockford Files: Punishment and Crime (1996 TV Movie)

One of the best Rockford movies

[8/10 · 26 May 2022]

If there was ever a character that really undid Jim Rockford, it was Megan. This is an excellent installment in their complex relationship. It is anything but cut and dry. Megan is a mess and Rockford is a mess when she's around. But she is still a genuine heroine even given her all too understandable flaws.

I appreciate the well played complexities of her and her family's lives, the tie back to the tragedy that redefined her life and the very complex dynamics that resulted from that accident.

It is a sad and sobering story about good people that bad things have happened to and the human emotions that we are all subject to, whether we like it or not. We see an unconditional love side of Jim, and of Megan for her cousin, and the sacrifices people make for others, the yo-yoing between selfishness and selflessness we all go through.

This show really does some excellent character development, it doesn't have too much of the forced and slapstick relationship with Angel that was a little too prevalent in the movies, and it shows the hopeless lovesick puppy side of Jim Rockford. It really forced me to think about how I might handle such difficulties in life and be so grateful I haven't had to (knock on wood.)

Not perfect and there are some timing issues and slow moments, and Angel seems shoehorned in, but overall definitely worth a watch!

Christmas Oranges (2012)

Nice Christmas story to remind us of our blessings

[7/10 · 18 December 2021]

Christmas Oranges is a well produced film and tells a compelling story of an orphan's early life and struggles, and how she, through the kindness and compassion she learned from her first caretaker, touched the lives and hearts of others.

There are many child actors, and I can only imagine the challenges in producing a movie with many children. They, however, do a fine job in their roles, and fairly convincingly portray their characters. The overall plot is compelling and generally easy to follow, although it can be a a little slow paced at times.

Sometimes I felt that the screenplay was a little too melodramatic, and it did take away some of the realism for me. Perhaps it is just my experience but I sometimes wonder if people can truly treat children so poorly at times. Like when poor Rose was being taken from her first orphanage, alone, to another one by someone who was just so one dimensionally detestable and without heart. That seemed a little over the top. But it does help to portray just how difficult a transition like that could be.

One other plot point that generally confused me was this - why was Mr. Crampton running the orphanage himself for the most part, even though his brother Joe supposedly owned half of it? What made him "more in charge" than his brother, and why did his brother live so close by and not seem to have much control over how the orphanage was run? Sometimes it almost seemed like, although Joe was so nice to the children, he also wasn't taking the responsibility for the orphanage like he could or should have. Maybe the short story makes this clearer, but it was not really explained in the movie.

A little more backstory on Mr. Crampton's falling out with his daughter, or even a flashback, would have been nice, and could have likely been worked into the same running time if some of the pacing of other parts of the story were improved.

Despite these nits, it is an enjoyable and inspiring movie, and we could all do well to be as kind and forgiving as Rose when we experience challenges in our lives. The true Spirit of Christmas.

Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker (2019)

Good SciFi Has Rules - Star Trek Wins

[5/10 · 7 October 2021]

This installment, and the sequel trilogy in general, have cemented in my mind that Star Trek definitely beats out Star Wars now overall.

Rise of Skywalker just continues to throw away the rules, and with it the things that make great science fiction. SciFi != Fantasy. SciFi != Action. But somehow, studios don't get that anymore, or more likely just don't care.

Science Fiction picks a set of rules that govern the technology in the universe. Technology can then progress _in feasible ways_ from that point. These rules provide limits so that when the characters are faced with challenges, they have to develop, they have to struggle, they have to problem solve in order to succeed, and therein lies good storytelling. It is a dying art because studios have realized that they don't have to follow any of these rules to make boatloads of cash. Who is to blame? The audiences or the studios? I am sure the blame is shared. The result is cookie cutter formulas being applied to respected franchises of the past where the rules used to be followed and the result was something more thought provoking, and ultimately more satisfying. But now, all we have is fast food cinema. And it has officially happened to Star Wars.

The sequel trilogy is where this has proven out, and Rise of Skywalker put the nail in the coffin of good SciFi for the main storyline. Without specific spoilers, I'll elaborate:

• The Force has become magic, rather than science. Midichlorians were an attempt to make the Force part of the science. This trilogy never (or barely) mentions them, and the science aspect is gone. Force Lightning going far, far beyond its previous abilities, telekinesis going far beyond its previous abilities. Unexplained additional "features" are added to the force like the Rey / Kylo physical/teleportation bond. Self-resurrection. Healing others. The result is that it completely waters down the movies that come before, and makes all characters leading up to the final character set weak and inconsequential. It is now yet another plot device to deliver the formulaic fantasy/action roller coaster ride.

• The technology has become magic, rather than science. In just a few generations, the bad guys in particular have eclipsed by leaps and bounds the technology that existed just a few years before. Hyperspace rules? We go from careful calculations before entering hyperspace to "light speed skipping" in and out of atmospheres - all within Leia's lifetime. And tie fighters can follow through lightspeed without a hitch. In ep 8, tracking through lightspeed was a special new tech, now tie fighters can fly anywhere AND have this latest tech, miniaturized and universally available in almost no time. Why? Because it makes the roller coaster ride more intense. Weapons technology grew exponentially. Where in the original trilogy an entire movie would center on destroying the "big gun", by the time we get to episode IX, "big guns" are a dime a dozen, and exist everywhere you turn. Science has rules, even in sci-fi. It takes _time_ to invent new technology. In these movies, it just starts appearing all over the place.

• Productivity and manufacturing itself has now become magic. How does an immense fleet of planet killing spacecraft just "appear", fully manned (or automated) and ready to subdue the entire galaxy?

• The main character has become magic. Rey is now as "Mary Sue" (perfect character with no flaws) as they come. Her internal conflict doesn't come from her weaknesses, it only comes from being taunted and lonely. She has no real character flaws. She kicks the crap out of all those patriarchal, women oppressing snobs from the previous movies (Kathleen Kennedy you inserted your political agenda swimmingly into this series! So much for being long long ago in a galaxy far far away - you can't escape today's politics ANYWHERE). New skills? No training needed. New skills show up and amaze even Rey herself on a regular basis. Pathetic Jedi - they had to go through years of training! But since Rey has no character flaws who needs to go through all that discipline and humility anyway? She doesn't even finish the one training exercise they show her starting but still goes on to... no guessing here - dominate!

This last movie is the icing on the cake to prove that the formula _will_ be followed. Bigger, better, faster roller coaster. More intense ride. Every plot point, every aspect of the universe, they are now just knobs to turn to that end.

I can forgive Marvel Universe movies. You know they are going to do this going in. Fast and Furious? They started one-upping themselves with the first sequel. These franchises said from the get-go they would play fast and loose, that they were thrill rides, and they weren't going to play by the rules.

But after countless stories in both movies and print building a rich, detailed Star Wars universe that has rules, rules that ground the fans and connect them, force the writers to _work_ at new stories, to focus on the human struggle, to problem solve and battle on reasonable terms - the sequel trilogy comes in, stomping and loud, and breaks all the rules in an insulting and arrogant romp that culminates in not much more than making everything that came before it look small and weak. With it goes the nuance, the struggle - and the elaborate, character focused storytelling.

And with it goes my respect of the franchise. There's enough good Star Wars out there, already made, that I can enjoy the content respects the canon, and never have to revisit this movie, or Ep 7 and 8, again.

If you're looking for more Star Wars, don't look to these movies. Just go watch Ep 1-6, Rogue One, and Solo. At least then you won't be hit with a disillusionment you can't take back. Instead, if you want another formulaic romp, just go watch Transformers again, or a Marvel movie, one of the plethora of films that will come out this year using the same formulaic approach. You can get your roller coaster ride adrenaline fix without insulting the affection you had for Star Wars you knew and loved.

Star Trek isn't perfect, but even with the reboot it never went this far off the rails. In my book, it wins as the more satisfying and self-consistent franchise.

One last thing - these movies were entertaining, intense romps in their own right (apart from the universe they came from and desecrated). Good music, lots of the stuff you expect from shallow action-oriented special effects-fests. Tangy one-liners, lots of "cool" one-off scenes like light-saber vs. Spaceship, and colorful and flashy special effects. If you love those things and aren't dedicated fans of Star Wars of yesteryear - then watch the movie, indeed watch all of eps 7-9, you might just like them.

Mrs. 'Arris Goes to Paris (1992 TV Movie)

Heartwarming movie with a wonderful message

[9/10 · 1 February 2021]

For the many older reviews that lamented that this movie is not on DVD... it is now! I just watched it from a DVD my wife purchased.

My wife is a huge Angela Lansbury fan from before we ever met, and she has introduced me to this wonderful, charming and versatile actress.

Mrs. 'arris is a monetarily poor widow from London who still knows how to dream big, and she is rich in what matters, her spirit. Her positive attitude, graciousness and kindness will have you cheering her on throughout the movie. She touches the lives of many on her quest to own a slice of what - to her - is another world entirely.

A simple movie that tells a more important message than many blockbuster movies ever have, that it truly is not money but moral character and true love of those around us that has any hope of making the world a better place.

Mrs. 'arris improves the lives of those around her with her selfless service and genuine concern far more than wealth ever could. This movie is a clash of the worlds of rich and poor, famous and unknown, beautiful and common. And a strong reminder that in the end, we are all truly equals in the ways that really matter.

Despite being a low budget movie, the acting is very good and the actors bring this world alive for us.

A refreshing family movie that everyone should see, especially those that likely never will.

The Mandela Effect (2019)

Enjoyable and thought provoking but sloppy, maybe

[7/10 · 11 October 2020]

A man's grief drives him to explore a conspiracy theory that just happens to be true... he is living in a simulation. A fun premise, and it did make me think, but I found it a little unsatisfying. Guess that makes me a true American where I like my stories neat and well packaged.

The boundaries of the simulation are not at all clear. Was his daughter a person? Was his wife a person? Or were they just part of the simulation? If his daughter wasn't part of the simulation then where was she while dead? So how many real humans are there and how many of his friends and family are just the simulation? Are their bodies their own or part of the simulation?

Is his drive toward the breaking of the simulation just part of the test, of the game? To test his mind? His love? Was his wife real and crazy or just another part of the 'maze'? Is he the only real thing? Can the simulation alter his mind or memories? Does only vague memory remain at the end (after the reboot) or does he remember the former life with his daughter dying on a conscious level? Is he just so happy for the reboot he's okay being in a simulation now? If his mind is erased for the reboot then it would only be consistent that the events culminating in the reboot truly were a test or the simulation could have erased his mind much sooner and saved a lot of effort.

If the quantum computer is part of the simulation and only runs when someone observed it, then wouldn't it just pause when he stops looking at the terminal or the omnipotent simulation erase or stop the program?

All these questions were fun to ponder. But in the end only one consistent conclusion remains... nothing is real but the protagonist himself (unless the bodies are simulations too and some mind erasure is possible). And those controlling the maze are real. And that makes me feel sad for him. Well, maybe. Free will in this universe exists, but what good is free will when only walls surround you, forcing you down prescribed paths regardless of you desires?

Or maybe the maze is built according to your desires? Perhaps solving the maze means endless restarts until you get to die happy and without regrets. In other words the walls don't change but somehow the maze already knows the path to your ideal happiness. All you need is to keep loading your saved games until you get there with no mistakes (e.g. lletting his daughter die was a mistake) If the simulator erases your conscious memories of the previous attempts, and all that remains is a growing intuition that guides your decisions until you navigate life without mistakes and die happy, is that really so bad? Is the fact that he worked so hard to get to the simulation broken part of the test of his true desires? Maybe the walls do change based on what the simulation/simulators learn of you.

And when you finally die happy, is that just when you are finally removed from the maze and you (if you are even flesh and blood as we know it) have now earned the right to live in the reality in which the simulation is being run? Oh, and is that just another simulation run from an even higher reality? Turtles all the way down... and up.

I guess it really was thought provoking.

The Office: Doomsday (2011) Season 8, Episode 6

Simply Ridiculous Plot Supplement

[4/10 · 10 April 2020]

Just read the other review with this title.

And add another giant plot hole. How does the device detect errors? If a human is required to do the work, how is it feasible that some computer program has the ability to detect errors humans have made? A program that complex could run the office and humans wouldn't even be needed. It would have to be Hal 9000 artificial intelligence or something. Had my eyes rolling constantly. Such a program could actually correct everyone's mistakes! Just do you work then wait to finalize or execute your work to see if this magical program says you've made a mistake, then use the output of the program to fix your mistake!

So the doomsday program could become the ultimate program to ensure no more mistakes were made and actually make the branch look better than ever!

Talk about a super contrived situation just to do some awkward and pointless character development or something?

Four stars because it did make me laugh some.

Jupiter Ascending (2015)

Beautiful but chaotic and overwrought

[5/10 · 12 March 2020]

The special effects? First class. The acting? Pretty good though the most antagonistic antagonist is overacted, which obviously was the director's fault and not the actor's.

The potential of this whole thing was truly epic. But it was way too rushed and really lacked refinement. You can't fit it all in two hours. It was obvious the Wachowski brothers had way more in mind than could ever make it to screen. The mistake was trying anyway.

It's like they were told they had no chance at a franchise or even a sequel, so in desperation tried to touch on everything they'd ever conceived in this universe of theirs instead of picking the most important aspects and doing them real justice.

The result is a movie so haphazard, rushed, and confusing that it is impossible to form a true affinity for any character in it, except perhaps the Earth itself. We all know and love the earth and don't want it destroyed. That's about the only concern I could muster. There are so many disparate plot points and bits of exposition that there is no time to connect any of them.

Oh and the balance of power is all out of whack. There seem to be like 10 good guys to every 100000 bad guys. And action scenes that show these good guys prevailing over and over and over against impossible odds. You can not suspend disbelief, it is just too unbelievable even for sci-fi. The sort of good guys with a whole ship can't accomplish things that the gravity skating love interest good guy can do with his eyes closed. Just inconsistent.

If you collect all the plot points, mull them over, mull them over some more, watch the movie a second time, you start to see that there was incredible potential: Backstories, power struggles, technology exploration, multiple races, class warfare, galactic scale economies and societies, family struggles, exploration of society's weaknesses and strength, etc.

A focused, solid story core with hints of all these other possibilities would have been so much better than trying to include them all in the plot. But the true irony is that the basic plot is oversimplified (every act is the same - run, chase, kidnap, impossible rescue) rinse repeat. Pump up the core plot, lighten up the need to touch on every aspect of the rich universe and family struggles, and this could have been the start of a unique new sci-fi franchise. In the end, I cannot recommend as a compelling show, Especially if you forget about a show the moment you walk out of it, but I can say watch it if you have an imagination and would appreciate pondering on the ideas of what could have been.

Lost in Space (2018–2021)

Close... but no cigar

[6/10 · 21 January 2020]

You can look at the menu, but you just can't eat. You can dip your foot in the pool, but you can't have a swim. You can see the summit but you can't reach it. Aspirations in the clouds but your hopes go down the drain.

No one is to blame... well actually somebody is. That's why producers make the big bucks, because they should know what formula makes a great show. But a critical ingredient has been left out of Lost in Space.

You have a Ferrari, but you're forced to drive the speed limit on a plain, circular track.

There's a reason so many Philip K. Dick stories have been made into movies and TV shows. That guy could write. That guy was creative.

Has the media industry with its vast resources lost its ability (or willingness) to write creative, unique, compelling, well-paced stories? If judged by Lost in Space, one would have to answer "yes". Even the list of awards tells the same story.

All the other ingredients are there. The special effects are extremely well done. Production values are high. Costume and Set Design is acceptable. Cinematography is pretty good. Actors are doing just fine. Actually the actors deserve kudos for some of the writing they have to endure.

I'm not knocking writers in general. I believe there are still genuinely creative, well trained, properly educated, clever writers out there. The producers must not desire to attract them to the show. Maybe they blew their budget on all the other ingredients. Maybe too much of the budget goes to profit or paying execs.

If you're going to drive around in circles at or below the 30 MPH, why do you need an expensive sports car?

If you're going to plod along episode after episode with mediocre drama and science, why do you need such a glamorous production?

In the episode I most recently watched, the daughter whines about how nobody likes her and she has no talents (she'd go eat worms but the planet doesn't have any). This pity party and her mother's doting responses make up an appreciable percentage of the episode's dialog. Now that is realistic to a point. Teenagers whine, teenagers are often self-absorbed, it's part of that phase of life. But that's pedantic and obvious for a sci-fi show! Save it for the after school comedy/drama or daytime soap opera. It's wasted potential on an interesting and unexplored alien world to dwell on teenage angst! Come on, get epic!

I can appreciate that she's whining actually, because she has nothing else to do as it takes the entire remainder of the cast to overcome the monumental number of contrived roadblocks necessary to lower her and her mom a rope and get on with the plot.

They are always in a desperate situation. It's so constant that you become numb to it, and danger no longer has any meaning. Seriously there's always a countdown going on (We have 56 minutes until the storm gets here! Then we all die! What's taking them so long! Ahh!) Sometimes I just want them to finally just all die so I can stop worrying so much about them (why am I using my free time to worry and bite my nails about fictional people - is this fulfilling?). The problem with this is that in all the extreme desperation and suspense there's no joy of discovery, of exploration, of new ideas and concepts. The problem with Lost in Space is ultimately all the lost potential that good writing could realize.

Again, the production values are great. This team can put anything on the screen visually and aurally and make it believable. So give us something amazing to believe in! Take us on a real journey. Give the Robinson family a breather from being on death's doorstep - get creative! Introduce us to alien societies, multiple worlds, mind bending science, multilayered plots with deep characters and unexpected (yet plausible and character driven) twists and turns, and yes action and suspense too (in appropriate quantities).

Actually some of the stuff they have come up with is pretty interesting. Like in season two the ecosystem of the planet they are on is very intriguing. But it doesn't get developed, it doesn't go anywhere fast. They are whetting my appetite with a bite of something gourmet then giving me a meal of fast food drama.

Last but not least, I'm afraid the show has a challenge developing characters. Characters don't have much depth. For those that are the cream of society I'd expect more maturity and complexity of thought, more philosophy (if they were given a chance to philosophize between all their near death experiences).

Dr. Smith is a caricature, not an actual complex character. A random number generator is not complicated, and they have made Dr. Smith too random, too volatile. A complex character is one the audience _thinks_ they have figured out but then they learn something new about them (through organic plot flow)- something new and unexpected but that is still consistent with the character's past actions. With Dr. Smith, by the end of season 1, I had given up trying to understand her and wrote her off as crazy and possibly not even truly conscious or self-aware. She is a pair of dice in overalls.

Maybe they are scared that if they use up all their ideas they won't have any left so they milk them too long. Part of me wonders if the studio just can't afford it. They may have great production tools but don't have the money to create very many virtual constructs and sets so they have to use them for a whole episode or two. Again like having a Ferrari but can't afford the gas or to build a nice racetrack.

I was hoodwinked by the production values into expecting a top-rated movie quality experience. What I learned is that it's still TV, and that computers have gotten good enough to give TV a very nice wrapping job.

If you are short on time and only have an hour or two for entertainment a week, I say get out while you can, because at the pace they are going they will barely scratch the surface of this universe before this show has run its course and is over or cancelled. If the show is lucky, it will be given enough warning to cram a bunch of contrived answers that don't quite make sense down the viewers' throats before the last episode.

If you have a more leisurely life, this is certainly better than a good amount of shows out there, watch it for the production values alone. It's also a good show to play in the background while you do homework or housework. Pay attention for a few minutes out of every 15 minutes and you'll get to enjoy the great special effects, see their well rendered CGI landscapes and weather phenomena, catch all the plot details that matter, and find out where this all ends up without feeling like you've wasted too much time.

Circling back around, this show is pretty close. They have the Ferrari, they have the good production team. If they can get the writing down, they can give us a really fun ride! So far though, it's almost more painful to see all the potential and watch it go unrealized, than if the production values weren't as high. I'd gladly sacrifice some production value for better storytelling.

Sorry, I'll keep my Cuban in the drawer. No cigar.

Just one other thought regarding the anti-"hater" reviews. Disliking a _thing_ like a TV show doesn't make a person a hater. That term is overused and it desensitizes people to how extreme and deplorable true hate really is. Disliking a TV show, a music album, or a color doesn't make someone a bad person. Give people some leeway to have opinions. Come on, really.

Okay one more thing and I really will stop typing. The question below each and every review is "Was this review helpful?" It is NOT "Do you agree with this review?" But I guarantee, out of those that have seen the show, most of you that agree with me will say it was helpful, and most of you that don't will say it wasn't helpful. Now that's human nature. I'll be honest, I usually do the same thing.

Magnum, P.I.: The Ugliest Dog in Hawaii (1981) Season 1, Episode 8

My least favorite Magnum

[4/10 · 28 October 2019]

Gangster that never stops yelling. A chase that goes on and on and on and never ends with no additional plot and character development. All the characters are implausibly incompetent. Oh, did I mention the yelling gravelly voiced old man? Enough said...

Big Trouble in Little China (1986)

Perfect balance of action and humor

[10/10 · 5 January 2018]

Big Trouble in Little China is a great achievement. I've always loved this movie and shared it with those that haven't seen it. It is the perfect blend of action and humor. The movie seems to know itself so well that it walks a difficult line between parody and true action-adventure very skillfully. Kudos to John Carpenter, the tone of this movie shows an incredibly well honed sense of humor and timing.

I laugh every time I see the show, I haven't found a friend yet who doesn't add it to their list of favorites after seeing it.

I think those that don't like it shouldn't leave reviews, unless they like putting in writing that they don't have a sense of humor. I swear it is like the Meyers-Briggs type indicator test, just instead it tests for the sense of humor required to understand and love this movie. If you don't love it, you don't have that type of a sense of humor.