griffin84 Reviews

Friday the 13th (2009)

Try to come up with your own ideas this time...

[3/10 · 28 June 2009]

You would think that when Hollywood decides to do a reboot/remake/insert-noun-here, they would actually put some creativity and new ideas into what they produce.

This time... they do not.

Jason's kills are uninspired and actually pretty lame. Roasting a camper in her own sleeping bag? Probably would have worked if the director didn't show her falling out of the bag already dead. Shooting with a bow & arrow? Wow, when did Jason turn into such a good shot? In fact, most of the deaths in this movie seemed to be taken from other horror movies, particularly 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre' and 'Halloween'!

The lighting was terrible (I know it's supposed to be dark, but for God's sake, I couldn't see half of what was going on), the script was lousy... you know what, forget it. Let's just face it: there's no way this movie could ever hold up to the original movie.

Fantastic Four (I) (2005)

Special Effects and One Hot Chick, a Movie Does Not Make.

[3/10 · 18 June 2009]

In the early 2000s, comic books entered into a new Renaissance in film. Sony gave us 'Spiderman', 20th Century Fox made 'X-Men', and every studio in Hollywood immediately started grabbing up every single superhero story they could get their hands on. So it was only a matter of time before Fox decided to bring Marvel's first family to the big screen: The Fantastic Four.

So here's what the studio does: first of all, make sure that the budget can give them realistic-looking superpowers (actually, that's the one thing the movie does right). As far as the script goes… well, they apparently only had enough money for the special effects. The humor is forced, the science is hokey, most of the dialog in the movie is delivered via bickering, and quite frankly, it seems like there are more plot holes than actual plot points!

The characters are lacking serious development, and it's obvious that this movie suffered from some serious poor choices in casting. I know that the studio obviously thought casting Jessica Alba would bring in more revenue (once they stopped drooling over her in the blue jumpsuit), but doing so brings the iconic character of Sue Storm down to nothing but eye candy.

In the comics, Johnny Storm was a fun-loving teenager, and frankly, the corny one-liners and immature whining that the script gives us may actually have made more sense had they actually cast someone a big younger than Chris Evans, who is not only way too old for the part but also looks older than Alba. Actually, scratch that: no actor could have pulled off the lousy writing they gave this character.

Julian McMahon isn't the worst choice to play a comic book villain, but there is no transition from scummy business tycoon to actual psychopath. When does he suddenly decide that he's capable of murder?

The pacing in the film is all over the place. It seems like the directors wanted to get to the action sequences as quickly as possible… but the action is incredibly lacking. The final battle with Doom is over way too quickly. In fact, there's a few scenes where Johnny (sans fire) performs a number of stunts that actually seem more hyped up and better shot than the big finale!

On a side note, the Extended Cut gives us a little more dimension to the characters (especially Ben's relationship with Alicia), although the editors should be shot for throwing in their little tribute to Wolverine (I won't spoil it, but it's nauseating).

As we all know, Marvel started its own studio to get better control of the movies they release, which has proved more than effective with 'Iron Man' and 'The Incredible Hulk'. Let us all hope that after they finish with their current line-up, they decide to go back and fix this monstrosity. 'The Fantastic Four' was one of Marvel's greatest creations… and the characters deserve better than this.

Watchmen (2009)

Who Watches the Watchmen? .... We do!

[10/10 · 8 March 2009]

I'll go ahead and admit it: I have never read the original 'Watchmen' graphic novel (always wanted to, never really got the chance), and when my husband and I saw the first couple teaser trailers, we agreed on one thing: "OK, so this is a superhero movie... but what the heck is it about?!?" Still, we knew just how big the graphic novel was, so after reading up a little on the backstory, we went to see it on the opening weekend.

When I went in, I wasn't sure what to expect: the reviews had been pretty split, and a few of my friends had even gone on to say that this was the worst 3 hours of their lives. Still, I was determined to see it, and for once, I was glad I didn't listen to my friends... 'Watchmen' is a dazzling tour-de-force that grabs the viewer's attention and refuses to let go.

There is little that I can find to hate about 'Watchmen': the casting was great (the actors truly blend into their characters, none more-so than Jackie Earle Haley, who completely disappears into the role of Rorschach), the visual effects are great, and no matter how many subplots are going on (and trust me, there are a few), you still can't look away.

The most important aspect, however, is that this is NOT a movie for fanboys. Zach Snyder was determined to stay as close to his source material as possible, so much that many people were worried that they only ones who would like this movie would be those die-hard fans who actually dress up as Nite Owl & Dr. Manhattan for the midnight showings (you know who you are). However, the movie is great, and does not just play out to those who already read the novel. As I stated before, I have yet to read it, and I was able to follow what was going on clearly.

Alan Moore, the genius who gave us the original graphic novel, has apparently sworn to never watch this movie; that's his prerogative. He evidently doesn't trust Hollywood to do justice to his work, and I'm sorry he has such little faith, because Snyder does not disappoint. I highly recommend 'Watchmen' to anyone, young and old alike, this is one of those rare movies that you can easily see over and over again.

Martian Through Georgia (1962)

A brilliant example of Noble & Jones' work

[9/10 · 29 October 2008]

If anyone at Termite Terrace could put together a classic sci-fi cartoon, it was Chuck Jones and Maurice Noble, the creative team behind 'Duck Dodgers', 'Mad as a Mars Hare', and of course 'Martian through Georgia'.

The story shows a young alien (though he is called a Martian in the 'toon, it was never established that he was from Mars) whom has become incredibly bored with his home planet. Advised to travel and broaden his horizons, the little Martian comes across Earth, and realizes that here he can be happy. Of course, the people of Earth only see him as a monster and freak out. What makes this cartoon so special is that the little Martian doesn't realize that HE is the monster, and decides to help the Earth out by finding and destroying the monster!

The design and layout of 'Martian Through Georgia' is a prime-example of Jones and Noble's talent, showcasing eye-popping color, beautiful backgrounds, and a great storyline that Jones himself help write ( this 'toon is a rare exception where Michael Maltese, Jones' #1 writer, is nowhere to be found).

A classic 'toon that deserves an honored spot on any collector's list, 'Martian through Georgia' is amazing work from one of the best teams at Termite Terrace. Be sure to check it out!

To Beep or Not to Beep (1963)

If at first you don't succeed...

[10/10 · 10 July 2008]

"To Beep or Not to Beep" is, without a doubt, my favorite Wile E. Coyote/Road Runner short, mostly because it's so different than any shorts proceeding or following it. As any geek will note, this is the only WEC/RR short that does not include a freeze-frame of the characters with their "latin" names, instead opening on our favorite coyote reading a cook book. In a way, the set-up could almost be used as the first WEC/RR short, because it gives the viewer a great visual start to the chase. Whether it's for the recipe for Road Runner Surprise in the cookbook, or revenge on the bird for startling him, Wile E. has found his prey.

The second thing that I love about this episode is the infamous catapult sequence. This is great because in most other WEC/RR shorts, Wile E. tries a tactic to catch the Road Runner, and when it fails, he moves on to the next one. Not so in this short: he keeps trying again and again with the catapult, hoping that the next time will work. If at first you don't succeed, try and try again. Of course, for the poor coyote, it doesn't matter how many times he tries. Fate has spelled it out nice and clean for him: NOT GONNA HAPPEN!

Be sure to pick up 'Looney Tunes Golden Collection Vol. 3" and check out this short. You won't be disappointed.

Oh, and remember, when you buy a giant catapult, be sure to double-check who manufactured it... it could save your life.

Get Smart (2008)

Get Smart -- What a TV-to-Movie Adaptation should be!

[8/10 · 19 June 2008]

We went to see this movie at a sneak-peek screening a few days before it came out. First of all, I did have high expectations: both myself and my husband watched this show as kids (on Nick @ Nite and TNT), and after being severely disappointed in many TV show-to-movie adaptations, I did NOT want to walk out feeling like I had wasted my time.

And I'm happy to say that every single one of my expectations was met! The movie is great, unbelievably funny, and, from what I've seen of the original series, incredible faithful to the idea of the original premise of the TV show.

And, let's face it, Steve Carrell was the ONLY person to play Max Smart. Anyone who has seen the show and watched Don Adams knows that Carrell is perfect for this role.

While Anne Hathaway and Dwayne Johnson are great in their roles (I am honestly impressed with Johnson's acting chops, he is one of the few wrestlers-turned actors who is earning his keep in Hollywood), Alan Arkin helped make this movie for me. I can't think of any else better for the Chief.

Fans of the original show will NOT be disappointed. Between appearances by Fang, Agent 13 (Bill Murray in a terrific cameo), and Hymie the Robot (played in a quick spot by the PERFECT casting choice), the script is great, as though it could have been written by Mel Brooks himself.

While 'Get Smart' is not going to go down as movie of the year (sorry, 'Iron Man' and 'The Dark Knight' can fight out for that one), it's definitely a great comedy that does not disappoint.

8 out of the 10 stars.

Design for Leaving (1954)

Press this button for entertainment

[8/10 · 1 March 2008]

In what could easily become the next wave of reality 'home repair' shows, Daffy shows up unexpected at Elmer Fudd's home and gives it the 'modern' touch. In other words, he installs an endless number of automatic time-saving devices throughout the house. And, as we can already predict, none of these mechanisms seem to work for everyone's favorite hunter.

Over 50 years later, we have a number of time-saving mechanisms throughout our own home (one of which I'm using to write this very review), but thankfully we've skipped the 'Dirty Window Cleaner', the 'Alcatrez Ascot Tie Machine', and the 'Upstairs-Downstairs Elevator'. Still, with the way humanity races to keep up with technology, I wonder how long it will be before we see stuff like this in our own homes! Still, this is a classic cartoon and a laugh riot, especially for people who became fond of watching Elmer paired with another cartoon character besides Bugs Bunny.

Enjoy, and remember, no matter what you do... DON'T EVER PUSH THE RED BUTTON!!

King Kong (2005)

Lives up to every expectation!

[10/10 · 26 January 2006]

When I usually hear that some director is going to try and re-create a classic movie, I usually just roll my eyes and say, "Sure, you can do that, but it will always be remembered as a remake." Not this time. Peter Jackson has established himself as Lord of Adventure Films with "King Kong", one of the most breathtaking movies I can remember seeing for quite some time. I actually saw this twice, and enjoyed it both times. Jackson has made a movie that will not be remembered as a remake, but as an entity of its own, and that's something that most filmmakers dream of. The special effects are superb, the acting is great, the script never fails... I can go on and on like this for a while. For the 21st century, it's not Kong who's king... it's Jackson!

No Smoking! (1995)

Off to an interesting start...

[8/10 · 24 January 2006]

Before "Cow & Chicken" got started on Cartoon Network, it all began here with "No Smoking!". It starts off with a cow & chicken that are actually brother & sister (get back to us if you figure that one out). Cow is big and fat and keeps annoying her big brother, who just wants to watch TV. In steps the Devil (before he was formally introduced as "The Red Guy"), who decides to kidnap Chicken for smoking! Can Cow save her brother from Hell? This wasn't too bad for a pilot, though what's really cool is how Cartoon Network took this rather harsh and definitely TV Y7 short and cleaned it up into the now-cancelled "Cow & Chicken" show. Worth seeing if your a fan of the series.

Henry's Cat (1983– )

From such a long time ago...

[10/10 · 13 December 2005]

I only saw a couple of episodes of "Henry's Cat" on VHS that my mom bought for me, but I still remember enjoying it. It was such a sweet cartoon, with simple animation but it always brought a smile to my face. One episode I remember in particular was when Henry's Cat decided to become a cartoon animator; as a film student now, I can easily say that they made the job A LOT easier than it actually is! Henry's Cat's adventures were always so cool, like when he fought a 3- headed dragon that told very bad jokes, or when he played a Tarzan-wannabe who always swung into trees. One of the best things about Henry's Cat was that it opened the door to my imagination; if this cat could have such adventures, why couldn't I? Yes, I really think that Henry's Cat was the start of my career as a writer and filmmaker. I especially loved Chris Rabbit, Henry's Cat's sidekick through thick and thin. If you can find a copy of this series, I highly recommend picking it up; it's great for kids and adults alike.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005)

Nothing could be sweeter...

[12 July 2005]

Growing up, my favorite book was, easily, "Charlie & the Chocolate Factory". Roald Dahl's magical tale of a young boy's adventure in the strange factory was spell-binding. Though I never had a problem with the original "Willy Wonka" move with Gene Wilder (despite how unfaithful it was, it was still a cute and heart-warming movie), I was doing back-flips when I heard Tim Burton, quite possibly my all-time favorite director, would helm a new version of the movie.

First and foremost, Johnny Depp is perfect as Willy Wonka. What people don't really pick up from the first movie is that Wonka was intended to be, well, crazy. He was eccentric and freaky, the way he allowed the rotten children to get what they deserved and protected his factory like it was his child. Gene Wilder portrayed Wonka more like a fatherly-figure, and really was just too nice. Depp pulls out all of the stops as a new Willy Wonka, though there are times that any audience member will get just a bit freaked out.

What I loved most about the movie was how faithful it was to the book. Everything that was mentioned, from the chocolate palace to the hair toffee, was taken directly from the book. I was incredibly impressed.

This is definitely a movie for everyone, especially those of us who hold the original tale in our hearts. Wonka chocolate bars for all!

Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (2005)

Lucas, you finally made a better movie than "Empire"

[9/10 · 20 May 2005]

This is it, the movie that fans have been waiting to see for God knows how long. An average viewer would think that the expectations are too high, that no matter what the movie delivers, they will be sadly disappointed because they wanted more.

That doesn't happen in "Revenge of the Sith". Not a person walks out of that movie theater thinking that they have been let down.

"Revenge of the Sith" is the final "Star Wars" film and finally ties together the pre-trilogy of Anakin Skywalker's life with the future story of Luke, Han, and Princess Leia.

We see the big battle between Anakin and Obi-Wan Kenobi, the birth of the twins Luke and Leia, and the unavoidable creation of the Galactic Empire. The audience is on the edge of their seats as Anakin agrees to serve the Dark Side as everyone's favorite villain, Darth Vader. You can feel yourself almost pleading him to stop, for Anakin to realize what he's doing and see through the Emperor's tricks, but of course, you know that's not going to happen.

Lucas has put together a stellar masterpiece to end the saga. When the Jedi are unmercifully hunted down and killed, one is reminded of the climatic scene from "The Godfather", when Michael settled "all family business". When the movie ends, you'll be sitting in your seat, grinning from ear to ear, and all you'll want to do is shout "REWIND!"

No P in the O.O.L. (2001 TV Short)

A great start...

[7 November 2004]

When the grown-ups extend Adult Swim way longer than usual, the Kids Next Door pick up the distress signal and are on their way! This short was the first KND short to be featured on Cartoon Network, and gave birth to one of the coolest cartoons on TV today.

The cartoon also helped to define the characters we love. Over-analyzing Numbah 1, excited pilot Numbah 2, happy-go-lucky Numbah 3, tough-guy Numbah 4, and cool-as-a-cucumber Numbah 5. The KND fight for the honor of kids everywhere to go swimming as much as they want, or they face banishment to (gasp!) the KIDDY POOL!

The short, also known as "No P in OOL" re-runs occasionally on Cartoon Network, so catch it when you can! ADULT SWIM IS OVER!!!

Home Alone (1990)

Who doesn't remember this?

[7 September 2004]

Home Alone is a cultural staple in the lives of millions of people. Ask anyone from the ages of 15 to 50, and they'll remember this movie. With a simple plot, great acting, and slapstick out the wazoo, Home Alone is an indispensable

movie, not to mention the film that launched Macaulay Culkin to stardom.

Like previously stated, the plot is simple. Kevin McAllister (Culkin) is an 8-year old kid, the youngest in a rather large family, and he hates it. For those of us who grew up in huge families, we can identify with Kevin when he shouts,

'When I grow up and get married, I'm living alone! Did you hear me? I'M

LIVING ALONE!' That night, after ruining his family's dinner (of course, he was provoked by his older brother), Kevin wishes that his family would disappear.

The next morning, Kevin gets his wish. While he thinks his family has just

completely disappeared, little does he know that they left early for Paris and miscounted (they mistook the next-door neighbor kid as him). Realizing now is his chance to do whatever he wants, Kevin has the time of his life: going through his brother's room, jumping on the bed, watching R-rated movies, the works.

However, Kevin is smarter than he looks, and notices that two moronic burglars (played perfectly by Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern) have been snooping around

his house. When he overhears them deciding to rob the house on Christmas

Eve, he pulls together some of the most complex and elaborate booby-traps that would be the envy of professional snipers. The audience roots for the endless slapstick, laughing even harder as the burglars get more and more determined

to find Kevin and get rid of him. While this is going on, Kevin's mom (Catherine O'Hara) is trying desperately to get home and make sure her son is OK.

Home Alone is proof that American audiences love to see the bad guys get the

snot kicked out of them. With paint cans in the face, tacks up the foot, broken glass on the floor, heads getting set on fire, and trips galore, we just can't stop laughing. Of course, the moving also has heart, including a sweet reunion with Kevin & his family, plus his friendship to a street shoveler.

I recommend this movie to anyone. 10/10.

Evil Con Carne (2001 TV Short)

Hmm... this is interesting

[17 August 2004]

This is the original short that was placed with "The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy", Max Atoms' much-more popular short.

Hector Con Carne was a millionaire terrorist with a mind for world domination... that is, before his body was destroyed in an attempt on his life. Now, all that has survived is his brain and stomach, but that hasn't slowed him down one bit.

Employing his scientist Dr. Ghastly, his two remaining organs are placed in

special containments and attached to a circus bear named Bosko (exactly why

Ghastly chose the bear is beyond me, and they have yet to really explain on the series).

During this pilot, Hector has threatened the UN with a doomsday device, but

when they seem a team of "crack commandoes" in return, Hector ends up with

his team beaten and a few new bruises on his brain surface (whatever it's

called). Fed up with being on Bosko, who just ate honey during the attack,

Hector fires him and has Ghastly make him a new robot body.

With his new robot body, the commandoes are no match for Hector, who beats

them single-handedly. Unfortunately, Hector goes to far and starts to fall off a cliff. With his body too heavy to pull up, it looks like it's the end of Hector Con Carne, but who's this coming out of the dust, riding on a unicycle to save

Hector? Why, it's... ehh, you get the idea.

Though the series is pretty good, Evil Con Carne is no match for Grim

Adventures, which is probably why it was dropped for full-time Grim episodes. Part of me wonders if Cartoon Network got uneasy about the whole "terrorist"

thing with 9/11 and US Security and all. Still, the pilot is pretty good. Enjoy.

Scooby-Doo and the Witch's Ghost (1999 Video)

Look out, it's a wiccan... whoops.

[17 August 2004]

Spoilers herein.

If this movie happens right after "Scooby Doo on Zombie Island", we have to

assume that Mystery Inc. has gotten back together, becoming the famed sleuths once again. The show opens up with the gain going after monsters in a famous museum, although they don't get the catch: Ben Ravencroft, a famous horror

writer, apparently snuck in and gets to catch the bad guys! The whole ordeal doesn't hit the gang until the masked men walk away saying they "would have

gotten away with it if it weren't for that meddling... writer!" Freddy does have to admit, he's glad that for once they aren't called kids (at this point, we have to assume by now the gang is in their 20's, possibly even 30's,).

Ben invites the gang to his hometown in Massachusets and tells them about his ancestor, Sarah Ravencroft, who was rumored to be a witch; he says she was a

wiccan and was wrongly persecuted.

Once arriving in town, they see that, supposedly, Sarah's spirit has been rising to haunt the village, bringing out tons of tourists! Naturally, Ben's not happy. He tells Velma about a journal that Sarah kept, and he's been searching for it so he can clear his family's name.

Scooby & Shaggy go about their usual business of eating everything in sight,

and come across an all-girl band named the Hex Girls (of course, not before

thinking they're witches). These girls play out the stereotypical goth band, down to the shredded clothes and prosthetic vampire teeth.

Somewhere in this time frame, the ghost appears and starts to attack, throwing fireballs at Shaggy & Scooby. It's pretty obvious to the audience this ghost is a fake, shouting stupid lines about her persecution and dressed in typical witch clothing: pointed hat, rope belt, you wonder why the guys behind this didn't add a broomstick!

For the sake of people who haven't seen this movie, I won't reveal who is behind the fake ghost (the whole thing gets a little complicated), but the mayor tells Ben he got the idea after accidentally digging up Sarah's grave! Ben's furious, but mostly upset that her journal wasn't there. Suddenly, Velma finds a clue (Jinkies ensue), and locates the journal. Of course, for those of us who have been

paying attention, it's no surprise that it's no journal: it's a book of spells, and Ben wants to bring back Sarah's spirit (since her blood runs in his veins, he has warlock powers). He starts destroying the village, and pulls Sarah's ghost out of the book, but she's not very grateful... things start to go crazy as Mystery Inc. rushes to defeat both Sarah's ghost and Ben before the whole world is

destroyed!

Though most Wiccans will be put off having their dogma thrown around like a

gag (and a lot of Christians won't be happy with how popular the Wiccan

stereotype is viewed), most of the movie isn't half bad. Tim Curry does an

impressive job as Ben. The most painful part, overall, is the Hex Girls music. Many a goth-fan or even those of us who understand goths know that they

would NEVER write lyrics like these. Guess Hanna-Barbara decided to dumb

down the lines so kids would understand.

Not bad, but I'll stick with the classics any day of the week.

Daffy Duck's Quackbusters (1988)

Monsters lead such interesting lives...

[17 August 2004]

During the 80s and early 90s, Warner Bros. produced a number of "clip-show"

movies, consisting of our favorite Looney Tunes facing new challenges, but the majority of the footage was taken from classic cartoons. Some of the others

included "Daffy Duck's Movie: Fantastic Island", "The Looney Looney Bugs

Bunny Movie", & "Bugs Bunny's Third Movie: 1001 Rabbit Tales". However, this one tops them all as best, using the clips to their full potential.

The show starts with the cartoon "Daffy Dilly", in which Daffy is selling novelty gags on the side of the road and hears over the radio that ailing millionaire J.P Cubish will pay a fortune to anyone who can make him laugh one more time

before he passes on. We watch the cartoon, which would normally end with

Cubish throwing pies at Daffy, but the movie picks it right up, and shows that Daffy has inherited the bulk of Cubish's fortune (he died laughing). However, the will says Daffy must use the money to help the community and provide the

service... yeah, right. After all, it's not like Cubish can take him with him, right?

Well, as Daffy finds out... he can. Cubish's ghost returns and starts to take the money, and every time Daffy starts acting up, more money disappears. Finally, the message sinks through and Daffy decides to open up a ghost-catching

business, ala Ghostbusters. He hires Porky (using the popular cartoon "The

Prize Pest"), and Bugs, who only agrees when he hears of the travel

opportunities ("You mean I get to go to Palm Springs?"). However, any time

Daffy threatens to fire his staff or gets greedy, more money vanishes from his vault.

The movie uses some of the "creepiest" Looney Tunes cartoons ever created,

including "Transylvania 6-5000", "The Abominable Snow Rabbit", "Scaredy

Cat", "Hyde & Go Tweet", "The Duxorcist", and others. While it's great to see these classic cartoons, the real fun is watching Daffy try to keep his cool... and his money. Though some younger kids may get scared off whenever Cubish

returns (everything goes dark, clap of thunder and lightning, and the music gets a little creepy), I highly recommend this cartoon for the whole family. Be sure to watch the opening cartoon of "Night of the Living Duck" for a real Halloween- themed treat.

The Duxorcist (1987)

Mary had a little lamb... BUT I ATE IT!

[17 August 2004]

If there was ever an award for freakiest Looney Tunes short, it would probably go to "The Duxorcist", which plays off "The Exorcist". Most people would wonder how Warner Bros. could produce a cartoon that parodied what is considered to

be the #1 scariest movie of all time. However, they did it, though it is still pretty scary (note: most young children probably won't like this).

Playing right along the movie "Daffy Duck's Quackbusters", Daffy gets a house call from a young duck-lady who says there's something paranormal going on

with her household appliances. Of course, what Daffy doesn't realize is that the haunting isn't with the microwave or the blender... but with the lady herself. Daffy tries to exorcise the demons out of her (thankfully, without the use of a priest and holy water), but may have a few problems when the demons leave

her body and see Daffy as a new host...

Despite being very funny, this cartoon is about as spooky as Looney Tunes got. Most fans of the original movie will love it, but younger children will probably not be too thrilled, especially when the lady starts to transform into the monster. Suggestion: put the kids to bed and put this on for the teenagers, they'll love it.

Godzilla (I) (1998)

Has its ups and downs

[13 August 2004]

Overall, I thought the movie was pretty good. I'm a big action-movie fan and was looking forward to this from the moment I saw the teaser trailer involving the T- Rex skeleton (man, that was cool!).

Let's start with the good parts of this movie: the special effects were superb. Godzilla and his/her children looked flawless, and I especially like the new look. If you look at the pictures of the iguanas (or komodo dragons, whichever they were), you can see a lot of similarities in design, skin patters, everything. For the first time, I can see see exactly how a creature like that would have evolved. Though a lot of people complained about the eggs being useless time-filler, I thought the idea was pretty good; after all, how long can an audience watch the army shoot at Godzilla before they officially get bored?

Right here, I think I have to put a positive note on my favorite part of the movie: right after the attack on the eggs, when the supposedly "destroyed" Godzilla shows up and sees the dead babies... and then sees the humans responsible.

You can hear the entire audience saying, "Oh man, now he's pissed."

However, the actors were poorly picked, obviously chosen because no major actor would touch this role with a 10-foot pole. Matthew Broderick is a great actor (he's proves himself on stage and screen), but he just doesn't fit into the action-move leading man, coming off more as a wuss than anything else. Maria Pitillo is in the same situation; even though her character is supposed to be a "nice-girl stereotype", even when she is trying to show how tough she can be, we just can't help but laugh. Aww, the sweet little girl wants to be a bitchy reporter! Sorry, just doesn't work. Jean Russo, Kevin Dunn, and Hank Azaria are the best parts of the whole movie, though most of Azaria's lines were put in for comic relief than anything else (mostly good, but often excessive).

Unfortunately, the second bad part is the realism of the whole movie (besides the giant lizard walking through downtown trying to catch a cab). Read any other review and it will give you countless reasons why nothing in this movie won't make sense. My main complaints include the stupidity of the army, the needless jab at Siskel and Ebert, and how I couldn't stop comparing the babies to the raptors of Jurrasic Park. Seriously, did someone cut and paste?

Not bad, but not very good either. 5/10.

Voyage of the Unicorn (2001)

Not very faithful to the book

[12 August 2004]

A couple of years ago, I got a book from my parents call "Voyage of the Basset", which I fell in love with completely (as I'm a huge fan of mythology). Then, last summer, I came across this movie on my TiVO listing and decided to record it, recognizing it immediately as being based off one of my all-time favorite books. However, I was soon disappointed.

The original story takes place back in the 19th century, when a professor is fired for teaching mythology and preaching the use of imagination. Then, he and his two daughters board the Basset, which is run by multiple dwarfs (in the movie, there are only two). Many elements are still the same (including the minotaur and Medusa joining the voyage, though the sphinx joins early on as well, and

so does a manticore). Also, the plotline with Oberon and Titania is really bizarre and has nothing to do with the original story.

Overall, the movie isn't half bad, but if you're expecting it to be just like the story, it's really a waste of time and rather annoying.

The Cramp Twins (2001–2005)

Disaster from Start to Finish

[9 August 2004]

When I originally saw the commercials for The Cramp Twins, I was curious, but not really excited. The animation looked rather disappointing (the black lines around each character and the bizzare colors don't really add to the effect), but I decided to give it a shot anyway. After just a few episodes, I realized that something: IT SUCKS! The characters are flatter than cardboard, and I'm not talking about the animation style. Lucien is a dork, Wayne is a psycho, their mom is a neat-freak to end all neat-freaks, and their father... well, he's just an idiot.

The whole show makes my stomach turn, there's nothing new or original about it, and watching Wayne and Lucien fight is a disappointment (Wayne calls him "girl-pants", which was funny for the first five minutes, but now it's just annoying). Their friends are even weirder; Lucien hangs out with a boy who is about a foot tall, and apparently from a tribe of Swamp People (as if that makes any sense).

This show is a living nightmare, and needs to be canceled as soon as possible.

Johnny Bravo (1997–2004)

Ok, then pretty good, and now... ouch.

[8 August 2004]

I started watching Johnny Bravo when it first came on Cartoon Network, and

even though it wasn't my favorite cartoon by far, I did enjoy it. Parts of it were pretty funny, while the rest was just a bit to cutesy for my taste.

That's when the series changed, and Kirk Tingblad started to take over. I really started to enjoy the series now: not only were new characters added (Carl and Pops, also Suzy's classmates), but more depth was given to Johnny's world and the other people in his lives. Also, the animation was sharper and much

brighter, giving it a much better appeal.

Unfortunately, Van Particle took back over soon, and the show has sped

downhill so fast it made my head spin. Not only has it lost its sharper look and many of the other characters are downplayed to almost being non-existent, but the writing was horrible, the jokes made no sense (I have a feeling only one or two people were laughing at the storyboard meetings), and the show is almost

too painful to watch now.

Tingblad, if you read this, please come back! You did Johnny better than

anyone!

A Pup Named Scooby-Doo (1988–1991)

What were they thinking?

[30 March 2004]

The creators of A Pup named Scooby-Doo seem to be drawing on the fame of the original Scooby-Doo cartoons to do all the work. The show is lacking in every way, shape, and form. For starters, while the animation is not completely terrible, the color is over-done and terribly over-saturated. The creators also seem to be a little "wild take-happy" and never miss the chance to have the characters (kids and adults alike) freak out into weird shapes, have their eyes bulge out, tongues going everywhere, you get the general idea. While many of the takes are creative and interesting, it gets really old really fast. The writing lacks a few points, namely in the villain design and the solving of the mystery. Among the villains include a Totem Pole Monster, the hairy Big Wig, artist Paula P. Casso, comic book creation Dr. Croaker, the Cheese Monster in the Scooby-Snack factory (which, by the way, is played up way like crazy), and a three-headed movie monster called Boogedy Bones. I'll take a hundred Snow Ghosts and Zombies before I watch these bad guys take their turns scaring our favorite sleuths.

I also blame this show for ruining the characters of Scooby-Doo that we all love. Shaggy & Scooby both remain true to their original characteristics, but that's it, and it's probably just because they have the original Don Messick and Casey Kasem doing the voices. Freddy, Daphne, and Velma are pulled way out of context: Fred was never the "paranoid conspiracy-theorist", Daphne was not that much of a rich snob, and even though Velma was the brains of the group, she is downplayed as a child-genius with a giant super-computer in her back pocket. They are drier than cardboard and painful to watch.

Overall, I really don't recommend this cartoon to anyone, even die-hard Scooby-Doo fans. This show was not created as a separate entity, but purely to live off of the original Scooby fame. Do yourself a favor and watch some original "Scooby-Doo, Where Are You?" episodes before you even think about watch this.

Looney Tunes: Back in Action (2003)

Cartoons good, live-action bad

[13 March 2004]

I'm a huge Looney Tunes fan, if not a major cartoon fanatic alone, so when I found out this movie was being made, I jumped for the chance to see it. First off, I was thrilled to see that the creators stuck to the "Roger Rabbit" technique, in which the cartoons were all hand-drawn and computers are only used to add color and depth (to give the 3D appearance of the characters). Second, I thought that the cartoons themselves were great. Bugs, Daffy, Porky, Yosemite Sam, Foghorn, Speedy Gonzales, Elmer... they all stuck to the same characteristics that I grew to love watching Bugs Bunny cartoons on Saturday morning. The only real draw-back of this movie was, without a doubt, the live-action actors. Brendan Fraser is good, but he can't live up to his past movies (especially "The Mummy" saga). The same goes to Jenna Elfman, who's talent is severly wasted as she comes across as the most serious character in the whole movie. Timothy Dalton, as usual, is flawless (and if you look closely, you can actually see how closely Fraser and Dalton look alike). Steve Martin, meanwhile, makes one of the worst performances of his career, and acts WAY too over the top, even for an eccentric villain.

The movie is good, but only is you are a truly devoted cartoon-lover (if you are, then you'll get a huge kick out of the opening sequence alone). Overall, come for Bugs, leave for Martin.

Ready, Woolen and Able (1960)

Something about this seems familiar...

[23 November 2003]

When I first saw this cartoon years ago, I was convinced that Ralph had to be Wile E. Coyote with red paint on his nose. After all, Ralph follows Wile E.'s moves to a T, from ordering products from the ACME company (the bedsprings on the feet), to falling off the cliff (complete with the bird's eye view that we've all grown to love on the Wile E./Road Runner cartoons), and even holding up the little umbrella when he's almost flattened by a boulder. Even now that I'm older and know the difference between the two cartoon characters, I watch this cartoon and I still feel a strong Wile E. Coyote sense to it (watch any of the Road Runner cartoons directed by Chuck Jones and you'll understand what I mean). I don't know if it's because of that feeling or not, but this is one of my favorites, hands down. When Ralph starts seeing Sam all over the place is a classic running gag that I love watching, no matter how many times it gets copied. I recommend this cartoon to any avid fan, no doubt about it.