newjersian Reviews

Neve (2013)

The stupidest movie of all time

[1/10 · 24 September 2023]

This boring and bleak film doesn't deserve to be brought to screen.

There is no story in it, it consists simply of the ordinary actions of two absolutely faded characters: washed, shaved, ate in a restaurant, drove along the road, went to the toilet and snow, snow, a lot of snow.

It's hard to understand what the filmmakers were thinking when they made this rubbish. Unsurprisingly, the film grossed $3,100 worldwide. Only masochists can watch such a picture, and even there are only a few of them.

However, if anyone has sleeping problems, just watch this colorless and unremarkable, slow, boring and predictable movie. I guarantee that you'll fall asleep in the middle.

The Good Neighbor (I) (2022)

Banal and contrived

[2/10 · 3 June 2023]

This movie is a sophisticated mockery of common sense and logic. Apparently, it was initially created for unpretentious and stupid audience.

It was one absurdity after another; one convenient plot manipulation after another. At every turn of the plot, you wonder how the criminal could be so dumb to leave such a trail of damning evidence behind and how the police can be even dumber not figuring it out.

However, that this absolutely impossible story rates well with a lot of viewers is proof that the U. S. is turning into a nation of ignoramuses.

A lot of murders in this movie but it would've been far better to have killed the script writer.

The Rose Garden (1989)

A tragic story converted to a soap opera

[3/10 · 3 April 2023]

When the film makers take a real story and overload it with details that don't make any good to the main topic it's a sign of failure.

Even the brilliant actor Maximilian Schell could not play that drivel. I met hundreds of Holocaust survivors. I had them among my family and friends. My in-law survived Auschwitz after he saw how his mother and little sisters were taken to the gas chambers. However, none of those people who went through unthinkable suffering behaved in such a crazy manner that Maximilian Schell shows to us.

The court proceedings in this movie are highly impossible. And the side story about two successful lawyers who are unable to find a babysitter for their daughter is just laughable.

It's a pity that an excellent team of movie makers lost a great opportunity and produced a cheap soap opera that is instantly forgettable.

Corps à corps (2003)

Silly French thriller

[2/10 · 12 September 2022]

This movie is a bold mockery of common sense and logic.

It is just an unrealistic goofy story.

The script has more holes than a fisherman's net.

Why the heroine did need transplants? They would not make her look similar to the villain's wife.

Why a successful doctor suddenly started to work in construction?

Apparently, he loves children. Why would he torture his own young son?

At the end, the child tells us that he's coming to the grave of his father very often. But he lives with his mother in the city while the cemetery is located in the village. How the child comes there without his mother?

The villain constructed a very impressive medical facility with a special electric distribution box. But where is the stand-by generator which is a must in that case? How did he feed his comatose daughter? How did he change the bed sheets without disclosing the location to his wife?

And so on, and so on, too many absurdities.

However, the heroine has a very good body which she's not afraid to show. So for that, I added one point to the emptiness and stupidity of the story.

While this absolutely impossible story rates well with a lot of viewers it is proof that the U. S. is turning into a nation of ignoramuses.

Trade-Off (1995 TV Movie)

A cheap parody of a thriller

[1/10 · 19 June 2022]

What a dumb movie! At every turn of the plot, you wonder how could the criminal be so dumb as to leave such a trail of damning evidence behind and how the police can be even dumber not figuring it out.

It's understandable that a made-for-TV movie should be judged by a lower standard than the real cinema. However, The trade-off breaks all standards with its unbelievable story, inept direction, and negligent actors' work.

In general, this film offers very little to the viewer. Avoid it without losing anything of a real cinematographic value.

Ein gefährliches Angebot (2016 TV Movie)

A primitive and simplistic story

[3/10 · 13 June 2022]

This is a colorless and unremarkable, boring, and predictable movie.

It demonstrates good acting but that alone can't save a script and story that is devoid of interest and excitement.

That's why it desperately, but unsuccessfully, tries to bring some new lines in a story that we've already seen many times in movies of much better quality.

Overall, it is a forgettable flop for which I give no more than 3 stars out of ten.

Les Dames: Dame de pique (2011) Season 1, Episode 2

A French absurdity

[2/10 · 26 May 2022]

This is a totally unrealistic film.

At every turn of the plot, you wonder how could the criminal be so dumb as to leave such a trail of damning evidence behind and how the police can be even dumber not figuring it out.

However, that this absolutely impossible story rates well with a lot of viewers is proof that the U. S. is turning into a nation of ignoramuses.

Cold Trail (2006)

A lot of snow, believable action not so much

[2/10 · 9 May 2022]

This is a colorless and unremarkable, slow, boring, and predictable movie. But the little horses and deers are a plus. However, you can see them in a zoo rather than wasting your time on this amateurish flop.

Citizen Cohn (1992 TV Movie)

A cheap caricature

[1/10 · 1 May 2022]

Apparently, this movie was created for the unpretentious and stupid audience that is used to Hollywood-style twists of history.

The American communists were a real danger to our way of life. They praised the biggest killer in human history, the Russian leader Joe Stalin. They shared American secrets with our enemies. And they brainwashed American youth with the ideas of the communist revolution.

Senator McCarthy (and Roy Cohn, of course) did a very important job of trying to stop the communist insurgence.

Instead of telling us the real story of that fight, the creators of this movie presented the viewer with a cheap and vulgar caricature. It is hard for me to understand how a superb actor like James Woods would sign up for such a piece of crap! This film is squalor in all categories!

Wszystko, co najwazniejsze... (1992)

Very powerful movie

[10/10 · 21 February 2022]

The film is based on the real life of Polish writer Alexander Wat and his wife Ola. When Germans and Soviets occupied Poland in 1939 many Jews fled to the Soviet occupation zone. Over there they were forced to accept Soviet citizenship. Those who refused were arrested and sent to the Eastern parts of the USSR.

During the war, they lived in subhuman conditions. Many didn't survive, and many were just shot by the Soviet secret service.

The movie depicts the life of Ola Wat and her little son Andrzej in Kazakhstan. The script is based on Ola's memoir which describes the terrible suffering of Poles in Russian exile.

Once again the Polish cinematography produced a brilliant movie that is worth watching.

Accused (2014)

Fictitious account of the real case

[3/10 · 25 January 2022]

I don't understand why this movie is getting such high ratings.

Most stories based on real facts include some fictitious characters and events. However, in this case, there's more fiction than facts.

The invented young prosecution assistant played by Sallie Harmsen is an absolute fiasco. Her supposed "heroism" is out of touch with reality. In addition, Sallie gives such a wooden performance that it is painful to watch.

It's hard to understand why the creators of this flop omitted the fact that Celia de Berk received solid monetary compensation from the Dutch government.

It's a great real story that resulted in a lost opportunity.

The Unforgivable (2021)

Snotty melodrama

[3/10 · 23 December 2021]

This is a colorless and unremarkable film with a boring plot. To sum it up: simplistic unbelievable story, amateurish direction, and actors who are suffering from the stupidity of scenes they have to play.

The film tries to tell many well-known and popular stories: murder, prison, love to a lost child, unfaithful wife. So many at once and all are complete failures since they don't tell us anything that we didn't see many times before.

The Fall of the American Empire (2018)

The movie is a mockery of common sense

[2/10 · 15 December 2021]

Apparently, this unrealistic goofy story was initially created for unpretentious and stupid audience.

Nothing in this story makes any sense. At every turn of the plot, you wonder how could the criminal be so dumb to leave such a trail of damning evidence behind and how the police can be even dumber not figuring it out.

As a critic once said, "Making a commercially viable film in Canada is like trying to compete with Ford by building a car in your basement." No wonder this movie is still more than 2 million dollars short of recovering the money spent on filming it.

However, the beautiful girl is a plus. So my score is 2 instead of 1.

Die Flucht (2007 TV Movie)

A soap opera instead of a tragedy

[2/10 · 11 December 2021]

Some people here write about Soviet "barbarism" and "genocide" against the Germans. Really? Almost 14 million Soviet civilians died in that war.

German soldiers committed inhuman atrocities in the Russian land.

On the other side, German civilian population losses were about 2 million, mostly from the American-British airstrikes.

This movie doesn't show much suffering. I was 4 years old when my family fled Moscow in October 1941. I can tell the creators of this soap opera what REAL suffering means.

Germans claim that Soviet soldiers raped about 2 million German women. Maybe next time when Germans are poised to start another war they will think more about the plight of their wives and daughters.

The Advocate's Devil (1997 TV Movie)

Not worth watching

[1/10 · 10 December 2021]

I couldn't believe that Alan Dershowitz wrote such a cheap, predictable, politically correct, and unbelievable story. The movie itself is OK for the B-rated TV flick. The acting is good, the cinematography is appropriate; the director's work is not bad. However, all this effort is wasted on a very dumb and predictable story that is not worth watching.

La caja 507 (2002)

Not impressive

[5/10 · 30 November 2021]

Excellent cinematography, flawless direction, very good actors. And all this was wasted on a lousy, implausible, weak script that doesn't make any sense.

The movie starts with a killing of a 14 years old girl. And there's absolutely no reason for that crime. People who deal with billions of pesos kill a girl for no reason and no advantage to them?

And then follows a series of events that leave holes in the script bigger than the holes in a fisherman net.

At the end the director of the bank that was robbed gets a lot of money via a transfer which he openly spends on new purchases.

Really? And police doesn't make a notice of that?

It is just a unrealistic goofy story.

However, that this absolutely impossible story rates well with a lot of viewers is proof that the U. S. is turning into a nation of ignoramuses.

Secret Weapons (1985 TV Movie)

Bad parody!

[1/10 · 25 November 2021]

This is the most ridiculous movie I ever saw. It's so cheap that the creators of that drivel saved money even on a hiring of a good consultant. In absence of such the movie is rather a bad parody on Soviet life, implausible, inaccurate and bordering a caricature. Not worth watching!

Beautiful Dreamer (2006)

Stupid. Boring. Predictable.

[1/10 · 30 October 2021]

This D-rated movie has all three components of a grandiose failure: inept script writer, amateurish director and bad actors. It is a mockery of common sense and logic.

The film is full of foolishness, illogical and stupid actions.

It demonstrates absolutely impossible behaviors and dialogues of real people. A totally unrealistic film.

Sweet Dreams (1996 TV Movie)

A very stupid movie

[1/10 · 29 October 2021]

Usually the B-rated movies provide a good entertaining on a quiet evening. However, Sweet Dreams is unpleasant, inept movie with a plot that has more holes than a fisherman's net. Any intelligent person can't enjoy such a level of stupidity for one and a half hour.

This movie is just a mockery of common sense and logic. The film is full of foolishness, illogical and stupid actions.

Apparently this movie was initially created for unpretentious and stupid audience.

Forgettable and avoidable!

Lies (1983)

Very stupid D-rated movie

[1/10 · 7 October 2021]

This movie is a collection of one absurdity after another, one convenient plot manipulation after another. It is a primitive mockery of common sense and logic.

However, that this absolutely impossible story rates well with a lot of viewers is proof that the U. S. has turned into a nation of ignoramuses.

Black Widow (1987)

This is a totally unrealistic film.

[3/10 · 29 September 2021]

Apparently this movie was initially created for unpretentious and stupid audience. At every turn of the plot you wonder how could the criminal be so dumb to leave such a trail of damning evidence behind and how the police can be even dumber not figuring it out.

However, that this absolutely impossible story rates well with a lot of viewers is proof that the U. S. is turning into a nation of ignoramuses.

Dead of Winter (1987)

Dead around the year

[2/10 · 23 September 2021]

This movie is a sophisticated mockery of common sense and logic. It was one absurdity after another; one convenient plot manipulation after another. Just a unrealistic goofy story.

However, Mary Steenburgen is a good actress and she beautifies the stupidity of this reprehensible movie.

Blood Relatives (1978)

I don't understand why this movie is getting such a high ratings.

[4/10 · 22 September 2021]

As a critic once said, "Making a commercially viable film in Canada is like trying to compete with Ford by building a car in your basement." The lack of attention to details is really inexcusable. When even small details are overlooked, it creates doubt for the viewer.

The investigators found the knife. What, no fingerprints? There were killer's blood stains. Couldn't the detectives match even the blood type? And finally, if the girl lied in the beginning, why the investigator believed her story? Why didn't he press her more?

Both girls are beautiful, but they are bad actresses. Although it comes from a great director, this movie looks very amateurish in the script writing ( Claude Chabrol took a part in it) and in his direction.

One on Top of the Other (1969)

A real Italian drivel

[3/10 · 5 September 2021]

It could've been a good detective story. However, instead of that we received two films: an absolutely spoiled detective and cheap amateurish soft core porn.

Adding to this a wooden actors and inept direction, we got a real Italian dreck that is not worth watching.

The movie deserves a 1 point score but beautiful women is a plus. So I give this movie 3 points and recommend to avoid it by any means, especially when there are many good Italian films for real entertainment.

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse (1962)

A colorless and unremarkable film

[3/10 · 2 September 2021]

Just finished to watch this soap opera exploiting the war themes. It was one absurdity after another; one convenient plot manipulation after another.

It shows absolutely impossible behaviors and dialogues of real people giving the viewer a totally unrealistic film. I strongly feel that I just wasted two and a half hours of my life.