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Alien³ (1992)
One of the worst betrayals of a franchise in cinema history
*** SPOILER ALERT*** This review WILL reveal story elements and other spoilers, stop now if you do not wish to know such information!!!
"Alien" was an accidental masterpiece. O'Bannon, Scott and some inspired acting all added up to one of the best monster movies (even it WAS just a guy in a suit in the final analysis) of all time. As a teenager of that time, I can tell you it was seminal to our appreciation of horror AND sci-fi! "Aliens" was sheer genius and one of the most FUN movies to just roller-coaster through! One of the best sci-fi action pictures ever (that's 2 feathers in the cap of this franchise).
"Aliens3" brought the sleek bullet-train of the franchise smashing at 130 mph right into a mountain. Never in the history of motion pictures has a deus ex machina so flagrantly betrayed a fanbase. Let's see, you the viewer sat through 4+ hours of gripping excitement and chills...only to have the utter bad-ass heroes, including at CHILD who was one of the coolest young characters ever written for the screen simply wasted OFF SCREEN?????? Oh, but we're being ARTSY here so it's OK. Never mind that the Queen had NO EGGSAC left to make anymore eggs (and clearly wasn't carrying any on her body). Never mind that Burke never had a chance to bring any eggs to the second drop ship, him being busy with dying and all.
The BEST I could come up with was Bishop having had secret(possibly even to himself) programming to stash a few eggs on the second dropship when he piloted it down. Of course...where did he GET them? The medical bay only had the two facehuggers. Again, DEUS EX MACHINA. Oz, The Great and Terrible!!! Or in simpler terms LAMENESS beyond anything I've seen on the screen.
As if all that wasn't insult enough, the followup to all this heroism is a world of villains and freaks you actually WANTED to see die off anyway? Real good cinematic triumph there Fincher. Again, lame and horrid. Just a sad attempt to make money at the cost of art.
As far as I'm concerned, the school of thought that says "Aliens 3" and "Alien: Ressurrection" were simply hypersleep nightmares had by the survivors (most likely Ripley) is the ONLY explanation for this TRAVESTY.
End of Line.
Innocent Blood (1992)
A Well Kept Secret for Vampire Movie Fans
This film, while clearly not an award winning feature film or art house bombshell, is nonetheless a treat for anyone who is a fan of the Vampire tale.
It is a dark comedy with some truly entertaining character performances, particularly by Robert Loggia as Sally the Shark and Anna as the cute but deadly Marie the vampire.
Go into this film seeking only gory comedy and some goofy but fun vampire lore and you'll have a blast.
Without going into spoilers, this is basically the Mob vs. vampires and some hilarious twists off of that.
There's a little Italian stereotyping so be forewarned if that sort of thing offends you.
Otherwise, great performances of static but fun characters and look for a few cameos from such luminaries as Sam Raimi and more!
The Omega Man (1971)
May Omega Never End!
When reviewing a movie, a mistake that many, many people make is not putting it in its proper temporal context, to wit, this movie was made in 1971.
As other adept reviewers before me have noted, it is a time capsule of the weird time it was made in. This was the strange cusp between chaos of the 60's and the impending banality/identity crisis of the '70's for American society.
So the movie, in its temporal context, was taking some major chances. There are interracial sexual relationships, blatant but appropriate religious imagery and even an overriding and obvious sense of parable. The uncertainties of the world around us IN 1971 is mirrored magnificently in this film (what some call "cheese" or "camp," some of us call defining a time in crystal clear and honest metaphor).
Heston, who seems to be an actor who is either totally loved or totally reviled (I'm in the former camp), was Taylor...errr...tailor made...for this role. He IS Colonel Neville. I disagree strongly with those who think his performance was weak here. In fact, I think it was a challenge to play so much time alone on the camera in monologue and to do it without seeming too outre.
The gem of this movie however, is Anthony Zerbe as Brother Matthias. I really believe this was one of the best sci-fi villains ever played out on a screen. His control of voice was masterful. One can almost, if they have imagination, let their mind be lulled by his cadenced tones, his subtle intonations, which contrast startingly with his underlying maniacal message. I admit it, even as a teenager, I was secretly rooting for The Family!
This movie will appall anyone looking for bigbudget action, or elegant movie-making. It will be a classic and permanent favorite of those who have their own internal time machines and can relive, or experience for the first time, the paranoia, despair and confusion that were rampant betwixt Vietnam, Woodstock (featured in the film I might add!) and Watergate.
A classic to those with vision.
Eraserhead (1977)
The worst kind of pseudo-surrealistic garbage disguised as "art."
I normally don't like to badmouth a film, even a bad one. I try to find some sort of redeeming value for the time I invested, even if it's just to laugh at the badness.
This film however takes the cake. I want my 88 minutes back. I want to kick David Lynch's behind. The only "power" this movie had for me was the power to sicken and irritate.
Art films are fine. There are many out there. "The Seventh Sign" by Ingmar Bergman for example. Watch those not this. I've always prided myself on attempting to be cultured enough to watch even the most tedious of art films and find something redeeming or artistic.
OK, OK, I'm ranting. This film is THAT bad. It's made far worse by the vast amount of praise it gets when, in my opinion, it's a sophomoric attempt at surrealistic grandeur.
Lynch has serious problems. I might have been willing to give the movie a 2 or a 3 for at least attempting to be artsy but then I watched the extras and was subjected to him stuttering on (even more time he owes me) in disjointed paroxysms about how awesome the drawer of pudding and peas was, etc. *sigh* Many reviewers here have already said things like this and I want to back them up! The Art Institute that gave him the grant should have been shut down (and possibly brought up on charges for damage to the psyche of viewers). This film really is, as one person here put it, like "The Emporers New Clothes."
All right, alright, I'll calm down and try to give a more direct synopsis:
**SPOILER ALERT: MILD SPOILERS AHEAD** The film is set in a dreamy sepia-toned gritty world of industrial decay. The characters seem to follow no known pattern of behavior, the "monsters" are very, VERY poorly animated (in the opening sequence you can actually see the strings...maybe THAT was supposed to be artsy too?), the FX are simplistic, and even the dialogue is secondary to the parade of lighting and attempted artsy camera-work that fails abysmally by being both unnecessary, overwrought and FAR TOO TEDIOUS.
While it's obvious, especially after listening to Lynch's monologue, that there ARE some themes going here, parental fear, fatherhood and the nascent horror of being, the actual delivery of the film is so languid and...words just don't exist to describe it...overwrought, overreaching, etc. are the best I can do...that the film made me almost catatonic while watching it.
I will concede that there are many people who might enjoy this, especially those who enjoy disjointed and/or viscerally disgusting images.
OK, I take one thing back: there IS one redeeming thing about the film that being the sounds. In their ability to raise one's hackles they succeed (and I have to think that was part of what Lynch was trying to do). The ongoing, seemingly incessant strange thumpings and undertones of distant factory noises, is like Chinese water torture. If that's what he was trying to accomplish then the film "succeeded" in that one way. Not something to be proud of or praised for. I could as easily listen to fingernails on a chalkboard for 88 minutes and get as much artistic value out of it. To say nothing of entertainment.
Movies are made to entertain, that is their function and reason for being. This film does not entertain, it sickens, repulses and BORES. I cannot recommend enough avoiding this sepia-toned waste of celluloid.
P.S. I apologize for the rant but it's just THAT BAD and I feel it my civic duty to warn viewers.
P.P.S. What the heck was with those cheeks???! I kept expecting cockroaches to burst from them or something. Sick.
The Wizard of Speed and Time (1988)
A Triumph for Dreamers Everywhere!!!
This film is magic at its best pure and simple. As such it's not for everyone. People who don't like silliness or weirdness will probably find it dull or worse. But anyone who believes in magic, who wants to see wonders unfold before their eyes and who can be silly for the duration of the film will find it an absolute treat.
The Wizard, Mike Jittlov, whisks us into his fantasy world almost immediately and it's a roller-coaster of cheesy but fun jokes and truly astounding and heart-felt FX that speak to the child in each of us.
The sheer kinetic ENERGY of this thing makes you feel like you could fly (or run on air anyway)! Rumors are that Sam Raimi/Bruce Campbell actually asked Mike Jittlov to visit them to preview a little film they'd thrown together called "Evil Dead" because they wanted someone who they respected to give the thumbs up to their movie before it debuted! Dreamers rejoice in the chaotic joy that is "The Wizard of Speed and Time!"
Gargoyles (1972)
An excellent movie for the young at heart!
I saw this film when I was around 10 years old. Back then, in a less "sophisticated" time and to the eyes of a young boy, it was a great movie! The makeup (which I learned today was early Stan Winston!!) was absolutely superb and the voice effects for The Gargoyle were creepy and cool.
The desert settings and the weird photography/slow motion/music effects all added to the eerie, desolate weirdness of this movie.
As an adult, especially a modern one, I'm sure it would be a Saturday afternoon bomb at best. But if one watches it with a little innocence, it becomes a cult classic with much to offer. Enjoy!