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Pain & Gain (2013)
Everyone associated with this movie ought to be ashamed of themselves.
The only way I'd like this movie is if Charles Bronson showed-up and took out the trash. The trash being the main characters. I don't understand how anyone can root for murderers and torturers. It's sick to turn such horrible real-life events into a comedy.
Separated at Birth (2018)
Worth a watch.
If you like Lifetime movies, you'll enjoy this one. No, it's not a '10'....but no, it's not a '1'. Anyone who says it's a '1' is lying, I assure you of that. There's nothing to get annoyed about; it's a good movie. Family drama, politics, scandal, accusations, sex, jealousy, etc....it's the type of Lifetime movie we all love. It doesn't hit the emotions enough to go above a '6' rating for me....but it had a good story with interesting twists & turns.
Avengers: Infinity War (2018)
Awful. Boring. Nothing was good in this movie.
I wasn't expecting much going in. I figured it would be all action, since there are so many characters. But I at least thought some of the action would be entertaining. But it wasn't. Not one action scene was any good. Thor Ragnarok was a masterpiece compared to this. This movie was truly dreadful. My girlfriend, who normally likes any superhero movie that's action-packed, even though this movie stunk. Many boring scenes of talking....all about nonsense. Because when every single character can do absolutely anything....when every character has powers that are limitless....like for instance, let's go to outer-space, let's teleport, let's shoot a rope that curves 20 times and wraps around our opponent....when anyone can do anything....the result is total boredom after a short while. The 9.0/10 rating here is Fake News, I guarantee you that. Statistically impossible....especially for such a bad movie. I was sooo bored.
Wonder Woman (2017)
Don't believe the LIES.
Before seeing this movie, I read a bunch of critic reviews....and I read several reviews from IMDb users. It's mostly LIES. It's not just a difference of opinion. It's lies. They even say specific things, good and bad, to get you to believe them. But when you actually see the movie, you see that they're lying. I will give you an HONEST review.
The good: Gal Gadot. And the Wonder Woman character. I enjoyed watching her on the screen. I enjoyed how she spoke, what she said....pretty much everything. And the story was a good introduction to the character.
The okay: Steve Trevor and the main villain. Nothing special, but decent.
The bad: The rest of the supporting characters were annoying and/or worthless. And the movie was long and got boring at times.
Overall it's a 6/10.
Star Wars: Episode VIII - The Last Jedi (2017)
There was ONE good scene in the entire movie.
Toward the end....a Luke Skywalker scene. Other than that, this movie was pure garbage. Not only that....but it forces political-correctness down your throat in the smuggest of ways. Blatantly, and with smugness. But don't get me wrong....the movie stinks even if you like political-correctness.
Wonder Woman (2017)
Don't believe the LIES.
Before seeing this movie, I read a bunch of critic reviews....and I read several reviews from IMDb users. It's mostly LIES. It's not just a difference of opinion. It's lies. They even say specific things, good and bad, to get you to believe them. But when you actually see the movie, you see that they're lying. I will give you an HONEST review.
The good: Gal Gadot. And the Wonder Woman character. I enjoyed watching her on the screen. I enjoyed how she spoke, what she said....pretty much everything. And the story was a good introduction to the character.
The okay: Steve Trevor and the main villain. Nothing special, but decent.
The bad: The rest of the supporting characters were annoying and/or worthless. And the movie was long and got boring at times.
Overall it's a 6/10.
Alien: Covenant (2017)
Disgusting movie. Gross.
What is the appeal in this? People walk around in the woods....living spores invade them in gross ways....and then gross disgusting creatures emerge out of their bodies. And attack or run away. And that's it. Don't try to eat popcorn or anything while watching this; it's nasty. There are no good characters and no plot. It's the equivalent of watching a movie about someone with a horrible disease....and watching the last stages as the disease fills their whole body....and seeing up- close views of it. Totally revolting. The only difference is this movie takes place in space. We walked-out of the theater after about 40 minutes; we could tell that it was just going to be more of the same. The nastiness just kept getting worse.
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017)
A movie for small children. It's garbage for adults.
For an adult, I rate this move 2 out of 10 stars. Very bad. It's designed to appeal to small children only. It's like watching a pinball machine; totally random headache action. Nothing makes any sense. For instance, a guy throws an arrow....and it makes 500 zig-zags and kills 40 people at once. Or a guy is riding on some plasma-platform....and the thing just automatically knows exactly where to go, and it automatically transforms itself and attaches to whatever it needs to. I mean it's like if I said "I feel like going 10 miles to the store"....and then my chair just flew me there in 10 seconds. Totally random, stupid, and headache. The plot is weak. The characters are very shallow and dull. Out of 2 hours....there was maybe 10 minutes of decent plot or character interaction. But for this movie to be rated 8.1....I mean come on, people. We know it's rigged. We know they closed the message-boards to stifle differing opinions. They want the critics and media to dictate what's good and what's bad. This movie was complete crap.
John Wick: Chapter 2 (2017)
Mindless repetitive action...no story, no drama, he can kill 100 guys at the same time...
And all of this equals boredom. 2 hours of the same thing over and over. A movie for young teens who judge movies as they do video games; the more kills, the better. After the 30th guy got his head blown off, it became totally boring to me. John Wick gets hit by a car 6 times, gets thrown down a flight of stairs 10 times, gets punched and kicked 500 times...and yet he keeps fighting. He fights 30 guys at the same time, with a gun or without, and he always wins. There is zero plot, zero character development, zero drama...it's all mindless action. And repetitive. Fistfights, guns, and cars. Nothing else. Nothing creative. Well they tried to be creative a couple times...like wasting 15 minutes with a woman doing an elaborate yet gross suicide...and for no reason other than to slap something 'original' up on the screen. It was completely pointless. How this movie is rated highly is beyond me. Like I say, it must be young teens who judge movies on number of kills. PS - I'm not exaggerating. The main bad guy simply puts a message into his phone, and within 3 minutes, literally the entire city is out to kill John Wick. So he has to fight 30 guys at a time, killing 500 guys within 20 minutes or so. Mind-numbingly stupid and boring.
Krampus (2015)
Imagine the Griswold family in a B-rate cheese horror flick.
The Griswold family from the National Lampoon's Vacation series, that is. You know, Chevy Chase and that corny comedy. So imagine them in a B-rate cheese horror flick. If that's your cup of tea, then you MIGHT like Krampus (it's still bad though). Apparently a lot of people do, because I see a good rating and many good reviews for this film. It's hard for me to believe that these reviews are real. Very hard.
It's not scary. It's not mysterious. It's not spooky. It's not interesting. It's strictly 100% corn-ball comedy mixed-in with the B-movie type of over-the-top horror/comedy. So bad it's good (for those who like such a thing).
Me....I thought it stunk. The comedy was excruciatingly bad. And the horror....for me to find it funny, you have to go all-out....like Re-Animator or something. Just having a couple wacky scenes is not enough. Especially when it's not clever and I've seen it a hundred times. Plus it got really boring for a while toward the end. Lots of LOUD yelling and screaming; annoying.
Bottom line: If you're looking for a real horror movie, pass on this one. If you want a corn-ball horror flick....it's still bad.
In Her Skin (2009)
Boy did this one do nothing for me. I hated it.
Without spoiling it....let me just say that one of the main characters is so utterly annoying and detestable that I couldn't even watch the movie. I had to fast-forward a couple times. Just a lousy movie. One character is annoying and utterly unwatchable. I also got sick of watching the worrying parents; usually I like a movie like this....but this one just stunk. Boring too. I know this review might sound simplistic or leave you wondering....all I can say is I usually like a movie about parents searching for their kid and all that drama. But not this time. This one was awful. Oh....the 'dream scenes'....everyone in this movie sees 'visions' of the missing girl, dancing in the clouds and crap. Boring. And both parents see these visions and faint....it just stunk.
The Martian (2015)
Most boring movie of the year, by far.
2 hours and 21 minutes of Matt Damon gardening, and people at NASA discussing how to rescue him. Seriously. That's the whole movie. Total boredom.
Just so you know, I like all kinds of movies. I'm not impatient. I have a degree in a tech field. But geez, this movie is soooo boring.
And it's stupid!! And the casting is terrible. A 22-year-old hot model-type woman is the only one at NASA smart enough to locate Damon. And a 22-year-old slob who looks like he's strung-out on drugs (rolling out of a bed in his FILTHY MESSY office, twitching, shaking, stuttering) is the only one at NASA smart enough to think of using a slingshot-effect for the rocket. But they're SOOOO smart that they can attend high-level, and I'm talking the highest level on a national scale....they can attend these meetings in street clothes, while everyone else is in suits and ties.
I know Damon is extremely politically-correct, and so are most Hollywood movies these days. But this one goes too far. Literally every scene alternates between a person of a different race. White, African-American, African, Hispanic, Asian, Middle Eastern. And every scene has a man and a woman in it. Michael Pena as an astronaut?? Hello....do I really need to explain that you have to be in-shape to be an astronaut??
Terminator Genisys (2015)
Ignore the 1-star reviews.
There's an obsessed anti-Arnold guy on the message-board here who has at least 40 different accounts. He starts dozens of threads per day, and he posts over 1000 times per day. His main account, 'BrianReass', has even bragged about how he's taking-over this board. He's trying to trick everyone into thinking Genisys is a terrible movie.
I see some 1-star reviews popping-up too, and usually 3 in-a-row....which makes it obvious that it's 'BrianReass'.
Bottom line....it's a great movie. Most real people actually like it. So ignore the BS. Also keep in mind that the professional movie-critics rate based on political-correctness....so Arnold gets bad reviews. There are no women kicking-backside in this movie. Arnold is the dominant force....which critics don't like. Plus his political career ruined his chances to get good reviews. But trust me, it's a good movie.
Unfriended (2014)
Incredibly annoying, and no plot.
This movie is really really bad. After 3 minutes, I was like 'oh no', is the whole movie going to be on a computer screen?? Yes, it is. All it is is a bunch of teenagers talking stupid for the entire movie. Incredibly annoying. Imagine a whole movie about teens chatting online. They try to be 'realistic', so they put in really really stupid talk, like maybe kids would do....but it comes-off as soooo annoying in a movie. Because when you know deep-down that it's just actors, and they talk like 'realistic teens'....it's incredibly annoying.
As for the plot, there is none. A ghost of a dead girl talks to the group of teens online. They can't leave the computer or they will die. But the ghost kills them one-by-one anyway, until they're all dead. And that's it. So the whole thing is pointless.
I could have set my friends up on some web-cams and made a better movie than this.
Fantastic Four (2015)
An absolute snooze-fest.
At least I got one laugh....looking at my girlfriend an hour into this movie as she was dozing-off. And she's the one who wanted to see this movie. Neither of us could believe that a superhero movie could be so boring. For the first hour, absolutely nothing happened. Most of the time was spent in a dark laboratory. No action, no good dialog, no good characters, nothing.
As you know, the characters are NOTHING even remotely resembling the original Fantastic Four. They are all 18-years-old. To get by this huge plot-hole, they say that Reed Richards is a boy-genius. They say he invented an inter-dimensional-traveling rocket when he was in the 5th grade. Stupid, right? Johnny Storm (we all know he's black now) is on the team because he street-races cars and can "fix anything". Ben Grimm is Reed's short skinny nerdy friend from 5th grade. Dr. Doom (who shows-up in the last 15 minutes) is a lovesick computer-nerd. Not an iron-fisted ruler of a nation; a lovesick computer-nerd. Geez, no pandering to the audience here!
Nothing is explained as to how anyone got their powers. They just went to a planet with green ooze on it, and now they're powered. There's no action, no using of the powers, until the last 15 minutes. Dr. Doom (super-powered) shows up, they fight, and the movie ends. That's it. No explanation for anything. They didn't even explore this planet. They're just in the same spot all the time, and there's nothing there. Very boring.
Oh, I guess they did explain why a team so young went on the mission. Because they got drunk and just decided to go. No one else was ever in the building.
I was generous and gave it 2 stars. To get 1 star you have to annoy me with a political message or something, in addition to being a terrible movie. At least they didn't do that....although the pandering by the choice of cast came close.
Inside Out (2015)
Absolutely nothing of interest for an adult male.
There have been plenty of cartoon-movies that, even though they weren't geared toward me, at least had something of interest. 'Inside Out' has nothing. Just saw it last night....and not once did anything peak my interest even for a minute. If any man likes this movie, I just wouldn't know what to say.
It's just a bunch of emotion-cartoon-characters chasing emotion-balls around inside of the girl's head. Boring, annoying, and extremely childish movie. Sure a very small child might like it. Maybe women like the concept of these battling emotions. But for the average guy....trust me, it's of zero interest. It's not clever. It's very childish and intended for children 8 and under.
5 Flights Up (2014)
Headache
The entire movie is about an older couple (Freeman and Keaton) selling their apartment and buying a new apartment a few blocks away. The entire movie is about them negotiating the sale/purchase with their (female) realtor. It's one of those 'realistic' movies where nothing happens. No plot. Just an entire movie of 'realistic' talk. The 2 ladies are running their mouths CONSTANTLY. This is the only movie that's ever given me a headache. Two women yapping for an hour-and-a-half straight. Fingernails on chalk is the appropriate description. An hour-and-a-half of frantic negotiations over a million-dollar apartment sale (dumpy apartment too - they should take the money and move somewhere nice - that didn't make sense either)....with a little bit of 'relationship' stuff mixed in. But that fell totally flat, because there was zero chemistry between Freeman and Keaton. I didn't believe for a second that they were really married. Freeman seemed like the black friend that Keaton was embarrassed to bring around the house or something. Or vice-versa; Freeman wouldn't touch her with a ten-foot pole LOL. The movie is awful, trust me.
The Dark Knight (2008)
I don't understand the hype at all. It was boring.
Well I finally watched The Dark Knight. And I'm left in total disbelief that this movie could be rated so highly. It was a standard action flick. No cleverness, no 'wow' moments, no twists, no plot. Nothing. Every scene was standard. A typical scene is the Joker confronting a group of bad guys, giving them a speech about how he's a better criminal than them, killing a couple of them, and then leaving by-way of a trick device. And Batman's scenes were all like this too. 2 1/2 hours of this. It got very boring.
That pretty-much sums up my review. There's really not much else to talk about. Everything was standard, and it got boring. The only reason I even gave it a '3' was because it's a comic-book movie, so I gave it a free-pass on not making sense. For instance, Batman and the Joker can both pull the perfect device out of their pants at any given time, and they can both get anywhere (through security) at any time, without any logical explanation for it. If it wasn't a comic-book movie, I'd have rated it a '2'.
Lastly, I'll just speculate as to why this movie is rated so highly. Don't discount my review because of this, as I'm not saying this last part of speculation is the truth. It's just guessing. I'm guessing because I can't fathom why this movie is rated so highly. There has to be some other factors involved. Perhaps it's:
An pre-existing overwhelming love of Batman.
A pre-existing love of Heath Ledger because of Brokeback Mountain (which endeared him to movie critics)....and sentimentality following his death.
The 'all-star' cast. There's bound to be someone you like in this movie. Everyone loves Morgan Freeman, for instance. He's tossed-in this movie for no apparent reason.
The 'message' that there's a blurry line between good and evil. Movie critics love that message. Me....I found the Joker's constant speeches about this to get very tiring after a while. And his voice was annoying.
Spy (2015)
A missed opportunity.
Normally this isn't my type of movie. But 'Spy' is well above average for its type. Because I liked the lead character; she was funny. But it left me thinking 'if only'. If only they'd have been more bold, this could have been a great movie. If they wouldn't have been afraid to go all-out and use her to her fullest ability (yes more fat jokes), they could have made an absolutely hilarious movie. Instead they played it safe and did a lot of different types of jokes for standard cheap laughs. When they utilized their main cash-cow (no pun intended) it was very funny. But everything else was standard.
This could have been a great movie. They could have kept the plot the same....but they should have added about 10 more fat jokes. They had a few subtle jokes about looks and weight....but to be really funny they should have added about 10 bold jokes. Like I said, I'm not one for slapstick....but for a movie like this, you have to do it big. Don't be afraid. Like instead of making lame jokes about random stupid things, simply have a few chairs explode when she sits on them. Instead of her hanging onto a helicopter, have her pull the dang thing down with her weight. Instead of using Karate, have her squash people. Stuff like that. That would have improved this movie from 5/10 to at least 7/10 or even 8/10. Don't get me wrong; there were some decent jokes with her. The subtle jokes were still funny. I liked the lead lady....but utilize her more!!
Tomorrowland (2015)
Seriously, this was the worst movie I've ever seen.
I was in the theatre, with my girlfriend and my popcorn....so I actually stayed until the very end. Believe me, if I was watching this on video, I'd have stopped it early. It is UNBELIEVABLY BAD. As if they didn't even try to make a decent movie. The writing was atrocious. The CGI was terrible. Even if the movie is geared toward small children, you'd think they'd put something in it to keep an adult at least slightly interested. But nope, nothing.
Let me give you an idea on the writing. First off, all of the crazy gadgets and 'future' stuff - it all happens completely at random. For instance, you want to get away from 10 machines attacking you with lasers? Well just hop into a bathtub and push a button....and it will convert into a rocket and launch you 50 miles in the air and into the lake. And it will even deploy lifejackets and a full meal will appear in front of you. And all this happens in 5 seconds! How marvelous, the world of tomorrow. And how wondrous it is to see the city of the future. Right in the center, covering 10 city blocks, we see a triple-decker swimming pool thing, where a guy jumps about 40 stories through 3 magically suspended swimming pools, and then he reverses and shoots right back up again - all without even moving his arms or legs. The CGI is so bad it looks like a watercolor painting. And how about 50 robots attacking 2 little kids (our heroes), but they destroy all the robots easily by jumping in the air, doing Karate....destroying all the robots in 20 seconds. Marvelous! How about the fact that Einstein and Tesla built a hidden rocket that all you do is jump in, push a button, and in 20 seconds it transports you through other dimensions? How spectacular! Seriously though, the CGI is so completely lazy and awful - it's no better graphics than watching a cartoon on television.
I know my paragraph structure is not the best here, but man, it's hard to list the awful points of this movie separately, because they all mesh together. As for dialog....how about this for giving us a sense of 'wonder'? We see the 'city of the future' for the first time. How do we know things are different and spectacular? Well we overhear a young girl talking to her parents. "Please write us"...."Awww Dad, it's only 20 light years away". This was one of about 20 times where I just had to put my head in my palm and just shake my head and try to laugh lol. And oh, the close-up of children's faces as the narrator gushes on poetically about having hope for the future, feeding our good thoughts and not our bad thoughts, all the poetry....it makes anyone over the age of 12 want to puke.
Oh one thing I forgot to ad. The 'hero' kids are really smart. How do we know that they are smart? Well for instance, this girl's dad is a NASA engineer, and he's designing a new circuit. But it's not working. So he's sitting there studying it. And then the girl just passes through the room....but she takes literally 2 seconds to lean over his shoulder and adjust the wires to get the circuit working. Wow, how wondrous!! My hero!!
I could go on, but trust me on this. They didn't even try to make a good movie.
The Age of Adaline (2015)
Flat and unoriginal.
First off, it's a love story only. Anyone hoping for a little bit of an interesting twist on the 'living forever' aspect will be disappointed. They didn't even try to make that part interesting. I don't even consider this a spoiler because it's so lame - it was just a random lightning strike. So she doesn't age....and in 70 years or so she just becomes preposterously intelligent and experienced in everything. So basically she's the 'perfect' woman....but she runs away from every relationship because she fears being 'found out'. The flatness of the character, combined with this story, failed to draw me in.
It's fine that the movie was solely a love story. But it's overrated. My guess is that it will end-up at around a 6.2 rating when it's all said and done. When more people see it on rentals and stuff. It was okay. Everyone saying how great Harrison Ford was....he was alright, but nothing special. Yes that was the best part of the movie....but only because the rest of it was rather dull. The movie got somewhat interesting with about 30 minutes to go.
The main character, Adaline, was flat. Quite dull. Her love-interest was a very nice guy; I guess he was okay. There were no tear-jerk moments. Definitely nothing I haven't seen before a dozen times. I guess it's a standard average love-story that is watchable on a rainy day. But don't go in expecting much.
Pi (1998)
A movie for people who don't care what's on the screen.
This movie will only appeal to people who don't care what is actually on the screen. It's for people who just like to let their mind wander into some sort of a mathematical/noir/drug-induced mind-trip. And there's nothing wrong with that. It doesn't mean you're not intelligent. But for me, I don't like doing that. For me, this movie was a bunch of nonsense. Total nonsense. I have an electrical engineering degree with a math minor, so I know something about math. This movie just takes some equations, number sequences, etc....throws them up on the screen, and says nature, the stock market, or even God might be based on these numbers. It's a bunch of nonsense.
But like I say, some people like this movie. They want to let their mind wander, pretending that these numbers might mean something. Add in the black & white, the sickness and mind-trip the main character goes through, the shaking camera, the disturbing music....and I guess you have something that some people like. It's just not for me.
Big Fish (2003)
Turn up the cheese-o-meter....
This review is from an adult perspective. Perhaps children 12 and under love this movie, and that's why it's rated so highly. I don't know. All I can tell you is that I was bored out of my mind. It's about an old guy who has told tall-tales about his life. So as he nears his end, he re-tells some of these stories to various people. So we get to see him in these fanciful situations, with fantasy special effects. Big fish, witches, stuff like that. The first story or 2 is so-so. But by the middle of the film, when he's talking about how he met his future wife, I got so bored I could hardly stand it. Long-winded, total cheese, total pie-in-the-sky over-the-top cheese. It was so bad that it really detracted from any character development. Because there was nothing else to the story. Just an old guy who told crazy stories. That's it. And that's all he does. Nothing else. The net effect is total boredom. I was waiting for something touching or heartwarming to happen, but it never did. Pointless.