Addams Family Values (1993)

Raul Julia: Gomez Addams

Photos 

Quotes 

• Debbie Jellinsky : I don't wanna hurt anybody. I don't enjoy hurting anybody. I don't like guns, or bombs, or electric chairs. But sometimes people just won't listen. And so, I have to use persuasion. And slides.

  [Showing slide pictures] 

  Debbie Jellinsky : My parents, Sharon and Dave. Generous, doting, or *were they*? All I ever wanted was a Ballerina Barbie. In her pretty pink tutu. My birthday.

  [the slide shows her as a child, smiling and opening a gift] 

  Debbie Jellinsky : I was 10, and do you know what they got me? *Malibu* Barbie.

  Morticia : Malibu Barbie.

  Gomez : The nightmare.

  Morticia : The nerve.

  Debbie Jellinsky : [flicks to the next slide of her throwing a bared-teeth temper tantrum]  That's not what I wanted! That's not who I was. I was a *ballerina*, graceful, delicate! They had to go.

  [the next slide shot shows a burning house] 

• Gomez : [shouting]  I demand justice! Someone has married my brother!

  Desk sergeant : [sarcastically]  No!

  Gomez : She took him to Hawaii!

  Desk sergeant : [cynically]  Get outta here!

  Gomez : They have moved into a large, expensive home, where they make love *constantly*!

  Desk sergeant : I hate when that happens.

  Gomez : Arrest her at once, without delay!

  Desk sergeant : Who?

  Gomez : Debbie. My brother's wife, the temptress of Waikiki!

  Desk sergeant : Who are you? What are you? Who moved the rock?

  Gomez : Officer, you must issue a subpoena. I believe they own...

  Morticia : Gomez, NO!

  Gomez : [shouting]  A Buick!

• Desk sergeant : [after being asked to arrest Debbie]  Just leave, leave quietly, leave now. Don't make me call Ringling Brothers.

  Gomez : [shouting]  Has the planet gone mad? My brother, passion's hostage. I seek justice - denied! I shall not submit! I shall conquer! I shall rise! My name is Gomez Addams, and I have seen evil!

  [Grandmama waves Pubert in the air] 

  Gomez : I have seen horror!

  [Lurch waves] 

  Gomez : I have seen the unholy maggots which feast in the dark recesses of the human soul!

  Morticia : They're at camp.

  Gomez : I have seen all this, officer. But until today, I had never seen... *you*!

  Desk sergeant : Hook him, book him, cook him. *Now*!

• [about Pubert] 

  Gomez : He has my father's eyes.

  Morticia : Gomez, take those out of his mouth.

• Gomez : Children, why do you hate the baby?

  Pugsley : We don't hate him. We just wanna play with him.

  Wednesday : Especially his head.

• [the dancer in the cake doesn't pop out] 

  Gomez : That poor girl. Lurch, was she in there before you baked?

  [Lurch hangs his head] 

  Gomez : C'est la vie!

• Gomez : [to Fester]  You'll meet someone. Someone very special. Someone who won't press charges.

• Gomez : [visibly disgusted]  Fresh air. The scent of pine.

  [hands Pugsley a cigar] 

  Morticia : Wednesday, look at all of the other children, their freckles, their bright little eyes, their eager, friendly smiles. Help them.

• Don Buckman : Our Amanda's already skipped two grades. How 'bout your boy?

  Gomez : [beaming]  Probation!

• Grandma : Unless Fester comes back, we're talking *dimples*.

  Gomez : Not in this house!

  Grandma : He could stay this way for years! Forever! He could become... a lawyer.

  Gomez : I won't listen!

  Grandma : An orthodontist!

  Morticia : Mama! Stop!

  Grandma : President!

  Gomez : [looking up above]  Please! I beg you! Take me!

  [sobs openly] 

• Debbie Jellinsky : [meeting Gomez]  Isn't he a lady-killer!

  Gomez : Acquitted!

• Debbie Jellinsky : My latest husband, my late husband, Fester.

  Uncle Fester : The fool.

  Debbie Jellinsky : The corpse. And his adorable family. You took me in, you accepted me, but did any of you love me? Really love me?

  Gomez : Hands!

  [the Addams family, all strapped into their electric chairs, are unable to raise their hands] 

• Uncle Fester : Gomez! Morticia! Great news! Something impossible... a miracle!

  Gomez : The rash?

  Morticia : It's gone?

  Uncle Fester : I'm engaged!

  [Debbie shows them the ring] 

  Morticia : That ring!

  Gomez : It was our mother's. She was buried with it.

  [Debbie holds up a shovel] 

• Gomez : [to Fester]  I hope that someday you'll know the indescribable joy of having children, and of paying someone else to raise them.

• Pugsley : It's a boy.

  Wednesday : It's a girl.

  Uncle Fester : Gomez!

  Grandma : What news?

  Wednesday : Father, what is it?

  Gomez : [rushing from the hospital room, bursting]  It's an Addams!

• Delivery Room Doctor : Nurse, how close are the contractions?

  Delivery Nurse : Every 15 seconds, doctor.

  Gomez : Are you in unbearable pain? Is it inhuman? My darling, is it torture?

  Morticia : Oui.

• [driving to Camp Chippewa] 

  Pugsley : What's a Chippewa?

  Gomez : It's an old Indian word.

  Wednesday : It means "orphan."

• Gomez : At his request, I would rip out my eyes. At his command, I would crawl on my belly through hot coals and broken glass.

  Morticia : Why wait?

• Gomez : [to his family]  To mirth, to merriment... to manslaughter.

• Uncle Fester : It's me, Gomez! I've tried to be someone I'm not. I live in shame... and the suburbs!

  Gomez : But you belong to Debbie! You're Debbie's love toy! You are *Mr. Debbie*!

  Uncle Fester : I am an Addams!

  Gomez : Fester!

  [they embrace] 

• Uncle Fester : [Referring to Thing relieving Fester's "desires"]  It's not the same thing, I want legs, a body... a head.

  Gomez : TWO legs?

• Morticia : [Thing hops on Debbie's shoulder]  Thing, stop that.

  Gomez : He likes you.

  Debbie Jellinsky : [Debbie sucks on Thing's index finger; he shudders and falls off]  I'm good with my hands.

• Morticia : Gomez.

  Gomez : Cara mia?

  Morticia : Marvelous news. I'm going to have a baby. Right now.

• Morticia : [walking into Pubert's nursery]  Oh, Gomez. It's dark, it's depressing, it's desolate.

  Gomez : It says "toddler".

  Morticia : It's a dream.

  Gomez : Come, cara mia.

• Gomez : Cara mia.

  Morticia : Mon cher.

• Uncle Fester : [talking to Gomez about wanting a relationship with a woman]  I... I have *needs*!

  Gomez : ...There's Thing!

  [Thing shudders] 

• Uncle Fester : Gomez, do you remember what we were like? I hated you!

  Gomez : I despised you!

  Uncle Fester : I choked him until he lost consciousness and had to be put on a respirator!

  Gomez : I tied him to a tree and pulled out four of his permanent teeth!

  Uncle Fester : When he was asleep, I opened his skull, and removed his brains!

  Gomez : You did?

  Uncle Fester : [laughs hysterically]  Ah, brother!

  Gomez : Brother!

  [Gomez flings him into the opposite wall, then grabs up about twenty knives conveniently lying on the table, flinging them all around Fester, with several right next to his head. Fester laughs hysterically through it all, although the last four are done with Gomez's back to him] 

  Uncle Fester : Children, you see?

• Uncle Fester : I'm making such a mess of things. Gomez! How do you do it? How can I be like you? How can I be... suave?

  Gomez : Woo her. Admire her. Make her feel like she's the most sublime creature on Earth.

• Morticia : So... you still desire me after all these years? The old ball and chain?

  Gomez : Forever!

  Morticia : I'll get them!

• Gomez : [to Thing]  Good show, old man.

• Gomez : [opens the window to enjoy the night air, and catches Pubert as he falls from the roof]  Cara mia!

  Morticia : Oh dear.

• Gomez : Perfection achieved. We are the luckiest brothers on Earth. We are unworthy of such splendor, undeserving of such radiance.

  Uncle Fester : Uh... that's right! We should have... ugly girls!

• Morticia , Gomez : [to each other]  Summer camp?

• Uncle Fester : [about Debbie]  She makes me think of... volatile chemicals.

  Gomez : Truly, Fester? Has it finally happened at long last?

  Uncle Fester : I don't know! I think so!

• Morticia : Adieu, mon cher.

  Gomez : Adios, cara mia.