Addams Family Values (1993)
Anjelica Huston: Morticia Addams
Photos
Quotes
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Morticia : [confronting Debbie in her house] You have gone too far. You have married Fester, you have destroyed his spirit, you have taken him from us. All that I could forgive. But, Debbie...
Debbie Jellinsky : What?
Morticia : ...pastels?
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Debbie Jellinsky : I don't wanna hurt anybody. I don't enjoy hurting anybody. I don't like guns, or bombs, or electric chairs. But sometimes people just won't listen. And so, I have to use persuasion. And slides.
[Showing slide pictures]
Debbie Jellinsky : My parents, Sharon and Dave. Generous, doting, or *were they*? All I ever wanted was a Ballerina Barbie. In her pretty pink tutu. My birthday.
[the slide shows her as a child, smiling and opening a gift]
Debbie Jellinsky : I was 10, and do you know what they got me? *Malibu* Barbie.
Morticia : Malibu Barbie.
Gomez : The nightmare.
Morticia : The nerve.
Debbie Jellinsky : [flicks to the next slide of her throwing a bared-teeth temper tantrum] That's not what I wanted! That's not who I was. I was a *ballerina*, graceful, delicate! They had to go.
[the next slide shot shows a burning house]
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Gomez : [shouting] I demand justice! Someone has married my brother!
Desk sergeant : [sarcastically] No!
Gomez : She took him to Hawaii!
Desk sergeant : [cynically] Get outta here!
Gomez : They have moved into a large, expensive home, where they make love *constantly*!
Desk sergeant : I hate when that happens.
Gomez : Arrest her at once, without delay!
Desk sergeant : Who?
Gomez : Debbie. My brother's wife, the temptress of Waikiki!
Desk sergeant : Who are you? What are you? Who moved the rock?
Gomez : Officer, you must issue a subpoena. I believe they own...
Morticia : Gomez, NO!
Gomez : [shouting] A Buick!
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Morticia : [to Gomez] I'm just like any modern woman trying to have it all. Loving husband, a family. It's just, I wish I had more time to seek out the dark forces and join their hellish crusade.
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Desk sergeant : [after being asked to arrest Debbie] Just leave, leave quietly, leave now. Don't make me call Ringling Brothers.
Gomez : [shouting] Has the planet gone mad? My brother, passion's hostage. I seek justice - denied! I shall not submit! I shall conquer! I shall rise! My name is Gomez Addams, and I have seen evil!
[Grandmama waves Pubert in the air]
Gomez : I have seen horror!
[Lurch waves]
Gomez : I have seen the unholy maggots which feast in the dark recesses of the human soul!
Morticia : They're at camp.
Gomez : I have seen all this, officer. But until today, I had never seen... *you*!
Desk sergeant : Hook him, book him, cook him. *Now*!
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[Morticia is reading "The Cat in the Hat" to Pubert, who has golden curls and rosy cheeks]
Morticia : Are you enjoying this?
[sadly]
Morticia : To think, a child of mine!
[turns the page]
Morticia : "I know it is wet, and the sun is not sunny. But we can have lots of good fun... that is funny."
[flipping to the last page]
Morticia : Oh, no. He lives.
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Wednesday : Death! Death to the enemies of the people of the Republic.
[Pugsley releases the guillotine and chops a watermelon in half]
Wednesday : Hurrah! Justice is served. Bring forward the evil one.
[Pugsley brings over Pubert, who is in a white dress and bonnet]
Wednesday : [to Pubert] You have betrayed the people of France. You are evil incarnate. How do you plead?
Pugsley : [holds up Pubert, speaks in "baby voice"] Guilty!
Wednesday : Guilty! By her own admission! The sentence is death. Executioner, place her on the block.
[Pugsley lays Pubert down in the guillotine]
Wednesday : 1... 2...
Morticia : [from downstairs] Children, what are you doing?
Wednesday , Pugsley : Playing!
Wednesday : ...3!
[She releases the guillotine. Pubert catches the blade in his fingers]
Wednesday : Woe to the Republic.
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Morticia : [to Debbie] You have enslaved him. You have placed Fester under some strange sexual spell. I respect that. But please, may we see him?
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Debbie Jellinsky : These Addams men, where do you find them?
Morticia : It has to be damp.
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Delivery Room Doctor : [to Morticia] Push, Mrs. Addams.
[to the Nurse]
Delivery Room Doctor : Forceps?
Forceps Nurse : Forceps.
[giving the Doctor forceps]
Forceps Nurse : Forceps.
Delivery Room Doctor : Would you like anesthesia?
Morticia : No, thank you. But do ask the children.
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Grandma : Unless Fester comes back, we're talking *dimples*.
Gomez : Not in this house!
Grandma : He could stay this way for years! Forever! He could become... a lawyer.
Gomez : I won't listen!
Grandma : An orthodontist!
Morticia : Mama! Stop!
Grandma : President!
Gomez : [looking up above] Please! I beg you! Take me!
[sobs openly]
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Uncle Fester : Gomez! Morticia! Great news! Something impossible... a miracle!
Gomez : The rash?
Morticia : It's gone?
Uncle Fester : I'm engaged!
[Debbie shows them the ring]
Morticia : That ring!
Gomez : It was our mother's. She was buried with it.
[Debbie holds up a shovel]
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Morticia : [to Debbie] All the important numbers: police, fire department, morgue.
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Delivery Room Doctor : Nurse, how close are the contractions?
Delivery Nurse : Every 15 seconds, doctor.
Gomez : Are you in unbearable pain? Is it inhuman? My darling, is it torture?
Morticia : Oui.
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Debbie Jellinsky : Hi, I'm Debbie Jellinsky from the agency.
Morticia : The agency? But they claimed no one else was available. They suggested a Doberman.
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Debbie Jellinsky : I just can't tell, does he like me at all?
Morticia : Of course he does. He vomited.
Debbie Jellinsky : That's true. Does he always do that with women he likes?
Morticia : Oh no. Just you.
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Morticia : Good night, Debbie.
Debbie Jellinsky : Good night.
Morticia : Scream if you need anything.
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Morticia : [to Gomez] One house, three children, so many windows.
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Morticia : [Thing hops on Debbie's shoulder] Thing, stop that.
Gomez : He likes you.
Debbie Jellinsky : [Debbie sucks on Thing's index finger; he shudders and falls off] I'm good with my hands.
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Morticia : [in a philosophical sighing tone] Our whole family... together at last... three generations... above ground.
Debbie Jellinsky : [shouting from offstage, then suddenly appearing on the scene holding a ridiculous-looking fat-bodied old-fashioned sawed-off shotgun, which she pumps dramatically to chamber a shell] IN-LAWS!
[Shluck-shlick!]
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Morticia : [to Gomez, after Pubert shoots a flaming arrow into the ceiling] Did you see that?
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Morticia : [handing Pubert to Debbie] You've had your shots? Measles, mumps, rabies?
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Morticia : We want to see Debbie and Fester.
Concetta : [turns around and shouts] Miss DEBBIE!
Debbie Jellinsky : Debra!
