remaxmiracle Reviews

Blade Runner (1982)

So very, very boring.

[2/10 · 16 June 2012]

There were some buildings and then it rained and it's always dark and Edward James Olmos makes some origami and oh, someone shoots another guy, and then it rained and there was a chick dressed to look like Auntie Mame (look it up) complete with 40's style clothes and then it rained and Harrison Ford is in yet another dimly lit room (they don't have lights in the future?) and then there was a half naked lady (boobies!!) who had on some kinky high heeled boots that suddenly turned in to flats so she could run away in the rain...and it rained and oh wait! For some unknown reason we got some kind of hallucination of a running unicorn with no explanation and then There's Darryl Hannah with bad eye makeup and then it rained and some people said some stuff but none of it was really memorable and then it rained and some some nerd and his self made toy midgets did some stuff and then it rained and then Harrison Ford got into a fight with Rutger Hauer and then it rained and Darryl Hannah did some flips and screamed a lot and then it rained and then there was a white dove and some more rain and that about covers it.

Mr. Holland's Opus (1995)

Beautiful and touching

[10/10 · 23 April 2012]

Mr. Holland's Opus is a lovely and engaging film about a musician and composer forced by life to get a 'real job'. The movie skillfully takes place over many decades and is tied together by the music of each generation. Filled with all the emotions and decisions we each must deal with every day, Mr. Holland's Opus explores what it means to have your dreams conflict with your reality with results ranging from frustration to melancholy to joy. Heartfelt without pandering or being overly sappy I think this will appeal to watchers of all ages, especially those who had someone in their life who left an everlasting trace.

Tideland (2005)

...yawn

[3/10 · 21 April 2012]

I heard about this one in a roundabout way. Being a Gilliam fan I was disturbed that one his got by me without my knowing so I immediately went to go find it. If you are familiar with Gilliam films you know his imagery is often way out there and you learn to expect the unusual. After reading several reviews, and even commentary from Gilliam himself about how people getting so disturbed they left the theatre or how people either LOVE it or HATE because it is so polarizing I was ramped up for something I was going to have to put serious thought into...something I would be contemplating a week later and trying to decide if I was a lover or a hater. Well, I watched it last night and I have to say I am a hater, but not for the reasons Gilliam seems to indicate would shock and awe me. This form was so outrageously boring I wanted to turn it off and break the DVD. Yikes, what a snore! I have no idea what Dear Gilliam was smoking when he made this - or why anyone would get so upset they would leave the theatre. The biggest risk about seeing this movie is falling asleep.

The Three Musketeers (2011)

lame.

[15 April 2012]

I have to admit, I wasn't expecting the 3 Musketeers meets Will Smith's Wild Wild West. Odd use of steam punk technology.

Anyhoo...I missed this in the theaters and I am glad I did. What a wimpy, poorly acted piece of garbage. Makes me sad for the cast, as most of them have done far better work in other movies.

The plot lacked the right balance. Not enough humor, not enough pathos. Athos was not very moody. Porthos more arrogant than cocky and self confident. Aramis...he was almost a throw away in this movie and the best thing I can say about D'artagnan is he was better than Chris O'Donnell in the 1993 version. Milady is transformed from sly, dangerous seductress to a stealthy ninja in fancy dress.

Blech. Not even worth having on as back ground noise.

Footloose (2011)

Extremely enjoyable - a nice wink and a nod to the original

[9/10 · 24 March 2012]

Let me begin by saying, yes I am OLD. I saw the original in the theaters waaaaaaaay back in the olden days. Loved it! What 10 year old wouldn't? So here we are now and like most people I was really perturbed that Hollywood was once again vomiting out yet another remake of a good movie that has NO reason to be remade. However, after hearing some reviews I opted to give it a chance and I am glad I did.

The plot and general series of events are pretty much the same. If you've seen the first movie I don't need to explain all that again. I am pleased to say that this film, while not a shot for shot remake, is close enough to be nostalgic but fresh enough to not be same ol' same ol'.

I feel the dancers/actors all did a fine job and I have no objection to anybody's performance. I rather enjoyed our Ren and Willard and I am glad they opted for talented 'not so well known' performers rather than handing the roles to over blown celebutards who have middling dancing skills (and no that is not a poke at Kevin Bacon - who was not very well known when he made the original either).

I'll admit to smiling at the little details from the first movie they tossed in, including what looks to be Kevin Bacon's entire wardrobe and yellow VW bug.

Really, the only bad thing I can say about this movie is, WHAT THE HECK was the stylist thinking when they put Ariel in that monstrously ugly pink dress at the end? Thankfully this Ariel has a figure worth looking at (sorry Lori Singer) and they make her wear that? When you see it, you'll get what I mean. It looks like something sold for streetwalkers in undeveloped countries.

Insidious (I) (2010)

...good heavens was this bad

[3/10 · 28 January 2012]

Sorry to say it, but this entire movie was an experiment in how to jump the shark, or nuke the fridge or whatever you want to call it. I am so glad I did not pay to see this in a theater. I would have asked for my money back after walking out half an hour in. With elements from other, better movies you'd hope this would have been more interesting - but no amount of ripping off from Poltergeist can save it. Every single character was wooden and uninteresting and I had no desire to see any of them live through the movie. Not one. Not even the kids. The so called suspense wasn't suspenseful. The plot was so thin and predictable I am surprised M. Night what's his name didn't write it. At one point I looked at my husband and said "for crying out loud..did they really just go there?". A total face palm moment. I really really love a good haunted house/haunted kid/something evil under the bed type movie. This wasn't it.

RED (2010)

super fun - worth watching over and over

[10/10 · 9 January 2012]

You just never know what is going to happen when they pull together such a diverse cast - but this movie fires on all cylinders. Bruce Willis is perfect as the retired CIA agent feeling adrift with nothing but a 'normal' life to live. Helen Mirren is gorgeous and unexpected as the retired British flower arranging bad ass. John Malkovich I have never been a fan of, but he killed every scene he's in as the crazed 'conspiracy theory' member of the team. Brian Cox played his role with enthusiasm. Morgan Freeman is...well..Morgan Freeman! Last but not least is Mary Louise Parker (also not a big fan of hers) who was perfect as the mousy customer service rep dreaming of a life of adventure outside her office cube farm. Throw in super sexy Karl Urban as the young blood agent trying to figure out what side of the action he should be fighting on and Richard Dreyfuss as the snarky bad guy and it's pure heaven. Even Ernie Borgnine gets a few laughs in his small part. I saw this in the theatres, I have it on Blu-Ray and I watch it over and over on cable. I can't think of an action movie I've enjoyed this much in years.